9:38 PM - Sun 2.23.14
Jim Hoffmaster: Degenerate Dope Fiend

I have thought, from time to time, "I should write when there isn't anything to write about", the idea being that it would be interesting to see what would "emerge" as a result.

What would I end up writing about if I didn't start out knowing what I wanted to write about?

And since I last wrote, there's been plenty of opportunity to do just that...but now there's loads to write about, so seeing what "emerges" when I'm faced with a blank screen and nothing to write about will have to wait for another day.

(This was the scene I was supposed to shoot earlier this month, which was postponed when someone got the flu.)

It was an earlier-than-usual call - 8:00 am - and we wrapped three hours later, giving me that mixed-bag feeling I often have when that happens (I'm pleased we knocked it out so quickly - which really had to happen, because we were working with two babies in the scene, and you can only have babies on set for a limited time - and I marvel over how much I just got paid for a relatively minor effort. But at the same time, there's a distinct letdown in my "acting day" being over so quickly).

And it was bittersweet in general, because when the scene wrapped, that was it for season four.

And a good season it was - I was pleased to get the most episodes in a season to date, and I got a couple really fun things to do (Though it was interesting for me to realize that "really fun things to do" sometimes came with extra anxiety, as I worried I was going to maybe get enough to do that people might actually notice me on the show).

It was also nice that the producers were pretty generous with giving me "guest star" status on a number of episodes (It feels good to be able to say, but more pragmatically, it's a $500 "bump" from "co-star" status).

The show has been given another season, and the rumor is they want to start shooting in June (This year, shooting started later than normal, so we were still shooting episodes as the season started airing). That's okay with me, though I kind of enjoyed starting the new year working.

After work, I took it to Stan's Tech Garage, hoping it would be a cheap repair, but suspecting we'd hit the "you're better off buying a new computer" portion of the program.

(The computer I was bringing in was an old one I had bought from Stan for $100, after the last computer I brought to him - which I'd hung onto for years after most people would have upgraded - had hit its "this isn't really worth fixing" expiration date.)

When he told me it was the power source, and would cost $100, I was ready to pay the $100 and keep nursing it along for awhile, as had been my previous M.O. But Stan convinced me it made more sense to buy a new laptop from him for $350, and have a substantially better machine, than to pay $100 to keep my ancient desktop going, only to potentially have something else crap out a few months from now.

So I have my first-ever laptop.

I like that it takes up less space, and I like the idea I could unplug it and take it with me somewhere, if I were of a mind to, but I've not noticed any big difference in performance, which has been disappointing (Had an initial "Issue" with not being able to play dvds, but called Stan and he gave me the name of a good all-purpose media player to download. And there've been some other issues - particularly with running Facebook (But a certain "pokiness" in general, in loading pages and such - which suggest I've got some programs that are working at cross-purposes and/or have already contracted some malware (downloaded something called malwarebytes that a friend recommended, to address the issue,
but it didn't seem to make any difference).

Anyway, I'm planning to call the company's tech people, to see if they can ascertain what might be going on.

After I bought my new laptop - If I'm remembering the "timeline of events" correctly, I woke up to a dead computer, and had the laptop by early evening - I distinctly remember thinking, "When I really want something, I'm pretty fucking decisive...!".

I think what distinguishes something that provokes decisive action from me versus something that does not, is being able to say to myself, "I really want this...and I actually need it".

Or vice-versa.

Can't really do without a computer in this day-and-age, and I don't really want to do without a computer.

That's a potent combo.

I just wish "want" and "need" came together more often, instead of, as often as not, seeming to be in conflict with each other.

In any case...

Something else that happened recently...

When complaining to a friend about my chronic sleeping issues, said friend offered...let's say, "an herbal remedy".

Wasn't convinced it would really do much...beyond get me high, I mean. Accepting the generous offer was really more about doing something I haven't done in a long time - and I guess was assuming I wasn't likely to do again - than anything else.

My friend gave me a little stash, which somehow, didn't make it all the way home (Hopefully someone's day was made just a little brighter when they found the baggie with a delightful surprise nestled in some tinfoil), so they then gave me another one, which I thought was extra--nice (If it had been me, I would have said, "Well, I tried to help you out - You're on your own now...!").

Tonight is my third "treatment" (I was told the stuff was "potent", and it most certainly is), and I'm hoping "third time's the charm" will actually come into play here - I said I accepted the offer mostly to have the novel experience of getting high again, but I wouldn't mind if it actually did help me sleep (The first time I did it a little too early... and I don't remember what happened the second time).

Well, it seems pot has the same effect as alcohol, at least for me - I go off to sleep fine, but wake up through the night, at least as much as usual, if not more.

But it's fun. And as "temporary relief from anxiety goes", it clearly works (I told a friend, "I feel tired and dopey like I often do...but for some reason, I'm inexplicably happy about it")...though I don't see it becoming a new habit to acquire; I don't need to add "pot" to the list of monthly bills.

(Ironically, I think that would make me more anxious, not less).)

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