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10:51 am - Thurs 8.01.2013 Spent a good chunk of the day yesterday thinking it was the first of the month...but I was wrong. Isn't that weird...? Took a minor risk yesterday, and got a haircut (The "risk" was that I had a commercial audition for VW last week - It's not like I was up for the role of "homeless person" or anything, but still, you don't typically want to change your "look" between audition and - potential - callback). And one thing about my "look" that changes when I get a haircut - beyond the intentional hair-shortening - is that "the old gray mare" becomes older and grayer; I've been coloring my hair for the past number of years (Most of the time using an embarrassingly-named topical product called "Youthair"), so when I get a haircut, it really brings out the "salt-and-pepper", which is becoming increasingly "salty" over time. Makes me wonder, in terms of my casting, if it matters anymore whether I color my hair; clearly, I'm a "man of a certain age", but does having dark hair - what there is of it, anyway - keep me more in the "middle-aged" category? Or is it starting to just make me look silly? (My natural hair-color was, if I'm remembering correctly, somewhere between "dark brown" and "auburn"; now it looks, to borrow the term of the person who does hair on True Blood, "ashy".) I was going to post this as a Facebook status a few days ago (Starting to think I give Facebook stuff I should be saving for here): While I sometimes tend towards the negative, I'm optimistic in a couple regards - 1) I still get excited about the mail, always hoping to get "a nice surprise" and 2) When I feel really good about an audition, I expect to book the job (and am genuinely surprised if I don't). I was thinking about this yesterday, when I got home from work, and spent the rest of the afternoon basically "waiting for the mail", going down to check the box every 15 or 20 minutes - It started feeling less like "being optimistic" and more like "being desperate for something to make me feel good". I put my finger on this awhile back now - I'm constantly looking for "comfort" (through food, through the Internet, through TV, through "nice surprises " in the mail,through auditions/bookings, etc) because, frankly, "I don't feel good" most of the time. And I don't think it's the most positive, productive way to go through life - but thus far, I haven't come up with much in the way of alternatives. (And that's because the "alternatives" involve being "proactive", and not just being passively entertained, or waiting around, just "hoping good things will happen". But "being proactive" is tough when you'd really rather not do anything most of the time.) In the middle of writing this entry, I got a call from Brett, my manager - I have an audition on Monday for a Clint Eastwood movie! An actual movie - directed by Clint Eastwood! I won't be seen by the man himself - he doesn't do that, apparently - but the idea that he'll probably see my audition, and that I might meet him and work with him, is pretty damned cool. Not to mention that I would dearly love to start getting some honest-to-God, mainstream movie credits on my resume! Brett sent me the scene a short time ago - It's a small part (of course), but it's an actual scene, and there's enough there for me to emerge as a distinctive character. Wish me luck! Well, I should probably close on a "high note" - Besides, I feel the need to "comfort myself" with an attempted nap before work this evening...
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