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10:06 am - Thurs 1/10/08 Well, it was a nice couple days off (I'm back at work this evening, closing Guest Services). I had an audition on Monday (An industrial for Liberty Mutual), workouts with Jennifer Tuesday and yesterday, a therapy session with Javier last night, and, in a game of "cinematic catch-up", since Sunday night have seen four movies (The Bucket List, Sweeney Todd, Charlie Wilson's War, and There Will Be Blood). (Over the holidays, when I only had one day off each week, I couldn't bring myself to go to ArcLight when I didn't have to, even though there were a number of good movies to see. I just couldn't do it.) You know, the past three days have been so nice, I'd like to start back at Monday, and enjoy them all over again. I've been doing a lot of thinking about what's going on when I have "a good day" or a good series of days, and how I'd like my days to go in general. Being single most of my adult life, I've gotten used to a lot of "down time". And while it can become an "issue" if I feel I'm having nothing but "down time" (It's bad when I start feeling "lonely", or like "nothing's going on". Emotionally, things tend to go downhill for me from there), I'm realizing that, more often than not, I like a lot of time to myself. It's one of the things about being single that I'd like to take more advantage of, to actively work at seeing it as more of a "positive" ("I have the next couple days off--And I can do whatever I want...!") than a "negative" ("I have the next couple days off--What the hell am I going to do with myself?"). But while I do like my "down time", I'm also a social creature. I'm not a hermit (Even though I can slip into that mode if I let myself); I don't want to be "an island unto myself". And at times, I'm not always "my own best company". Sometimes I need people so I can "get out of my head". So when a planned breakfast date with my friend Gale didn't pan out on Monday (The second time we've tried to get together and failed), I was very disappointed. (We've talked, and determined that when she's in town - visiting her boyfriend, a Hollywood set designer - it might work better if we get together for lunch, before she heads back to Palm Springs, instead of for breakfast, when our schedules don't seem to be "synching up" very well. But anyway...) Failed breakfast dates aside, I was "out and about" quite a bit the past couple days, and had enough "people things" to do that I don't recall too many "lonely" moments; I'd still like more opportunities for one-on-one friendly interactions (Which is very challenging here in LA. Both making friends, and arranging "play dates" once you do), but if that isn't happening, it's still important for me to just "get out of the house", to be amongst people). (That's going to be a major issue when I'm acting full-time; if I don't have some regular gig, I'm going to have to make conscious, concerted efforts to get out of my apartment. Because, after all, "out" is where the people are.) And speaking of acting... While I'm coming to realize that acting can't be my whole life - though I'm hard pressed to figure out what else my life's going to be about in the years ahead - it is what I came out here to do, and as I told Javier yesterday, right now I'm looking for a more "acting-centric" existence (Though maybe that's specifically because I can't figure out what else my life's about. That, and there's really nothing else I want to do for a living. And I'm beyond-tired of shitty, pointless jobs, like ArcLight, that I should have been done with 25 years ago). Complicating the whole "acting can't be my whole life" thing is that, as I wrote in a previous entry, having success as an actor this year (financial success, anyway) permitted pretty much everything else to happen that made 2007 enjoyable - From travel, to paying bills without breaking a sweat, to buying a book at Borders or enjoying the turkey meatloaf at M'dears, without worrying about "breaking the bank". So it's hard not to obsess about acting, or the possibility of acting, since it's both something I want to do (Cause it's what I do, and one of the only things I'm really good at), and something I need to be successful at, in order to pay the bills and live the lifestyle I hope to become accustomed to (Not so much to have stuff - though I have no particular objection to having stuff - as to live a life where I'm spending most of my time being where I want to be, doing things I want to do, with people I want to do them with). So, while trying not to "obsess", and make acting the be-all-and-end-all of my life, it's still hard for me to feel good about a given period of time if there's no movement on that front (Which is what makes the WGA strike, and a potential SAG strike, such a rough thing for me - In one fell swoop, it takes away what I want to do, and what I need to do). Fortunately, in the first ten days this year, I've had a workshop and two auditions, which has given me the feeling that things are "happening" (And often, that's all I need on that front to keep my emotional ship upright). And I have my Monk episode a week from tomorrow, which is a nice reminder that I've already had some success (And as I've said before, the nice thing about success is that, once something has happened - like booking a co-star role or getting a national commercial - you have concrete proof such things are possible). (The Monk episode airing has another nice facet to it as well; I don't know when they're coming, but I know I'll get a nice couple residual checks from it.) So, what has Jim learned...? When I feel good about a given day, or a given period of time, it's probably because I had... 1) A lot of time to myself. I have so much more to write about, but I feel like I've gone on long enough for one entry, so I'll "see ya on the flip side"...
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