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12:43 PM - 12.15.16 "Religion will forgive God for fucking anything." (Wish I'd written down if I'm quoting myself there or someone else, or if it was perhaps a possible D-land title - But I'm guessing it's something I read that I very much agree with. "If it's important to you, you'll find a way. If not, you'll find an excuse." (I think about this all the time, in terms of my acting, and the fact that I haven't really acted in the past decade-and-a-half. It troubles me that I'm "finding an excuse" when it comes to one of the only things I supposedly want to do in life.) How To Cook Everything - Bittman (Someone recommended this to me as a non-cook. I will in all likelihood never buy it.) "Way more people have tried to help me than harm me. The harm just seems to leave the deeper mark." That's a line from the series finale of Rectify that leapt out at me, in an "I could have written this in my journal (and probably have in some form)" kind-of-way (This will mean nothing if you haven't seen the show, but I very much related to "Daniel Holden", the show's lead character). "Showing-off is not acting." (I've had to tell myself that when, in a couple of Shameless episodes that required me to perform in some way, they either went with takes where I made mistakes, or - in the episode where I sang karaoke - actually fiddled with the sound to make me out-of-sync with the music. Because while "Jim" is a passable singer and dancer, and would like the world to see that, "Kermit" probably wouldn't be. And "Showing-off is not acting" makes the bigger point that my initial motivation to act was to show-off, but that's not what it's about, especially not if you're a character-guy.) Listening to Jerry Seinfeld talk about Seinfeld, I was intrigued/amused that, when they had a guest-actor who wasn't delivering a line to their satisfaction, the direction they would always give them was "louder and faster". (It reminded me of the instruction I got from the CD at my Gilmore Girls audition years ago, which was to say "That was nice...now do it about a thousand times faster".) "Why am I not 'driven'? Cause I'm not - If I were, I'd be successful." (That could be an entire journal entry all by itself - all my life I've been frustrated by the fact that I want to be successful...but not enough to do very much about it.) The fantasy was to play characters "bigger than myself". The reality is that I play characters "smaller than myself". (I don't think I'm ever going to get over my disappointment about this.) "I don't want life to imitate art, I want life to be art!" -From Postcards From The Edge- (That fact that I also feel this way is, I think, one of the myriad of thoughts that keep me from being happy.)
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