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11:30 PM - FRI 3.7.14
Not A "Gun Guy" - I Just Play One On TV

Not A "Gun Guy" - I Just Play One On TV

I should have been in bed a half-hour ago, because I have to get up super-early tomorrow due to WW, and the fact that I still need a fucking "day job" (Which has been really bothering me lately - the general fact of needing to have a day job, not any particulars about WW).

But I'm staying up at least another 25 minutes, because I spent the evening watching tv and doing laundry, and I feel cheated (Or like I cheated myself, really), because I ran out of time to do this.

So I guess I've decided, in the 11th hour, to make time to do this, and screw tomorrow's work-performance.


Happy to report that after the vast expanse of nothingness that was February (In terms of "acting stuff"), I had an audition for Perception on Thursday, a callback for it today (I don't usually have "callbacks" for tv stuff, but this time I did), and a commercial audition (A promo for Chiller Theater...whatever that is) on Monday.

I understand that I piss and moan a lot (Even if I think I'm being "a brave little soldier" because I don't piss and moan more), which is one of the reasons it's important to acknowledge getting exactly what I asked for when I ask "The Universe" for something.

What I'm referring to is that, after the initial Perception audition on Thursday, I was considering what I might write as a FB status - or as fodder for an entry here - and the first thing that struck me was "The best antidote for obsessing over how an audition went and whether I'm going to book the job or having another audition right away".

And here I am, having another audition right away.

(I want to "take notice" of such things...and I want you, the reader, to notice I'm taking notice of such things, so I don't imagine you reading along and mentally giving me shit about how I "should be more grateful". I'm plenty grateful, okay?)

The other relatively healthy thing I thought recently: After Thursday's audition (Particularly after finding out I got the callback), it struck me that I had "done my job" by being interesting enough to warrant the callback.

That really is "the job" of the audition, after all. To just "make a compelling case" for yourself.

Cause anything else, really, is out of your hands as an actor.


SAT 3/8/14 (early morning)

Little more than 15 minutes before I have to get ready for work...

I really do wish I didn't have to get up so early on Saturdays, mostly because I don't want to go to bed so early on Friday night (In part because, even though I'm not typically in huge demand on Friday nights, I don't like, when things do come up, to have to beg off - "I'd like to, but I have to get up really early tomorrow...").


Had breakfast with my friend-and-fellow-character-actor Tim G. on Thursday (Well, I had breakfast, anyway - He had lunch).

It was fun; we're not on the same side politically, but that really only got touched on in passing.

Instead, we mostly talked about acting and auditions and what-not.

Interestingly, what could have taken a -liberal/conservative turn - discussing the crudeness of some television shows - like Two Broke Girls - really didn't, because even on different ends of the spectrum ("Religious-Conservative" vs. "Atheist-Liberal"), neither of us find that sort of thing very funny...which made it very amusing when he texted me yesterday to tell me he'd gotten an audition on Monday...for Two Broke Girls.

(My "theory" on why neither of us enjoy the Two Broke Girls-type of comedy? We're both "of a certain age", and our sensibilities were formed at a time when, if you wanted to joke about "certain things", you had to allude to them, and that's definitely not the case anymore. Or else those shows just suck, because they don't really have any bigger point to their crudeness beyond being crude. And to me, while "crude" is not automatically un-funny, it's not funny in-and-of-itself)

And it's a pleasure - and a relief - to talk to someone who's in a very similar boat as an actor (for example, we were both struggling not to lose our minds when nothing was happening in February. And I laughed in rueful recognition when he told me, as he realized he wasn't going to have any auditions this first week of March, that he complained to a friend, "I didn't have any auditions this week...and it's almost April!").


MON 3/10/14 (7:34 AM)

Actually didn't have to get up this early today - I don't have any big plans till the audition late this afternoon - but here we are.


Watched myself on Shameless last night, and I think I may have found the secret to not being unhappy watching myself on tv: Only watch the scene (Or scenes) in question twice.

I have to watch it the first time to just get past the "seeing myself on tv" thing. Then a second time to see what I actually think of the scene.

Beyond that, it's like saying the same word over and over again till it starts sounding nonsensical.

In the past, I've told myself I was trying to "learn" by watching a given scene over and over, but last night, it struck me that I really know what's what after that second viewing, and watching myself obsessively doesn't really "help" anything (Any critique of myself I might have while watching a scene really boils down to just continuing to work on doing better when I'm shooting something - being better prepared, being more "in the moment", working on dealing with the "technical stuff" better (Which I feel is my biggest obstacle right now), and so on. And those are ongoing goals).

One thing I thought was interesting - my big worry when I shot last night's episode was "the gun list" (When asked how many guns I owned, I was supposed to reel off a list of, I believe, seven different guns). I'm not a "gun guy", so I had a very hard time keeping the list in my head, and I wasn't very happy with myself on the day, because I had a hard time getting through the line on a number of takes).

But when I watched the completed scene, they did edits pretty much after each listed gun.

And I'd have to watch the scene again to be sure, but I don't think I even got out the whole list - and in light of my insecurity and unhappiness about my work on the day, you could take that to mean they had to "fix" my shitty performance of the line in editing...but I don't really think that was the case; the way they shot that scene, with the edits and "reaction shots" from the other actors, they made "the list" seem as if it was going on for days, like I was listing off dozens of guns, to nice comic effect.

Anyway, while I had "issues" with what I saw - I'm pretty sure I always will when watching myself on screen - by and large, I thought both scenes worked pretty well (And I actually laughed over a reaction shot I shared with my buddy Mike M. in the second scene).

Well, I'd actually like to write some more, but 1) I'm tired and feel the need to lie down, and 2)Last night my sister-in-law Lori gently "nudged" me to write my Mom - who was apparently throwing hints that I'm taking too long to get back to her after her most recent letter - and I should address that situation, post-haste.


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