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12:58 pm - Monday, Nov. 19, 2007
Emailing Jane

Emailing Jane

(Okay - Now I'm just being lazy...)

Hi Jane--

(I've responded to your last email already, but I don't have the little "I've responded to this" icon next to it on my list. So, have you gotten an email from me recently...?)

I wanted to address something you commented on in Diaryland.

That somewhat cryptic entry-since deleted-which was about equal parts anger and self-pity, was something I wrote after reading an entry in Carrie M's journal.

In an online questionnaire she filled out, when asked "What four things would you tell your high-school self?", one of her answers was "He doesn't love you the way you love him, so he's not worth losing your best friend".

I was "he", and it upset me that this person who'd been so important to me would, if she could, un-do our time together (That's how I read it, anyway).

(It's troubling to realize that, of the short list of "Most Important People In My Life", a good number of them seem to wish they'd never met me.)

(It just occurred to me-Instead of being sad/angry over what Carrie wrote, I should just be glad she didn't figure out I wasn't worth getting involved with SOONER!)

Don't know if you've read my latest D-land (Just copied an email I wrote Chris S.), but I've got a bit of a hitch-in-my-giddyup; a blister on my foot has become infected, and as a result, I had to call JS yesterday to cancel today's commercial audition, which kinda sucks (I can do the theatrical one tomorrow, because it's the sit-down part of a cab driver).

It's a heavy price to pay for attending a party I didn't even enjoy (I got the blister from the boots I wore as an "Old Biker", when I went to Jen and Molly's post-Halloween party earlier this month), but what are ya gonna DO? ("Take better care of your feet" would be ONE possible answer, I guess.)

So I'm supposed to stay off the foot as much as possible for a couple days, and take my antibiotics, and my giddyup should be hitch-free before too long.

In the email I don't know if you received or not, I forgot to mention that I DID go to M'Dears a second time, last Monday.

I wasn't unhappy with how it went the first time, but this most recent time went much BETTER; instead of sounding like an amateur playing with professionals, I thought it was close to sounding like I was just "playing a couple songs with my band".

And unlike the first time, when I thought everyone who got up was "okay", but no one really knocked me out, there was one guy who was just AMAZING (David-somebody). Just some middle-aged balding white guy you wouldn't have thought much about one way or another. Then he got up, and had this great "blues shouter" voice, and really hot, gut-bucket slide guitar (And his guitar playing was just as good once he took the slide off). Even if I hadn't gotten to get up and do my thing, the night would have been worth it just to hear this guy play.

(They're taking this week off cause of Thanksgiving, but I plan to go back next Monday.)

Anyway, that's about it from here.

Let me know if you got that previous email. If you did, I don't want to repeat myself, but if you didn't, I would like to actually RESPOND to what you wrote.

Hope you're well, and give my regards to the Markster.



(Jane wrote me back, confused about the context of Carrie's "He doesn't love you like you love him, so he's not worth losing your best friend" remark, so here's my response.)

Yeah, I should have clarified that "losing your best friend" thing...

I'm about 99% certain she means her friend Cathi (who goes by "Cate" now).

In high school, after exiting the Pupo residence and having my best friend Tim F. "break up" with me, I was not doing too well, and I kind of "lost my mind" at a party-Drank too much, and when Cathi/Cate started taunting me, I kind of...tried to kill her, and just acted-out in general (Did I mention I had liked Cathi/Cate earlier in my high school life? I think that might be important as "subtext").

(This might have just been an "acting exercise" now that I think about it--the "taunting" started out by her suggesting I wasn't as drunk as I was letting on, so maybe I decided I needed to "commit to the bit" more, complete with being taken to the hospital and having my stomach pumped; I was acting so crazy that night they assumed I was on drugs.)

Carrie ended up being the only one who hung with me after that little episode, I guess at the expense of her relationship with Cathi/Cate (Who somehow took it personally, my trying to kill her and all that).

(For the record? I never got anywhere close to her that night-I don't think--but just the idea that I wanted to hurt her was offensive, or scary, or whatever-it-was.)

Anyway, I'm sure I had inklings that Carrie felt differently about me than I did about her, and felt guilty about it (When I allowed myself to think about it), but what was I going to do? Turn away the only person who was around at that point? If I had--or if she had realized I "wasn't worth it" and not gotten involved with me-I might very well not be here to write about it today (That might be over-stating the case...but it also might not. I'm not sure).

But it seems like it all worked out; the "Evil One"--that would be me--has been punished with a sexless, companion-free life (Unless you count my cats, I've been alone now for a solid fifteen or sixteen years), and the "best friends" are best friends again.

Don't you love a happy ENDING?

The "Lost Email" wasn't that fascinating, as I recall...

I said that I was glad you were feeling more "chill" about RUMP (Because this stuff is supposed to be FUN, after all).

And I said something like "After that list of ailing and infirm relatives, you've finally convinced me--I AM better off" (Not having family).

And I congratulated you on Nate and Katrina's baby news, marveling again at you being a grandma.

Beyond that, I think there was just more blah-blah-blah about "The Wonder Of Me". Nothing you haven't heard before...

I hope you don't mind if I sometimes post my side of our correspondence in Diaryland. I do think it can sometimes show a slightly different facet of myself to my tens of fans...and I'm also lazy, and if I cover something when I write to you that I'd want to write about in Diaryland, it can be hard to motivate myself to go through it all again.

Anyway, let me know if that's a problem.

And thanks for passing along that "EvieTV" link (I did check out the last one, and found it adorable beyond words).



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