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11:08 am - Tue 4/30/02
Dramatic possibilites
(The following is an e-mail to Mark Z.)

Yeah, I feel pretty good about the car. Not to get too "cosmic" about it, but I feel like I "put it out there", in terms of what I needed from a car, and there it was, literally a block away. I feel like it's a definite step in the right direction. And thank you for helping me take that step!

At this point, I'm feeling like I made the Crossing The Line" experience out to be worse than it was. Yeah, the script wasn't good, and conditions could have been better, and it would have been nice to have been getting paid, and it would have been nice to play in front of bigger houses, but all that shouldn't have detracted from the fact that I was acting in LA--If not "The Big Time", at least in the immediate vicinity of "The Big Time"--and playing a lead to boot (And doing a better job playing a 65 year old black man than the 65 year old black man playing the part the other half of the time!). As I said to Kathy B. in an e-mail, at the very least it was a better use of my time than what I would have been doing otherwise--Watching tv and looking at dirty pictures on the Internet.

Speaking of "covering the gray", I'm thinking about that very thing myself. I'm probably going to go the "Grecian Formula" route.

I'm not completely comfortable with the idea, but I'm really not doing it for me; If I were just "Joe Working-Class-Guy", I really doubt I'd bother, but if it's going to be an "issue" for me as an actor, I'm going to do what I need to do to be viable.

I will let you know when the checks arrive. And thank you again for your invaluable help in getting me back on four wheels again. Beyond the practical assistance, it means more to me than I can say to know you guys are in my corner.

Love,

Jim

_________________________________________________

Just a few minutes before I have to head out to work...

I was looking Thunder & Lightning, Natalie Goldberg's latest book on writing yesterday.

I was just skimming through it, but even so, there were things she brought up that I've thought about in my own life, as an actor and perhaps a writer as well--Looking at people ahead of you, people successful in the way you wish to be successful, and seeing them not be very happy about it (And seeing people who are struggling along become bitter, as they see people who they don't perceive to be as talented get more attention and acclaim).

Persuing a career as an "artist" of any kind probably isn't going to make you happy. But for me, I'm getting to the point where, happy or not, this is the thing I do. And maybe my being "happy" isn't the point. Maybe this is just my "place in the world".

Who knows?

The other thing she brought up that I've definitely experienced as an actor is a sense of being "once removed" from life.

There's always a part of me that's distanced from the experience I'm having at a given moment. I'm living it, but I'm also playing it out in my mind for it's dramatic/comedic/filmic possibilities.

But right now, I'd better explore the "dramatic/comedic/filmic" possibilities of getting my ass to work...

 

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