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6:03 pm - Weds 12/12/07 Mon 12/10/07 (12:17 a.m.) Okay, I�ll be the first one to admit it - Sometimes I can be pretty hard to please. I have a callback at 12:30 tomorrow for The Funeral Director (aka �That Vincent Gallo Movie�). I should be happy...but I�m really just annoyed. A callback? Come on - Really? For one line? (The line: �Hi. How may I help you?�) Just cast me. Or don�t. Whatever. But don�t make me drive 35 miles out to Valencia for a nothing part that hardly pays that I�m probably not going to get anyway. Not when any warm body could do the job, and you have a perfectly good tape to look at. Obviously, I don�t have my mind right about this just yet. But I will�12 hours from now, I�ll be the warmest, most agreeable actor you could ever hope to work with. Weds 12/12/07 (4:30 p.m.) Well, just as I�d �gotten my mind right� about the callback, and was on the way to Valencia, I got a call from Brett, saying the director was delayed and things weren�t going to start till 2:30 (I typically don�t answer my cell while I�m driving, since I�m afraid of death-by-distraction. But I had a feeling it might be Brett, and it was). So since I was closer to home than to Valencia at that point, I turned around and drove back (Attempting to make lemons out of lemonade by using the extra time to go to Ralphs for groceries). Then I tried to nap...but it didn�t take. I set out again around 1:45, getting to the audition shortly after 2:30. At that point, the idea of having �appointments� was out the window, and it was about an hour-and-a-half before my name was called. When I went in, there were three people in the room, the director (Who was not Vincent Gallo, to my surprise), another guy, and a middle-aged woman. (Director/Producer/Screenwriter? Who knows?) I did my thing, doing a read that was on some continuum between bored and hostile. Then the director had me do it again, as the helpful salesperson. So I did that. Then he asked me if I�d be interested in reading for some other parts, and since I�m not stupid, I said yes. To my chagrin, all the other parts required I be shirtless (I�m very much not a fan of having to take my shirt off in front of people, and two months of Weight Watchers and working out hasn�t really changed that). And only one of the three parts actually required reading, or was a genuine part; I �read�, in order, for �Sleeping lover�, �Corpse�, and �Philip� (Or �Philipe�, I�m not sure. He was supposed to be French, though they gave me an option, and I opted not to embarrass myself by trying to do an accent). While �Sleeping Lover� involved laying on the floor and looking like I was asleep, and �Corpse� involved laying on the floor and looking like I was dead, �Philip�/ �Philipe� was a �character�, with lines and an opportunity, however small, to act. The director gave me some direction with �Philip�/ �Philipe�, which I thought I handled well. And aside from my embarrassment at being half-naked - have I mentioned I really don�t like taking my shirt off in front of people? - there seemed to be a good vibe in the room. I really was �the most warm, agreeable actor you�ll ever meet�, and when given the chance to actually act a little bit, I think I showed them I could do that too. So we�ll see. It�s kind of a weird position to be in; I don�t want to not get it (I�m talking about �Philip�/ �Philipe� here), but on the other hand, I don�t know that I�ll be doing a �happy dance� if I do, and my pale, middle-aged, hairy, still-overweight body becomes a cinematic punch-line for millions of people (Okay, it�s a Vincent Gallo movie, so probably not millions of people. But at least thousands). Anyway... I wouldn�t mind if there was another audition (Or two) in the next week or so, but this might be it. It wouldn�t be the end of the world if this year didn�t finish on a high note. But it would be nice if it did. Especially since, with both sides dug-in on the Writers strike, I don�t know what kind of opportunities for �high notes� I�m going to get in 2008.
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