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10:23 AM - Weds 05/15/2021

It's A Nice Day For A Sex Drive

Learned recently (Or maybe I knew it already and just forgot): "Cinco de Mayo" isn't really a thing. It's not celebrated in Mexico, it doesn't have anything to do with Mexican Independence, it's just a made-up American holiday that's an excuse for drinking tequila and maybe being a little racist.

(FTR, I never gave a shit about it anyway - I don't really drink, and, whether it's racist or not, I look stupid in a sombrero - but it's still nice to know that the thing you don't give a shit about is a made-up thing you don't have to feel guilty for not giving a shit about.)

Well, my post-WW/post-Shameless days are routinely getting off to slow starts...and today was no exception.

But that said, it's moving toward 1:00 pm, and thus far I have read (The Intelligence Trap, about why smart people can be really stupid sometimes), drawn, written in my private journal (Something I've been trying to make a regular practice for a while now)...and am now doing this.

It can be tough to motivate myself to "do things" without anyone or anything imposing order on me - really tough - but if/when this time comes to an end (And I'm working full-time 12-14 hours a day on my next series), I'm gonna feel pretty shitty if I end up regretting doing nothing with all the free time I once had.

I don't have anything firmly "on the docket" for the rest of the day, save for a trip to the store for fish-oil capsules (Which is a thing my Dr recently put me on because, while my "bad cholesterol" is good, my "good cholesterol" is bad. And happily, that fish-oil run gives me a good excuse to go for a walk, which is something I struggle to do if I "don't have anyplace to go").

But there's pretty much always something I could do - work on music (harmonica/guitar/piano/ukelele), sing, exercise, study Spanish, do TikTok/YouTube videos, etc (Along with the aforementioned reading and writing and drawing) - and my "goal", in terms of how to spend my time as an unemployed person, is to spend the majority of my waking hours pursuing these "active" hobbies/interests/skills, in part so I can then actually enjoy my "down-time", just putzing around on the Internet or watching Netflix or jerking off or what-have-you.

(And speaking of "jerking off"..)

The testosterone gel the Dr prescribed is making a big difference (And no, that's not where you put it, ya perv! - It goes on your shoulders or upper arms).

And I'm going to try not to TMI you - though I'm guessing that ship has already sailed - but beyond the self-pleasuring, it's nice just to feel horny again (Though kind of weird to realize it doesn't have anything to do with mood or self-esteem or anything psychological - I was just running low on the chemical that makes you horny).

In short, I like having a sex drive, even if I'm not doing much of anything with it. It comes with a nice little "buzz" that I missed when it wasn't there. Without it, I felt less "alive".

(But let's "get off" this subject...)

Another pretty thrilling development - After years of feeling all-but-certain one union benefit I would never see would be a union pension, I got a letter from the SAG pension plan recently informing me I have now qualified for a pension!

(This is the point where I'm tempted to backtrack and tell you how there used to be two acting unions, and thus two pension plans. And how the unions merged eventually, but the pension plans never did, which is why I despaired of ever seeing a pension, even though I've earned more money than the average union member. But I'll spare you all that.)

It's not a substantial pension - going back, in part, to the boring stuff I was tempted to backtrack to but decided to spare you from - but it's a pension. It's money that will be coming in that will supplement Social Security and whatever dribs and drabs of acting money keep coming in (Assuming that big series I mentioned earlier falls through).

So I am beyond happy to admit, in this extremely rare instance, that I was wrong.

And as I told Jane R. after getting the news, it made me happy on two fronts.

Practically, it's a huge relief to know that, should I be fortunate enough to make it through the next five years, there will be some regular money coming in.

But on an emotional level, it's hugely gratifying to feel like I "won a prize" for sticking it out, and succeeding to the level I have - granted it's a fairly small "prize", but it's a prize nevertheless.

...and just writing about this makes me want to call the AFTRA Pension Plan people, and ask them some questions about that side of things (The pension I've qualified for is on the SAG side of the "SAG-AFTRA" pension-plan divide).

Till next time...



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