8:19 am - Friday, Dec. 05, 2003
A Mite Discouraged

Thurs 12/04/03 (8:43 p.m.)

Weeks ago, I saw one of those local news "hidden camera" things about oil-change places. They took perfectly maintained vehicles to four different oil changes places, and three out of four places tried to rip them off by saying they had this or that "problem" that needed fixing (They went to each chain a number of times; the only place that never ripped them off was, I believe, Quik-lube).

This story stayed with me, because I'd gone to one of the ripoff places�EZ Lube-- the last time I'd gotten an oil change. It left me feeling like, "I'm not being paranoid. They really are out to get me!". And I hate feeling that way; I want to live in a world where, when I need an oil change, I can just go someplace and get an oil change without worrying about it.

And it seems like there's never a shortage of these "Everyone's trying to rip you off" stories for the local news. Maybe I'm a lot more naive than any 42-year-old should be, but I find that really depressing.

I'm continuing to feel "let down" by tv this season...

By and large, I liked Aaron Sorkin's writing for The West Wing�It may not have been realistic, but I enjoyed his fantasy White House where everyone was funny and razor-sharp (And liberal)--so when I'd heard he'd gotten canned, I thought there might be trouble (Whatever flaws he may have as a writer�some people think he's "preachy" and that all his characters sound the same--he has a "singular voice" that's proving impossible to duplicate) . And in my mind, there is trouble with the show. Maybe "Jump The Shark"-level trouble.

And in the case of two other shows�NYPD Blue and ER�they just feel "tapped out". I don't know that they've even declined in quality, per se, but I just don't find myself interested; It seems like they've pretty much told all the stories they have to tell.

In the case of ER, I think an "issue" for me is the lack of a compelling central character, an "anchor" to the show. If there's a "Jump The Shark" moment for ER, I'd say it was the exit of Anthony Edwards. He was the character I related to most, and I thought he was the heart of the show.

And the promos for ER annoy the hell out of me! "In a season as good as it's ever been, comes an episode which is as good as it gets..." seems to be laying it on a bit thick, if you ask me (And don't get me started on "An episode to treasure...."!). It reminds me of a related annoyance, which are ads for god-awful movies that start with "The critics agree..." (Ex. "The critics agee--The Haunted Mansion is a scary good time"), when "the critics" don't agree at all (How come they get to say that?) (Let me answer my own question here--It's all in the phrasing; what they're actually saying is "Amongst the avalanche of shitty reviews, we found two guys who were so anxious to see their names in print that they found something nice to say about this waste of film...").

Fri 12/05/03 (7:45 a.m.)

Spent my "weekend" being lonely and bored. There weren't any auditions, and I didn't go to the movies. Things basically peaked when I had breakfast with Pat on Wednesday morning, and went downhill from there.

Between my last entry and the one before, I spent a lot of my time not writing in here.

I think something that discourages me about writing "for real" is the fact that I can't even seem to accomplish what it is I want to accomplish in here. How am I going to do something better when I can't even do this to my own satisfaction?

The key word here is "resistance". I have a resistance to trying, to failing, to frustration, to revealing myself...you name it, and I seem to be resisting it.

And I'm not happy about it.

I need to write. I need to have something to do, some creative thing, some project I'm working on, so I don't just fixate on auditions, waiting to hear something, then (most of the time) being disappointed. If that's all I've got in my life�And right now, that's pretty much all I've got in my life-- it's going to drive me nuts.

You know what's also bothering me? About Diaryland? I think one of my friends has stopped reading it. Of course, that's their perogative, but it's pretty discouraging�If I can't keep someone reading who theoretically knows and likes me, how the fuck am I going to hold a stranger's attention?

Fuck it. I'm going back to bed...

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