9:33 AM - Mon 11.13.17
He Did It

Got up early today, thinking I might get more out of my day off...but so far, all I've done is watch the last half of Anatomy Of A Murder (Enjoyed the "big-city lawyer" played by George C. Scott being from Lansing), read an old Hollywood Reporter article on the rise of "gross TV", and had two breakfasts (1st Breakfast - Coffee, banana, yogurt. 2nd Breakfast - Two packets of instant oatmeal, coffee).

Anyway...

Remember that commercial callback? The one where I was going to go book the job, then come home and watch the 2nd season of Stranger Things?

Well, my prediction was half-right - I did go home that night and watch Stranger Things.

And you could say I was three-quarters right - I got one of those I-used-to-love-them-but-now-I-kinda-hate-them "avails" (Which I used to say means "You're on the short list", but now feels more like "You could be our guy...but don't get excited, cause you're probably not").

It's the third time this year I've been availed...to no avail.

Which sucks.

Had another audition on Wednesday - another commercial audition - which wasn't a big one (Just Internet) and honestly didn't feel like much of anything, but who knows?

On the TV/movie front, nothing continues to happen.

And I don't know if that "nothing" is because nobody likes Jim anymore, or my agent is temporarily (At least I hope temporarily) out-of-commission and the agency isn't picking up the slack.

Honestly, I don't know what to do in either instance, but since the latter at least has potential "fixes" (My agent gets better and we go from there, my agent doesn't get better, they hire a new person and we go from there, or I find a new agency), I'm going with that one.

And there is some evidence that lends credibility to the "my agent is out-of-commission and no one's picking up the slack theory".

1. No one bothered to send an email out after my agent's surgery, to say he was okay, that he died on the table, or anything in between. And "letting clients know about an on-going situation that effects them" seems like something an agency firing on all cylinders would do.

2. An email inquiring about the situation got a less-than-reassuring response - The person apparently assigned to "pick up the pieces" said she hadn't realized how much work my agent did, and that she hoped he'd be back soon, cause she was "tired of staying at the office till 9:00 at night".

Again, I feel like an agency on top of things would know that's not the email you send out to a client depending on you to help them secure work (On top of which, this wasn't months into a difficult situation, this was in the first week - And while I understand being unhappy over a bad work situation that shows no sign of letting up...you can't be losing your shit about it in the first fucking week. In other words, "Don't complain about the extra work you're having to do, if I'm 'the extra work'").

3. I still haven't gotten all my Shameless money for the season - They owe me for my last two episodes (Which I shot on 9/29 and 10/05 respectively).

They're pretty slow about getting my money out in general - Brett has to regularly "check on them" in that regard - but this has been a really long time now, which adds to the feeling that they're
operating at less than peak efficiency.

(And around communications about checks, there was some passing mention to some "situation" in New York - they have an office there as well - that suggests the agency has at least two crises they're currently dealing with.)

And the reason I'm doing all this neurotic speculating, when I don't really know what's going on (Or really, if anything is going on, because it could totally be just that no one's digging on Jim right now)?

Well, in part, "neurotic speculating" is just what I do...but it's also because no one is saying anything (I actually emailed my agent a short time ago, to check on him, and also to ask - "When you're back at full steam, can you teach me how to ride a horse?"...because when we first spoke, he said, amongst other things, that he was an accomplished horseman who'd taught a lot of people how to ride, and that seems like something that would be both fun and a potentially useful skill to have for my career).

So there ya go...!

Zumba-ed tonight, for the first time in a week-and-a-half (Thea, my beloved regular instructor, has been away the past couple weeks...and turned out, she still is - she's back in town, but not back at the Y till Weds).

It was an interesting week for me, in terms of the news...

The elections on Tuesday, where Democrats made big gains across the country, were tremendously encouraging - I'm not as political as I come off on Facebook (I don't think I'm as political as I should be, frankly, though with the constant state-of-emergency that is the Trump presidency, I'm certainly more informed than ever before), but it was heartening to see decency at least trying to mount a comeback in America.

Louis CK admitting, after years of denial, that he did indeed jerk off in front of at least five women (One over the phone), was...somewhat less welcome news.

(To be continued...)

Was pretty bummed to have my fears about Louis CK verified by a recent NYT article (When five different women came forward to accuse him of exposing himself and masturbating in front of them - Or in one instance, masturbating over the phone).

This was kind of in the realm of an "open secret" in the comedy community, but till the article, names hadn't been mentioned, and no direct accusations had been made.

And I didn't want to believe it. So I told myself, since no direct accusations had been made, it was okay to adopt a "wait and see" attitude

Because I liked Louis CK.

But even before the Times article, I knew it was true, because of how CK had handled the question in a recent interview - He didn't say "I didn't do it" like an actual innocent person might do, but instead dismissed it as "rumor" he wasn't going to address, because that would "give it air" (So basically, he called the women involved liars without directly calling them liars).

A day or so after the article came out, he made a statement admitting "I did it".

And initially, I (mostly) bought the "apology", because he seemed ashamed and contrite, and able to understand why what he did was wrong.

And I still wanted to believe he was a good guy.

But I couldn't let go of my disbelief on one front - He claimed he thought it was okay at the time because he "asked", and that it was only in retrospect he realized "asking" isn't really "asking" if you're asking people who wield less power than you do.

I call bullshit there - He knew he was wrong...and he did it anyway.

And other readers noticed something I didn't on my first pass - He never actually said he was sorry.

It was a better public statement on the matter than most one hears these days (Certainly better than Weinstein's or Spacey's) - He admitted he did it, didn't blame the victims, and said a lot of the right things - but it didn't take away that he did what he did, and like a lot of these "statements" we're hearing, it's still hard not to think "He's not sorry - He's just sorry he got caught".

I may be too old to have actual "heroes" at this point, but he was as close as I've come in a long time.

And unlike Michael Jackson, or Cosby, or Spacey, or Dustin Hoffman, or anyone else who's gotten busted for being a creep, a sexual harasser, or an out-and-out rapist/pedofile, CK isn't someone who used to matter to me - I've watched hours of his stuff on YouTube, listened to him on Pandora in my car or on my earphones, I've watched his standup shows on Netflix, the entire run of Louie, have seen him in concert, paid for every episode of Horace and Pete, and even watched his shitty first movie.

I've supported this guy.

I've admired this guy.

And I keep having to remind myself that "I'm not the victim here" - He did worse by those women than he's done by me - but I still can't help feeling let down and angry.

And to be honest, a little shaken - I should know better, but I keep wanting to believe being smart and funny and (seemingly) honest makes you "special", a cut above "ordinary people".

And of course, because I'm who I am and everything is ultimately about me, I'm rattled that I felt an affinity to this guy, and he played me.

I related to him, at least to who I thought he was. And while I intellectually know that someone's public persona isn't all they are, this guy fooled me - I thought he was a good guy who had not-good thoughts he exorcised through his comedy...and turned out, that's just what he wanted me to think.

I could write more, but it's late, I'm tired, and "It'll keep".

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