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1:02 pm - Wed 7/10/02
Cookin' and Steamin'

Cookin' and Steamin'

(Still thinking about Diaryland, and how I might manage it a little better. What I'm thinking right now is to not write in here when I'm just bored and can't think of anything else to do, to say little if I only have a little to say, and with more full-blown entries, to perhaps write first and edit afterwards, instead of what I typically do, which is to read and re-read what I'm writing as I'm writing it. It's very time-consuming, and I'm not sure it's leading to the best writing anyway.)

Just finished a nice lunch of rice and steamed veggies.

Since I broke out the rice cooker/food steamer a couple days ago, I've been giving a lot of thought to it as something of a metaphor; For whatever reason, I didn't want to use it (Whether I thought it would be hard, didn't want to take responsibility for eating better, or what have you, I've had it for months without taking it out of the box), but once I determined to just give it a try, I discovered that it was very easy, and makes my life just a little bit...nicer.

It's my hope that I'll remember this the next time an opportunity to try something new comes up...

I'm about mid-way into my Lincoln book...

Jane commented in an e-mail about my "disappointment" with Lincoln, and it was exactly what I'd come around to thinking myself; Initially, I found myself a little disappointed in Lincoln the man, not realizing that I'd still had a residual childish sense of him as a "hero", or more accurately, a pretty childish sense of what a "hero" is.

If a "hero" is someone somehow above us "ordinary people", then what use are they, really? Why bother reading about great figures of history, or what-have-you, if there's nothing to gain from learning about them?

And actually, "Honest Abe" and I have a number of parallels that I'm too pressed for time to get into right now, but that are pretty apparent. And if all I get from my current reading is to do the best I can to do what I think is right at any given time, like Mr Lincoln, my time following his life story will have been well-spent.

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I'm feeling better these days.

I think it's in part the natural "bounce back" I always seem to have after I really hit the skids emotionally.

And I think the recent "crisis of purpose" I've had with Diaryland has also kind of helped.

And also, even if I didn't like it right at the moment, Carrie's little "snap out of it" e-mail.

(And speaking of comments, I want to thank L. and J. for their comments in my guestbook. It's always fun for me when someone takes the time to comment, and I appreciate the lift.)

Still no big break on an apartment. I'm a little discouraged that the site Cary paid good $$$ for seems to have had the same listings for days now, and I've already called the handful that seemed like a good "fit" for me. But I'm going to take the attitude that whatever happens happens; If a new place happens, that's good, and if not, that's okay too. I've made my "cutbacks", so I should really be able to absorb the coming rent increase.

Speaking of cutbacks, I finally cut out my online subscription to Backstage.

That's the most painful cut, because unlike the other things, that really is something of a loss, and I'm concerned with making something I should be doing just that little bit more difficult. But either way, it's okay; If I can get the same or more done without it, great, and if not, it's not like it's something I can't start up again at any time.

I think that's something I need to remember; There will be some decisions that can't readily be undone, but not the ones I've just made. If and when I can afford cable, a cell phone, etc, I can just sign up for them again. I don't have to feel like this is some sort of slide into a new level of poverty. On the contrary, this is what I'm doing, for now, so that I can be more effective, and be that much more likely to get what I want in the future.

One thing that occurs to me is that I need to look at other papers and magazines beyond Backstage; When I write in here that I sent out a couple of headshots, I know people are thinking "Why so few?", but the fact is, that's often all that's out there for me. So obviously, I need to find ways to "broaden the search", by making time to check out the Ross Reports, Hollywood Reporter, etc (I think I've been a little cowed by my fear that I wouldn't understand them, or understand how to use them, but Im kind of guessing that once I do, it's going to be the "rice cooker"; I'm going to find myself wondering, "What the hell took me so long?"

 

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