9:22 pm - Thurs 9/16/04
Three-and-a-half years out here, and I'm not FAMOUS yet? What's up with THAT?

Tues 9/14/04 (10:53 a.m.)

My thoughts these days are moving too fast to really get down in here. Find myself thinking, as I often do, that what's in my head is pretty much always more interesting than what actually makes it to the page.

Frustrating.

But anyway...

Yesterday's audition, for Renault, sucked. I was equal parts frustrated with the spot (Which was stupid), the C.D.(Who was not helpful), and with myself (Once again, I was unable to transcend circumstances I found...challenging). I was pretty unhappy afterwards, which I found darkly comical, since I've been crying about not having any auditions for the past two weeks (Basically, I'm unhappy when I don't have auditions, and�lately at least�I'm unhappy when I do. I guess that leaves me with "the time between JS calling me about an audition and my actually doing the audition" as the time I can let myself be happy).

The real disappointment (Beyond losing out on the money, of course. And being disappointed with myself)? The spot's shooting overseas (In Portugal).

For most of my life, I've never given much thought to travelling overseas. But now that I have a passport, I find myself thinking about it a lot more. And booking a commercial that shoots abroad is�right now, anyway�the best shot I have at getting to travel (And besides, I just want to be able to say that I've shot "on location" in some far-off locale).

But I'm not going to belabor the intense suckitude of yesterday's experience.

I'd prefer to move on to today's audition...

It's one of those Aflac spots (You know�the ones with the annoying duck). I'm the "Pet Store Owner" who sold someone the duck; in the spot, the unhappy customer's returning the duck for a refund because of the whole "AFF-FLACK!!!" thing.

Trying not to over-think this one. The last time I tried to really prepare, it backfired badly, so I'm hoping being just a little bit "looser" with it will be better.

But speaking of the audition, it's time for me to head out...

Thurs 9/16/04 (5:23 p.m.)

Well, we're 0-for-2 on recent auditions: The Aflac thing pretty much bit the big one.

But I was forewarned this time out�the camera guy said the spot was written in such a way that it was going to be very hard to read (There were lots of "stage directions"), that it didn't "end" so much " just peter out", and that when we were done, we weren't going to feel like we'd "done anything".

Sure enough, it was hard to read, it didn't really end, and when we were finished, I didn't feel like I'd "done anything".

But taking all that into account, I still sucked (I'm feeling pretty nostalgic about the days when I was getting a lot of callbacks...).

(The only thing I kind of felt good about at the audition is a creative use of props; they had some stuffed animals and such, and I draped a rubber snake around my neck, kissing it and whispering sweet nothings. Seemed like a "Pet Store Guy" thing to do.)

The disappointment here is entirely professional; I don't actually like those spots very much, to be honest, but it's a highly visible, ongoing campaign, it's a union gig, and Jimmy needs to book.

Commercially, I'm very disappointed about how the second half of this year has gone. I got off to such a quick start, and was really hoping this was going to be the year, the year I'd book a couple big nationals, get in the union, and do my one-man conga line out of Borders.

But even though we're in the last quarter of the year�and we got here pretty quickly-- I've still got time. The year's not over yet, and the nice thing about what I'm doing is that my fortunes really could turn at any moment. All it would take is the right couple of commercials.

On the NON-commercial acting front, I saw a notice on Backstage.Com, an audition for the play Proof, and decided to go for it; I called for an appointment�two weeks from today--and picked up the play earlier today at Samuel French.

I read the show, and liked it...though I sort of felt like I was missing something (The girl who sold me the play waxed lyrical about it, and it won both a Pulitzer and a Tony. So what's wrong with me that I merely "liked" it?).

The idea of playing a genius mathematician kind of tickles me (I was lucky to pass "Consumer Math" in high school, but I guess that's the magic of acting).

Over and above the play or the role or any "actor-ish" stuff like that, what's important about this is that I'm doing it first and asking questions later, instead of tailoring things to fit the bookstore (Though it didn't hurt that the audition was on a Thursday, one of my days off).

Again, it strikes me that I need to take this more seriously (Acting, I mean). Recently, it occurred to me that other people at the store often require schedule accomodations�to fit in school or a second job or what-have-you�but I've been terrified of needing those same accomodations for acting, as if what I wanted wasn't as important somehow.

I've got to lose that mindset. Not to get belligerent about it, or treat the bookstore job disrespectfully, but to just say "Acting is my �school', my �second job', my passion, and I need to do what I need to do".

Cause it's three-and-a-half years now, and not nearly enough is happening. The clock is ticking, and that ticking is starting to sound downright thunderous.

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