2:41 am - Mon 5/23/05
(Like my last entry, this entry started life as an email. But I've decided to post this as a D-land entry instead, because I think it's at least semi-interesting, in how it compares and contrasts with the last entry. And it allows me to make a correction in the last entry as well: Wilber, my sexually-confused former coworker, was not fired. He quit.)
As birthday's go, my birthday was a pretty good one. I visited my friends Cary and Kay (Who have a 10 month old boy, Donovan) at their home in Newhall, and was there from around 10:00 a.m. to 4:00.
After that, I just hung out around the homestead, watching the 5th season of "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" that Cary had loaned me, and eating birthday cake (I went home with about three-quarters of a cake left, and had eaten it all before the evening was over. Add that to the dozens of chocolate chip cookies Jane had made for me, and any thought of "dieting" was out the window for awhile).
I took a couple days off from work. I've said I did it because it was the cheapest "present" I could give myself, but it was really more about wanting to avoid feeling pathetic and sorry for myself--I would have been depressed being at work that day, with no one knowing it was my birthday, but would have felt pathetic running around saying "Hey Everybody, it's my birthday!", like they were supposed to CARE. It made sense to take myself out of the situation, and come back once the day, and the inevitable post-birthday letdown, had subsided.
I guess that "hanging around the homestead" stuff I did on my birthday was pretty addictive, because that's pretty much all I did on my mini-"vacation" (With my normal Weds/Thurs "weekend", I was away from the bookstore for five days). I had told myself to go to the beach, go to the museum, go to the movies, go to the PARK even. Just go SOMEWHERE. But aside from going to Subway or Jack-In-The-Box or wherever, and having a couple of auditions, I couldn't seem to make myself leave the house.
(Actually, I did TRY to see a movie on Tuesday, after one audition, but under the heading of "What Are The Odds OF THIS Happening?", the theater I went to had just had some sort of mysterious power outtage and didn't know when the juice would be coming back on, so I just ended up going home.)
Speaking of the bookstore, there have been a couple of interesting developments recently.
Wilber, a soft-spoken 17 year old Hispanic kid who mostly worked the registers, recently quit under some sort of angry/unhappy cloud. I don't know the details, but the rumors are running rampant. The "buzz" is that David and Craig, the GM and one of the supervisors, who are both gay, were trying to "recruit" Wilber, who is apparently "confused" about his sexuality. And somewhere along the line, things went awry, feeling were hurt, and tempers flared--Now higher ups have apparently been involved, Wilbers parent are NOT happy, and his school has launched some sort of "investigation" (Wilber was first involved with the store in some high school "work release" program).
And while I was still on vacation, Brad W., our corporate sales guy (Six months in that position, but with the store the past three-and-a-half years) tendered his resignation.
By itself, that would just be cause for sadness--I like Brad a great deal--but on his way out the door, he emailed a letter of resignation (Which he forewarded to David, David's immediate superiors, and a number of his fellow coworkers). In the letter, he said that while he was not quitting because of David--It was more because he was making very little in the position, while bringing in thousands of dollars to the store--he felt he needed to address the "personel problems" at the store.
He basically said that the exodus of cashiers, booksellers, and supervisors during David's tenure was not an accident, that David has shown blatent favoritism amongst the staff, has undercut his managers, and that while he may "look good on paper", the situation at the store, in terms of morale, was bad and would continue to get worse under David's direction.
The higher-ups took what Brad had to say seriously enough--This is a guy who's generated over $200,000 in sales for the store over the past six months--that they made a special guest appearance at the store on Thursday--one of my days off, unfortunately--to interview the staff (David was away for the week at some big GM conference).
(I'm thinking about emailing the regional HR person to give her my two cents worth. For what my two cents worth is worth.)
That's about the most interesting thing that's going on in my world right now.
I had three auditions during the five days I was "off"--One on Tuesday, and two on Thursday. Nothing very interesting, but I'm hoping at least two of them might still be "in play".
Feel myself starting to "drag my heels" a little with the notary stuff. I have my commission, I've gotten all my supplies, and I could have went to the Country Clerks office at any point since this past Tuesday...but I haven't.
I also need to make arrangements for taking the loan-signing course, which could be the difference between having a little extra spending money, and actually making a LIVING at this notary stuff.
So why have I not been DOING this stuff? I guess because I'm afraid--afraid that I'm going to funnel hundreds of dollars into this notary crap, and it's not going to pan out.
But my larger fear is about becoming "a free agent".
The only time I've ever not had a regular job as an adult was a brief period of time in the mid-Eighties when I was on welfare. And as much as I want out of Borders (And the retail world in general), as much as I want to put the focus on trying to be "Actor Guy" out here, I'm afraid I won't be enough of a "go-getter" to keep myself afloat. I'm afraid I won't be able to deal with the constant anxiety of never knowing what's coming in on any given month. I have enough difficulty dealing with the stress of constantly being POOR–What if I have periods of time as a "free agent" that make "The Borders Years" seem more like like "the salad days"?
But really, what's the ALTERNATIVE? I can't think of one, certainly not one that seems very appealing. I just have to "suck it up", and do what I need to do out here. "No risk, no reward", and all that.
And that's the up-to-the-minute scoop on me.
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