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6:03 pm - Weds 12/12/07
Hitting The High Notes

Hitting The High Notes

Mon 12/10/07 (12:17 a.m.)

Okay, I’ll be the first one to admit it - Sometimes I can be pretty hard to please.

I have a callback at 12:30 tomorrow for The Funeral Director (aka “That Vincent Gallo Movie”).

I should be happy...but I’m really just annoyed.

A callback? Come on - Really? For one line? (The line: “Hi. How may I help you?”)

Just cast me. Or don’t. Whatever. But don’t make me drive 35 miles out to Valencia for a nothing part that hardly pays that I’m probably not going to get anyway. Not when any warm body could do the job, and you have a perfectly good tape to look at.

Obviously, I don’t have my mind right about this just yet. But I will–12 hours from now, I’ll be the warmest, most agreeable actor you could ever hope to work with.

Weds 12/12/07 (4:30 p.m.)

Well, just as I’d “gotten my mind right” about the callback, and was on the way to Valencia, I got a call from Brett, saying the director was delayed and things weren’t going to start till 2:30 (I typically don’t answer my cell while I’m driving, since I’m afraid of death-by-distraction. But I had a feeling it might be Brett, and it was).

So since I was closer to home than to Valencia at that point, I turned around and drove back (Attempting to make lemons out of lemonade by using the extra time to go to Ralphs for groceries).

Then I tried to nap...but it didn’t take.

I set out again around 1:45, getting to the audition shortly after 2:30.

At that point, the idea of having “appointments” was out the window, and it was about an hour-and-a-half before my name was called.

When I went in, there were three people in the room, the director (Who was not Vincent Gallo, to my surprise), another guy, and a middle-aged woman.

(Director/Producer/Screenwriter? Who knows?)

I did my thing, doing a read that was on some continuum between bored and hostile. Then the director had me do it again, as the helpful salesperson.

So I did that.

Then he asked me if I’d be interested in reading for some other parts, and since I’m not stupid, I said yes.

To my chagrin, all the other parts required I be shirtless (I’m very much not a fan of having to take my shirt off in front of people, and two months of Weight Watchers and working out hasn’t really changed that).

And only one of the three parts actually required reading, or was a genuine part; I “read”, in order, for “Sleeping lover”, “Corpse”, and “Philip” (Or “Philipe”, I’m not sure. He was supposed to be French, though they gave me an option, and I opted not to embarrass myself by trying to do an accent).

While “Sleeping Lover” involved laying on the floor and looking like I was asleep, and “Corpse” involved laying on the floor and looking like I was dead, “Philip”/ “Philipe” was a “character”, with lines and an opportunity, however small, to act.

The director gave me some direction with “Philip”/ “Philipe”, which I thought I handled well. And aside from my embarrassment at being half-naked - have I mentioned I really don’t like taking my shirt off in front of people? - there seemed to be a good vibe in the room. I really was “the most warm, agreeable actor you’ll ever meet”, and when given the chance to actually act a little bit, I think I showed them I could do that too.

So we’ll see.

It’s kind of a weird position to be in; I don’t want to not get it (I’m talking about “Philip”/ “Philipe” here), but on the other hand, I don’t know that I’ll be doing a “happy dance” if I do, and my pale, middle-aged, hairy, still-overweight body becomes a cinematic punch-line for millions of people (Okay, it’s a Vincent Gallo movie, so probably not millions of people. But at least thousands).


I wouldn’t mind if there was another audition (Or two) in the next week or so, but this might be it.

It wouldn’t be the end of the world if this year didn’t finish on a high note. But it would be nice if it did.

Especially since, with both sides dug-in on the Writers strike, I don’t know what kind of opportunities for “high notes” I’m going to get in 2008.


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