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12:56 pm - Wed 7/24/02 Well, my thing I've "accomplished" today is moving my car out of the way of the parking gestapo (It may not seem like much, but it's worth at least $40 in "I didn't get a ticket" money). (And speaking of the car...) Just went out to get my mail. Instead of the happy little surprise I always hope to get in the mail and rarely receive, I got an unhappy little surprise (That, to be fair, I also rarely receive; The bulk of my "mailbox unhappiness" arrives once a month, right on schedule, and falls under the heading of "bills"). When I signed up for my car insurance, I wanted to opt for two payments, six months apart. But while I forget the specific reason now, they wouldn't let me do that; My only options were to pay it all right then, or to pay every two months. So I opted for the "every two month" plan, but since I'd had my heart set on the "twice a year plan", I guess my subconscious decided to remember things that way. (The odd thing? It was an "overdue" notice, and I really can't recall ever getting a "due" notice. But--subconscious to the rescue once again--maybe since I wasn't expecting a bill, I overlooked it, or just thought it was a thank-you note "for all that nice money you just sent us".) Anyway, it's paid now--I paid with a credit card (It's not real money, after all, right?)--so we'll just consider that a crisis averted. Another annoyance is that my bike is acting up again. As it has been in the past, the back tire is the culprit, rubbing against the side of the bike again (Apparently, this bike has a hard time handling my enormous bulk). But it's nothing a trip to the bike shop and more money can't fix. Feels like I don't really have anything to say these days. I feel bored and boring. Was chatting with Kevin earlier today, about sending those headshots out, and told him something that has always seemed to be the case with me; In addition to lethargy, fear, and so on, another thing that saps my motivation to do something is that I'll do whatever-it-is, or at least take a step in that direction, then either be disappointed when it doesn't yield immediate, positive results, or else just not have a sensation of actually having done something, or enough of something. I'm not going to immediately get a job just because I sent a handful of headshots out. It may take more than one little step in the right direction before things start going the way I want them to. One "challenge" I'm going to have is to keep my spirits up while I'm waiting for something to come through, and to not stop simply because "nothing is happening" or worse yet, because "I don't feel good". I have to take a look at the Hollywood Reporter today. I think they have listings in the back for upcoming film productions, and if I can just send headshots directly to them, I need to do that. Still feeling that need for something really good to happen. Something that will be a big help, something that will make me feel better. Something...
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