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10:26 PM - 12.06.19

Things Big And/Or Small (But Mostly Small)

Where to begin...?

Had to take Hamlet (my cat) to the Vet today.

I really don't enjoy taking him to the Vet (Which might explain why I haven't for quite some time), so I actually tried to find a mobile vet service instead.

But that didn't work out - the places I checked didn't have any openings (And my regular place offers "house calls" but within a three-mile radius of the office, and I'm four-miles-and-change. And the visit itself would have been over $300, before the nail clipping and any medications).

So I went in, wracked with guilt on multiple fronts (It always stresses me when I take him to the vet, because, 1. he cries on the way like he's being murdered 2. I strongly suspect it's my shitty housekeeping and poor cat parenting that's causing his problems, and 3. I'm ashamed of myself for sweating the expense).

But it got done (The visit, the nail clipping, two medications, a fecal collection thing, and bag of special food was $180-something, which didn't feel too onerous in light of the $300 house-call I'd checked into).

The whole thing was a "button-pushing" experience - I see myself as being bad at "caring for things", whether it's myself, my possessions, or my pets.

But while being bad at caring for myself or my shit only affects me (So who cares, right?), being bad at caring for my pets sucks for my pets, and makes me think I shouldn't have pets.

So I'm gonna try to do better by my furry roommate, cause he deserves better.

Beyond Hamlet's issues, I've been struggling with that ill-defined anxiety I often have, anxiety that a lot of things, big and/or small, need to be attended to but are getting by me.

And in the case of renewing my car registration, I wasn't wrong - The renewal form had been on my desk for months, but by the time I actually thought to "attend to it", it was overdue and I owed an extra $30.

And get this - The same thing happened last year. (Or maybe it was the year before...? The point is, it's happened more than once, which is not acceptable - I need that fucking $30 more than the state of California does).


Sat 12/7/19 (1:30 pm)

(Well, giving Hamlet his oral medication yesterday was a disaster - I don't think much of it actually got in him - but just now was a little better. But anyway...)

Have I mentioned I'm on Cameo in here...?

If I didn't, I'm on Cameo now - It's a website where you can hire a "celebrity" of some stripe to do a short video for someone (Usually celebratory things - birthdays, holidays, etc - but I read a CNN story recently where a woman hired Mark McGrath (sp?) to break up with her boyfriend for her, so I guess the medium is only limited by the client and their hired celebrity's sense of propriety).

After first hearing about it sometime back, I signed on a couple weeks ago, and have done eight "Cameos" so far (Two of them booked by Jane R.).

Except when the interface goes wonky (Which has happened a couple times), they're fun to do (I've enjoyed thinking of what to say, working off the basic framework of whatever the client's given me).

When I was first exposed to the website, I thought the whole thing seemed weird and vaguely sad.

But really, when it comes down to it, I enjoy making people happy - I also enjoy making money doing something that doesn't feel like work, so this kinda "works" for me.

Can't see how this is ever gonna amount to a serious side-hustle - if you don't watch Shameless, I'm a nobody (And even if you watch Shameless, I may not be that big a deal to you).

But whatever happens, to whatever degree it happens, this feels like "found money" (I've made $180 thus far in maybe 15 minutes time altogether, which feels like a pretty decent rate-of-return).

Just wish I could think of more shit like this to do (Though I don't even know what more "shit like this" would be...).


Sun 12/8/19 (9:40 pm)

Well, my work day got off to an interesting start - We couldn't get in at our temporary location for probably 25 minutes - but after that rocky beginning, the rest of the WW portion of my Sunday was pretty pleasant.

In the time since, I've grocery shopped, listened to "The Atheist Experience" on YouTube, inked over a picture I drew yesterday (Mostly to good effect), played a little guitar, texted briefly with Jane R. (Who's back in town tomorrow, for a few days), ordered pizza off Postmates (shouldn't have went with the breadsticks - that was excessive), and continued my binge of The Marvelous Mrs Maisel.

And gave Hamlet his two medications with minimal muss or fuss (A bigger deal than that single sentence might imply).

I've been struggling with bad feelings a lot lately - Mostly the previously-mentioned anxiety over things "getting by me" - but I've also had some good moments, moments where good things either just happened to me (A week or so ago someone left a half-dozen or so shirts in my size in the lobby of my apartment - As I told a coworker today, I'm glad someone decided to ignore the apartment manager's prohibition against such a thing) or moments I created myself (Reading again, drawing again, and actually having innter conflict over which creative/intellectual pursuit should take precedence).

The year is virtually over, so I think i've pretty much gotten what I'm going to get out of the year, acting-wise.

But who knows?

There's two weeks left. And if nothing else, I could still get a callback from last week's Bud Light audition.

And if not, we'll get 'em next year.

(Till next time...)


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