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2:47 pm - Tues 9.23.2008
\"The Deep End\"

"The Deep End"

There are reasons to feel happy these days.

1) I had an audition for My Name Is Earl yesterday. And even though hopes of booking the gig fade by the moment (If I don't get a call by the end of the day, it probably ain't happening), I know I did well - Even if I didn't book it, I won't be surprised if I'm back in that office before the season's over (More on how things went - and a little bit on the Emmys - in my latest "Characterman" post)

2) I had a very good weigh-in at Weight Watchers this week (2.8 lbs), bringing me down to a flat 200 lbs, a weight I haven't been at in at least 20 years or more.

3) I started training for the Weight Watchers "Receptionist" position this month (I've done the four sessions that are required, but have asked for one more session with Amy, my "Mentor", which I'm doing this Friday); while I may have some reservations (About potential conflicts and what-have-you), this is me trying my best to take control of my circumstances, balancing the need to bring in some money with the desire to have a more meaningful, enjoyable life. And that effort is something to feel good about.

4) In the "giveaway area" in the lobby of my apartment building, someone recently left what is officially my new favorite shirt - a short-sleeved shirt covered in "Spiderman" comic-book covers (So if I ever get called in for the role of "Middle-aged Comic Book Geek", I am all set).

(What's even cooler, going back to the weight-loss stuff, is that it's not an "Extra-Large", or even a "Large" - It's a "Medium"...and it fits.)

But by-and-large, I'm not a happy guy these days, because I'm too busy worrying about money.

(Just got a call from Brett - Not the call, but better than a poke-in-the-eye; I have an audition tomorrow for an informercial with John Cleese. It's just one line, and it's an AFTRA contract, which means less money...but it's with John Cleese. Which is pretty cool.)

I've got enough savings left, supplemented by my new blog and whatever comes in from Weight Watchers, to - hopefully - pay rent and bills for at least the next couple months.

But if things continue as they have, with few auditions and fewer gigs, the beginning of the year is going to be pretty grim for old Jim.

(Grim as in "Dear Diary...I'm writing this entry at the public library, since I'm now homeless, and it's the only computer access I have...")

I don't want to hit the panic button, because a lot can happen in a couple months - things could pick up, and I could book enough work to pay the bills for the next year or two - but "worry" is my middle name...and in these uncertain times, "worry" seems a fairly reasonable response to circumstances.

So I've been thinking a lot about what I want...and what I need.

And trying to prioritize - What I can live without (My "land line"), what I don't want to live without (Workshops, cable and - most importantly - high speed internet), and what I absolutely can't live without (food, shelter, my cell phone, some minimal form of internet access; obviously I wouldn't die without a cell phone or Internet access, but I need them to continue to function as an actor out here).

I've already dropped my gym membership, and hopefully I'm done at this point paying for Weight Watchers.

I only did two workshops this month, and I'm not signed up for any so far for next month (though I think I've got two pre-paid workshops left at this point).

I didn't buy any WW "treats" at last week's meeting, and don't plan to buy any until and unless things start picking up (I definitely over-indulge in that department).

I'm afraid of messing with the food I buy because it's been working for me - to the tune of 68.4 lbs lost - but I spend an absolutely astronomical amount on groceries, and I have to be able to perform at least a "nip" here and a "tuck" there.

I don't know what's a "reasonable" amount of worry under the circumstances, and what's "Jim-level" worry....I just know I'm worried.

So this is what it feels like in "the deep end"...


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