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5:19 pm - FRI 4/12/02 I've DONE stuff--I shopped, did laundry, read over my lines for the show, and caught up on a LOT of e-mail--but I didn't do anything I told myself I was GOING to do today (Like check "Backstage" or work on my taxes). And I've been dying to do THIS. And while I feel like it's been FOREVER--What it's been, maybe a day-and-a-half?--and I'm full of stuff to say, I still feel GUILTY that I'm taking the time. (I have today and Sunday off this week.) So I DID stuff, but not the RIGHT stuff. My little plan to NOT watch tv in the morning in order to be more productive is SORT of working, but not quite as much, or quite as well, as I might have hoped. And it's a little discouraging to see exactly how MUCH resistance I have to "doing the right thing" (Without tv or the internet immediately in the morning, I'm finding it harder to get out of bed. And suddenly any printed material around the house is infinitely more interesting than the thing I've told myself I'm SUPPOSED to be doing). But being disappointed or frustrated with myself over this falls into a well-worn path; I give a new idea or behavior a cursory effort, then give up out of frustration when I don't take to it right away. But I'm not giving up on this. Fact is, what I'm doing, even if I'm experiencing some RESISTANCE to it, is an improvement on what I WAS doing, and in time, I'll get into making more productive use of my time. _________________________________________________ (I have to leave for rehearsal in about a half-hour...) This feels like pretty old news at this point since I've told a bunch of people about it, but it's pretty much the only news I've GOT, so here goes... Padric, the General Manager at Borders, gave notice day before yesterday. Happening as it did fast on the heels of an appearance by two corporate higher-ups, the assumption is that he resigned before being fired. With what I've said about the store in general, and Padric in particular, you'd think I'd be doing a little "happy dance" over this, but I'm really not. Over time, my attitude has SOFTENED somewhat about Padric; He's an odd duck, and somewhat off-putting, and obviously out-of-his-depth as a manager (Padric seems distinctly UNCOMFORTABLE with people, which seems like a "negative" trait for a manager), but it's not like he's the Spawn of Satan. And besides my "softer" attitude about Padric--and the general sympathy I'd have for this happening to ANYONE--there's an issue of UNCERTAINTY; Who KNOWS whether the coming change will be positive or negative? For all I know at this point, the new guy could leave us all crying for the glory days of "The Padric Era". _________________________________________________ Feeling kind of anxious and uncomfortable about the show... It's been awhile since we've had a rehearsal that I've felt very good about, and we're all but out-of-time at this point. (That said, I don't REALLY doubt that I'll do well during the run. In fact, EVERYONE is capable of doing well. We just haven't DONE it for awhile.) The other thing is that I guess we're expected to sell tickets to the show ($15 for advance tickets, a whopping $25 at the door). I'm supposed to collect money from people, then deliver it to the theater with a list of people's names. I have a problem with this on a number of levels, but my main issue, to be honest, is that I'm uncomfortable having to hit people up for money, to see me in a show I'm still not really totally COMFORTABLE with. And speaking of "shows I'm not really totally comfortable with", it's time for me to scoot off to rehearsal...
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