3:20 am - Thursday, Mar. 03, 2005
I really want to act (If only it weren't so fucking INCONVENIENT)

Weds 3/2/05 (11:50 p.m.)

Well, here's some unequivocally good news�Yesterday, I received a copy of my Time Warner Cable "Dish Police" commercial!

I sent them a blank tape with a self-addressed stamped envelope, they made a copy of the commercial, then sent it back (Somewhat delayed, since the woman I talked to on the phone told me to send the tape to the wrong person).

I feel pretty stupid for all the time I spent asking them, over and over, to basically just be nice and send me a tape. If you've done a student film, or a "spec" commercial, that's one thing-- getting tape is part of the deal--but really, if you got paid, they don't owe you anything beyond that.

It's on 3/4-inch videotape (The better to make good copies with), so I still haven't seen it�It won't fit in my vcr�but I'm just happy to have it in my possession (I'll be taking it down to Lightning Dubs tomorrow).

So, with the original cut of the HBO commercial and the Hyundai spot that aired on Telemundo, that makes three things I now have on tape. I'd like to have everything I've done, but with the exception of the student film Traces (a.k.a.Missing Breath), which I'm pretty sure at this point I'm never gonna get, I feel like I have the most important stuff I've done so far (The next thing I'd like to get? The Canadian Bank "spec" I did right at the end of the year. I called that agency today-Protean Image Group-- but they said it wasn't ready yet. They took my number�I was not the first actor from that shoot who had called-- so we'll see what, if anything, happens).

Cary has all but the first ten seconds or so of the Incubus "Megalomaniac" video on his Tivo (I think), and has been learning how to move it from his Tivo to his computer (Or to Kay's computer, to be more accurate), and then onto a dvd. In time, he's going to be able to put all my stuff on dvd for me, which will be very cool (That's not a "reel"�Which has credits and editing and all that good stuff, and which I think I'd need to have professionally done�but it'll be a great keepsake. And when the time does come to get a reel, I imagine it would make the process much easier if I could just hand them a single dvd, and say "It's all on that").

Sylvia, by A.R. Gurney, to be precise (If you know the show, I was auditioning for "Greg", the owner of the title dog).

I sent the headshot out at the beginning of last month, because I know and like the show, and know I ought to be making more of an effort to actually act out here (And it pays, though I can't imagine anything non-union out here pays anything worth bragging about).

That said, sending the headshot out was, more than anything, just something I did to be able to say I'd done it. I could say I'd "done my bit", and since I rarely get responses to anything I send out, I wouldn't actually have to deal with the stressful logistics of doing a play (How to square it with work, with my nighttime parking phobia, with JS and commercial auditions, etc).

So anyway, I was actually shocked when I got a call, about a week and a half ago, from Yvonne F., who I guess is stage-manager for the show: They wanted me to come in and read for them on Sunday at 5:30 (And I gotta take a moment to ask, "What theater schedules an audition the same time as the Academy Awards?").

I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I didn't want to do it. The theater turned out to be pretty far away�Just past Pasadena�I figured it's not really going to pay anything beyond gas money, no one's going to see it (Because of the aforementioned "far away-ness'), and all that pain-in-the-ass "logistical" stuff I was talking about before suddenly seemed an all too real "pain-in-the-ass".
I had also just had to come in to work late because of the Pine-Sol callback, and 1) I wasn't anxious to get on David's bad side (For something that wouldn't really pay and that no one would see anyway), and 2) I wasn't anxious to lose more hours, something I can ill-afford to do at this point.

So I called, and left a message asking if I could either 1) Go earlier that day (Because I had to work at 4:00), or 2) Just come to the callback (Which conveniently happened to be on one of my days off).

(I thought the latter idea was pretty "cheeky". And honestly? If I were the director, I probably would have said, "Who is this asshole? We're just at the audition stage, and already he needs special treatment? Fuck him...")

(God, I thought this was going to be an interesting story, but I'm growing bored and I lived through it, so I can hardly imagine how you feel...if any of you are actually left...)

Anyway anyway, there was some more "phone tag", and once again, I was shocked to get a call saying that I could show up at 7:00 tonite. It made me think "They must not have gotten much of a turnout on Oscar nite...".

So now I was pretty much stuck. I mean, what was I going to do at that point, say "Not good enough--I really need you to come do the audition at my apartment"? How much more accomodating did I need them to be?

So I set out to Sierra Madre around 6:00, thinking I was giving myself plenty of time...and got lost (And to answer your unspoken question, I don't think it was subconscious sabotage. I think it was a number of bad circumstances�Unclear Mapquest directions, first and foremost�that made the journey one of the most unpleasant L.A. driving experiences I've had in years).

(Wrap it up, Jim, you fucking long-winded gasbag...)

Driving around and around, in the dark, in the rain, wipers not working that well, windshield fogging over, unable to figure out where I was going wrong. Screaming and hitting myself (Cause I hit myself when I get highly agitated, because...well, because I'm insane). Heading back home. Calling Yvonne-- "Thanks anyway..."--but persuaded to come in. "We're just starting, so just get here when you get here."

I got there over two hours late. But I read two scenes that seemed to go over very well, and the vibe was very pleasant and positive.

So who knows? If I get it, I'll feel validated, but be stressed out over everything I'll have to go through to make it happen

And if I don't get it, I'll be, to a large degree, relieved, but depressed that I was rejected. "Oh, when oh when will I ever act again...?" (And did I somehow "throw the audition" so I wouldn't have to deal?).

(For the record? I didn't "throw" anything. Considering how long it's been since I've really acted or auditioned for a real thing, I was pretty happy with myself. I still have good comic timing, and play well with others. I was happy with myself--A "happiness" that will pretty much disappear if/when I don't get cast.)

Went home. Much easier than getting there�I really lost my mind on the way there�but of course, then I had to do the "driving around the neighborhood for 45 minutes" shit, before finding a spot three blocks down the street, where I'll have to get up and move my car before 8:00 am, and figure out what to do with myself for two hours.

This sounds bad, doesn't it? I should want to act more than I want to avoid frustration or incovenience, shouldn't I? It sounds bad, doesn't it?

Well, it does to me.

But fuck it. I'm going to bed.

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