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12:49 PM - Fri 03.18.22

Jim Displays Model Behavior

Well, even though I just did a self-tape audition yesterday (That's not due till 5:00 pm tonight), I'm still feeling like "not much is going on career-wise".

(Since the audition isn't due till this evening, it would be crazy to spend the day emotionally "waiting by the phone"...but I probably will anyway.)

It was a really nice scene, for a type of role I've never played and only gotten a few auditions for over the years (basically "Scumbag Political Operative"). So it would be a real pleasure to get to do.

But of course, there has to be a "fly in the ointment", a "monkey in the wrench" - It's for a streaming service and, somehow, even though the parent company is a major cable operator, they're getting to only pay $125 for it, under the SAG-AFTRA "New Media" contract.

(Streaming's been around for years at this point - Why is it still getting to be referred to as "new" fucking media...?)

But money aside, it would still be worth doing, for the experience, for the credit, for the chance to "get in good" with said "major cable operator" (So I can maybe be cast in something they would be willing to pay for), etc.

So I'm wondering why I vaguely, kinda-sorta sabotaged myself yesterday...

"How so?", you ask?

I think I've said in here before, when you have to get an audition in, there's pretty much universal agreement - "the earlier the better".

So that said, I wanted to get this audition in as soon as I could get on top of the lines...but then I didn't "get on top of the lines". I know myself well enough to know that there's a point when I'm memorizing something where I seem to have it, only to start trying to actually do the scene and discover I don't have it.

I worked on it, to be sure. But not enough.

So when it was time to do it with Jane the next day, I was falling all over myself, wasting my time and hers.

I struggled to get one completed take done without fucking up, and we basically ran out of time (FTR, Jane was more than agreeable to take it up again today).

Then when I saw the one take I was able to get from beginning to end, I'd cut off the top of my head; I think they've probably seen worse tapes, technically, but that's just not something I should be turning in at this point.

But I did, telling myself that I "hit the beats" I wanted to hit, you could see me - other than the top of my head - and hear me, and I clearly showed them how I would play the role if they cast me.

But was the first take where I got from the beginning of the scene to the end really the best take I could have gotten?

I'm guessing not.

I think I was just frustrated and downright angry with myself at that point and just wanted to get the thing done...which I don't think is "the winning attitude" to have with these rather important recordings.


(8:15 pm)

(Meant to do this all in "one fell swoop", but somehow felt the need to draw a picture of Frankenstein in the middle of it, then took a call from Jane, then needed to go to Ralphs because I had almost no food in the house and I was hungry. But anyway...)

So the audition was due by 5:00.

In spite of all the bad-mouthing myself I've done over how I handled this one, I wouldn't be floored if I got the call - I felt like I had a good take on the character, and as long as you give them a take that doesn't sound like you're trying to think of your next line (And I didn't hear that as I watched it), it doesn't matter if you fucked up a dozen times before that.

(FTR, I didn't fuck up the lines every time other than the take - Jane had a coughing attack on one take, and I had a recording glitch on my end on another one, so a couple takes just went wonky because "shit happens".)

Anyway, that's a thing that happened...and now I'm hoping another thing happens as a result.

But I want the next audition to go better. Because there's no reason it shouldn't.


While the major grief over Hamlet has passed, I still find myself thinking about him a lot (Particularly since I'm spending most of my time at home these days, where we did pretty much all our hanging-out).

It's "the little things" at this point.

My still having the habit of opening the front door slowly, because he would always greet me at the door when I came back home.

Or how he'd know I was awake in the morning, even if I wanted to go back to sleep and was trying to fool him, and start meowing to be fed.

Or how he'd started to sit next to me on the bed as I'd do shit on the computer, or talk to Jane.

Little things.

I don't know if I'll get a cat again - It always takes me a long time to recover from the loss of a pet (And this one has been the hardest). But this time out, I actually find myself worrying about getting a cat because there's a real possibility, at my age, that I might die before it does - but if I do get another cat, I really don't think it's going to be anytime soon.


One nice thing that's happened recently is that I joined an action-figure collector's group on Facebook.

I'd been following the YouTube channel of a charming, affable chap from England ("David Displays Model Behavior"), and after hearing him mention his group page on Facebook a number of times, I finally decided "Why not?".

(Did you all know I was into action figures? If you didn't, I'm into action figures - At this point, mostly Marvel Legends and DC Multiverse...though I wish I had the money to spring for Mafex and Mezco and SH Figuarts and other pricier fare.)

So far, it's been a lovely group, and I'm enjoying letting my action-figure freak flag fly - Whether it's commenting on people's pictures, posting my own, or asking about advice or information on this or that thing, it's really the first time I've experienced anything remotely close to a "community" in years.

It's a nice, fun, stressless environment (Well, almost stressless - When I'm trying to moderate my action figure spending habit, it's hard when someone or other is always posting something that give me a severe case of "figure envy").

I need more people in my life, and this feels like just a little step in the right direction.

...and on that note, I went shopping today, but didn't end up buying cereal, because I already thought I'd bought more than was going to fit in my four bags, so I think I'm going to cease and desist for now, and go out into the wild to search for breakfast food.

(Till next time...)



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