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10:56 AM - 05.27.19

The Downward Slope

There are times where it's particularly important to "write while the writing's good" - Last Friday was an exceptionally good day and I should have taken note of it before the "goodness" of the day started draining away.

What am I talking about, you ask?

Well, by Friday, I'd had my birthday - which had been relatively lovely, as birthdays go - and gone on two auditions (One commercial, one theatrical), which ended up in a pin and an avail (Which in each case, as I've said before, is essentially being told "It's not necessarily you...but it could be you").

And Jane had arrived in town, for more shooting of the thing ("The thing" being the documentary Acting Like Nothing Is Wrong). We went to Bottega Louie, which is kind of "our place", where Jane gave me a belated birthday card and gift certificate. And at that point, it struck me how the day could hardly have been better (I'd had the theatrical audition in the early afternoon, and had found out I'd been pinned for it maybe a half-hour after I'd gotten home).

I should have noted it in here, while it was still all fun and possibility, instead of waiting till first I was released from the commercial avail, then proceeded to feel the slow death of the theatrical pin (I haven't gotten word it didn't happen - and I likely won't - but It's virtually positive I would have heard by now).

I did tell Jane that I appreciated how good the day had been - I said it out loud because I knew that, if/when the pins/avails fell through, it would be easy to sour on the experiences that had been fun and exciting.

Anyway, now I'm in the position of writing about "old news", and trying to gin-up the feeling that, even though I ultimately lost, it was still a "win" to have two auditions in a row lead to almost getting into the winner's circle.


The challenge now, in my mind, is to figure out if there's anything I can do to get myself from "almost" to booking the fucking things!

I honestly don't know if that's in my power - Is it just "out of my hands" at that point, or Is there some "extra special something" I can add that puts me over the top?

I don't know.

But I sure as shit would like to know. I'm tired of not winning any prizes (Beyond needing to make money, I just need to just win every once-in-a-while).

The documentary, as I've said before, is like acting, in the sense that I have a "project" - a project I'm pretty central to - and that requires I do my best to make it work (I should say, it's like an acting project I would like to have but never do, one where I am critical to the success or failure of the project).

But there is the sticky issue of money, and how I'm not making anything from this (And there isn't any tangible prospect of making anything from this - You don't get paid to be the subject of a documentary - so the hope has to be, if I want "something to come of this", that someone sees the documentary and it somehow makes them want to be in the "Jim Hoffmaster" business. But is that really a "thing"? When's the last time anyone parlayed being the subject of a documentary into an acting career?).


Mon 5/27/19 (10:05 pm)

(I wrote the first part of this entry during filming we did in my apartment that day - It was funny, because I started writing the way I normally do - with loads of stopping and re-reading and editing and thinking about what I want to say next - but Seth kept urging me onward every time I stopped, so it ended up being almost stream of consciousness stuff. But anyway...)

This is Jane R's last full day in LA - Not sure when she leaves tomorrow but based on past trips, she'll likely be gone before I get done with work - and I think we have a pretty mellow itinerary; maybe some audio recording, and a trip to the Museum of Death ("Just for fun", not for the film), and, I imagine, a final meal.

Actually, considering she's been here for a week-and-a-half, this shoot has been relatively light-duty for Yours Truly - Jane did separate interviews with my friends Josh and Mike (Instead of having them talking with me as she did with Cary and Tim), shot B-roll with Seth and Nathan (Our camera-guy and his assistant), and shot with a 16 mm camera in my apartment (More B-roll, basically - I was just a warm body, so it was kind of tedious for me, though since Jane gave him free rein and he was excited about shooting in 16mm, Seth had a great time).

We did some audio on Saturday. But for the most part, it feels like a lot of my time with Jane this time out has just been "hanging out", which has been nice - Jane is very "hang out-able" - and probably helps her pragmatically, in terms of the film, as she tells me what she's thinking in terms of what's coming up, and we share thoughts on what's done and what's left to do.

It's starting to feel as if we're on the "downward slope" in terms of shooting - We're going to Michigan in two weeks, we're hoping to get some action in terms of shooting on the Warner lot for Shameless (Jane's talked to Michael HIssrich, the Producer, but that's all we've got so far), there will probably be some "pick-ups" needed around LA, and there's the possibility of going to West Virginia (Which reminds me - I keep telling Jane I'm going to check with people and see if anyone - Gregg, Brittany, Ashley, maybe even Tony and Lori - would be up for talking with us while we're there, but I haven't done shit so far. Which means our being in West Virginia could consist of me walking around a "home town" I don't recognize trying to find landmarks that mean something to me...which Jane is not completely averse to, since that kinda tells its own story).

It won't be the end of our "relationship" - we'll be attending some number of film festivals next year - and I suspect we'll remain close as a result of this project, but I think we're both feeling a sense of pending loss when the shooting comes to an end.

Well, I'm nowhere near done - Didn't mention that Jane fairly easily tracked down "Beth II" (My last girlfriend) and David Dehaven, my foster brother for a good eight years of my childhood, which could - and very well might be - a journal entry all by itself - but I'm meeting Jane shortly, and I feel the urge to "publish" what I've got.

So, till next time...


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