8:35 pm - Thurs 2/12/04
Weds 2/11/04 (9:27 p.m.)
Had a callback earlier today.
It was for a Center for Substance Abuse PSA (Public Service Announcement) I auditioned for a week ago.
At the initial audition, I went in with three other actors–different character types--where after slating our names for the camera, we were instructed to sit in folding chairs and "look sad".
Today, I was sent in with five other actors–different character types--where after slating our names for the camera, we were instructed to sit in folding chairs and "look sad".
(Actually, this time out I think we were instructed to look "sad", "hung-over", and like we had "given up on life". In other words, pretty much the way I look most evenings at the bookstore).
Nothing particularly exciting about the spot, or at least my part of the spot–basically, I'd be a glorified extra–but I'd still like to get it, because...well, because I basically want to get every spot I go up for.
But whether I get it or not, I'm still very happy about the callback, because that's my second in five auditions; one of my goals this year is to get more callbacks, which will hopefully mean booking more gigs (Last year I averaged a callback for every five auditions. I'd like to get that down to a callback for every two or three auditions).
I've thought this before, but it struck me again at callbacks today...I feel "validated" by callbacks, and even more by actual bookings. Not validated in terms of my acting so much--these things feel "sort of" like acting, but not really--but in terms of my appearance.
Obviously, George Clooney doesn't have anything to worry about, but I'm gratified to find that my appearance, flaws and all, doesn't preclude my getting work out here (That may sound like a ridiculous fear for me to have had, but it was definitely there. I worried that not only was I not good-looking enough to play the lead, but that I was too "offbeat" to do commercials, or play "regular guys" (I'm not averse to playing freaks and weirdos, but that's not all I'd want to do as an actor).
Well, I've been under a gag order up till now, but Cary's given the go-ahead to break the story to my tens of readers--Kay is pregnant!
They wanted to get past the first trimester before "going public", and apparently all systems are go.
This is a very happy event--They've been trying for a long time now, and I can't think of two people who would make better parents.
And on a personal note, I think this is as close as I'm gonna get to being an "uncle"...!
In other happy news, I got a call from JS this afternoon, and I'm "On avail" for the Center For Substance Abuse PSA!
Doesn't mean I've booked it--Just that I should keep my schedule open--but I'm very close, so cross your fingers for me.
(I'd totally love it if back-to-back callbacks led to back-to-back gigs! I'd really like to keep this happy, "Starting the year off right" feeling going!)
And the happy news just keeps coming...
Since weighing myself at Brad W's house a couple days before Xmas--and not being very happy with the result--I've lost twelve pounds!
No big "diet secrets" here--I've just kept away from Little Debbies and Hostess fruit pies and Jack-In-The-Box, and probably more importantly, made a point of eating only when I'm actually hungry (It's helped, when I have the urge to eat for eating's sake, to have some grapes or baby carrots in the house).
Like I said, no big secrets, no knowledge that hasn't been available to me all along; I've known for years now that my only problem has been that I eat too much, and too much crap.
The issue has always been motivation. Or to be more precise, the lack of motivation--I could tell you any number of reasons I liked junk food, or ate too much in general, but what it boiled down to is that it satisfied something inside me. It relieved stress, boredom, loneliness, etc. It was a ready treat, easily available, it was something to do, and it was immediate.
And I didn't have a good comeback to any of that.
I couldn't seem to shame myself into self-control, even though I've been embarrassed and uncomfortable with my body for years now.
For a time, I tried to use sex as a motivator--Both the idea that if I weren't overweight, I'd be more attractive to the opposite sex, and less uncomfortable about taking my clothes off when the time came (I should have been clued in that something had gone wrong with my self-image when I started having fantasies about my sex partners wearing blindfolds...).
But trying to motivate myself with thoughts of sex didn't work, because over time, I lost any hope "sex" was going to be in the cards (And besides, the next woman who sees me naked is going to be creeped out by all the body hair anyway).
I tried to get myself stirred up over potential health issues, but health issues years down the road had a hard time competing with a bacon double-cheeseburger right in front of me.
But it seems I've found the motivational key that will work for me, and it was right under my nose the whole time.
As I start to feel more excited about the possibilities out here, as I start to feel like a pipe dream could become reality, it makes sense to shed my excess poundage; for one thing, if I look like an overweight, sloppy guy, that's all I'm ever going to get to play.
Beyond that, I'm a middle aged guy just starting out. If I'm going to be in this for the long haul--and that's the plan--I need to stay as healthy as possible for as long as possible (The way I see it, I have to really establish myself in the next few years, so I can be one of the handful of guys who get all the "old men" parts when the time comes)
So if passing up junk food and constant snacking means I have a better chance at making a lifelong dream come true...well, it's a pretty small price to pay.
(I'm currently at 236 lbs. It's been many years since I've seen the underside of 200 lbs, but I think it's do-able. In any case, now that I've started, I'm curious to see where my body will actually want to settle.)
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