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10:17 am - Fri 11/25/05
Missing Borders and Dissing ArcLight

Missing Borders and Dissing ArcLight

(This first bit I wrote before the stuff about shooting my bit on House, but I thought it made for too long an entry, and that way more people would be interested in knowing how the House shoot went. But anyway...)

Tues 11/22/05 (2:31 p.m.)

Feel like I haven’t been writing in here very well lately...

I think one problem is that I’ve been hesitant to say I miss anything about Borders, or to diss anything about ArcLight, for fear the response will be, “Golly, he just can’t be happy anywhere...”.

One anti-ArcLight thing, and I just found this out Sunday–They don’t offer health insurance to the worker-bees.

Afterwards, I wracked my brain, trying to figure out why I thought they did–Did I just assume they would, did I get confused about something I read, or what? It bothers me that I let myself get this far “in” without knowing this really important bit of info (Would it have been a “deal breaker”? I’m not sure. But I should have thought to ask before now).

Even though I was debating at one point whether to sign up for insurance or not, I’d pretty much decided I needed to, so to find out that wasn’t really an option...well, let’s say I had a couple of “dark moments”, where I wondered if I had indeed made a mistake in leaving Borders.

But trying to see “the bright side”–That’ll mean more “take home pay”, I might be more able to swing the gym membership at some point (Since it’s about half what I was paying out in health insurance at Borders), and there’s always the possibility I could book a couple good commercial/tv things, and start getting insurance through SAG.

(And ArcLight does offer insurance at the supervisory/managerial level, so I may have to go “up the organization”, whether I want to or not, just so I can make a living wage, without having to worry about illness or injury driving me into bankruptcy.)

But regarding missing Borders or dissing ArcLight–It hit me yesterday, after watching my second free movie since I’ve been at the theater (Good Night And Good Luck), that in one major way, comparing Borders to ArcLight at this point is “apples and oranges”: I had huge “issues” with Borders, to be sure, but at the same time, I knew what I was doing, I had friends there, and in a certain sense, I was comfortable, and those are pretty big things for me (There’s a reason it took me a full year to leave after David’s arrival, when I should have been gone the next week).

I think ArcLight is ultimately going to be a good job for me–insurance issues aside–but right now, it’s the thing I don’t know, the environment I’m not completely comfortable in, and aside from my little group of fellow trainees, I’m still a “stranger in a strange land” there (I haven’t wanted to be a crybaby about it, but I’m been very lonely the past week or so).

If comparisons have to be made–In an over-arching, “Is this better or worse than being at Borders?” sense–It’s only fair that I wait till I know what I’m doing at ArcLight, until I get over the discomfort of feeling unsettled, to then see how I feel.

At this writing, I haven’t gotten called about House, which is theoretically shooting tomorrow.

I want to clear up some possible confusion–Any stress or upset I was feeling about House was entirely over the fact that no one called me about the schedule change; It seems stupid now, but I was really wrestling with a pretty major panic that it was my fault somehow–I’d accidently deleted their message or something, and now they were like “Fuck it! Let’s get on the phone and cast that other guy we liked for the part...”.

In terms of actually doing the job, I’m a little nervous, of course (It would be kind of nutty if I weren’t), but I’m more eager than anything.

There’s no reason this shouldn’t be a great experience; they’ll probably feed me at some point–and you know how much I like that– I’ll get to act a little bit, and I’ll get a check afterwards. Then I get to put the credit on my resume, and I’ll have the fun of seeing myself on TV (And in terms of worrying about “messing up”–I’m saying one line, as I basically stand in one spot. And if something goes wrong, they’ll do another take, so what’s there to worry about?).

Even though I got an extra day’s pay out of the deal–And after all the crying you’ve heard me do about money in here, you know how huge that is--I still wish the shoot had happened yesterday, as scheduled, and I was writing right now about the fun day I’d had “on set”.

When I booked the gig, I really liked that the shoot day was on my day off at ArcLight. I thought that was a nice little “grace note” to my happy news--"Icing on the cake", as it were.

And I like icing.


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