Get your own
 diary at! contact me older entries newest entry

11:31 PM - 01.20.17
I'm Okay. Are YOU Okay?

I'm Okay. Are YOU Okay?

Well, it was a cold, rainy day in Los Angeles, and a dark day for the country in general.

The only part of the Inauguration I saw as it was happening was Jackie Evancho (sp?) singing a very tremulous version of "The Star-Spangled Banner" (I've never heard someone singing it sound so clearly terrified. I almost-but-not-quite felt sorry for her).

(I hadn't intentionally sat down to watch it. I didn't know who the woman was before the Inauguration hoopla - It just popped up on the Huffpo website. So I watched that. Then they went into "The Stars and Stripes Forever", which I've always liked, but faded it out in the middle of the piccolo solo, which is my favorite part.)

Had planned not to watch the Inauguration at all, because I knew it would just depress me, and fuck that piece-of-shit anyway, if you know what I mean (I even wondered if it would be smart of me to go onto Facebook, or the Internet in general, because I knew it was gonna be "All Trump, All The Time", and I just didn't think I was up for that). So I just messed around till it was time to get ready for my WW meeting, then did that instead.

(I've watched dribs and drabs of the news since, and read some stories on Huffpo and Slate and CNN, so I know about the small turnout, and the frighteningly pugnacious speech. And I watched the Obamas leave, which was tough - we're going from "The First Family" to "The Worst Family", and it's just sad-as-can-be. But today I've mostly tried to distance myself from this shitty reality show we're now all a part of)

So anyway, the undercurrent of the day has been kind of gray and grim (But on the "plus" side, I did lose 2 lbs this week, so that was nice...though when I'd weighed myself at home yesterday, I was almost five lbs down, so the official weigh-in was disappointing before I decided it was "nice". But more on WW later in this broadcast).


We've had years of drought in California, but this year, we're having an actual "rainy season" - It's been gray and rainy and cold (relatively speaking) on-and-off for weeks - and I don't like it.

I didn't realize, till I moved to LA, how much my mood was affected by the weather, but it really is - It's not quite as clear-cut as "Warm-and-sunny makes me happy, while cold-and-gray makes me sad" (Sometimes I enjoy a cold, rainy day...if I don't have to go anywhere or do anything, and I'm well-stocked, it really makes me appreciate having a warm, dry place to call my own), but in general, I prefer when California feels like California.

(This morning, I thought, "It's cold and wet today, and I'm not making money acting - It's like I'm back in Michigan!")

But while I haven't been in the best of spirits for much of today, it hasn't been a terrible period of time in general...

Nothing has happened yet theatrically, but I'm happy to report I've had three commercial auditions in the past three weeks (Less happy that nothing has come of them, but at least I'm getting the opportunities).

The most notable - which I can't talk too much about because of an NDA (Non-Disclosure Agreement) - was another "nude" spot I auditioned for last week.

Wasn't thrilled when I got the notice and saw what it entailed - I don't think I'm ever going to get to the point where I'm "thrilled" about doing nudity - but apparently, this is what I do now.

So I auditioned with three other middle-aged folks, in our bathing suits (I'm guessing there are SAG rules about requiring actual nudity in auditions, like "You can't do it").

Outside the career realm, I've been happy that I've spent time not spending time on the Internet, which was kinda/sorta one of my "resolutions" for 2017.

I wouldn't paint myself as a "Renaissance Man" or anything, but I've been reading, spending time on the DuoLingo app (Learning Spanish), and I play my guitar at least a little bit pretty much every day.

(It's been a long time since I've done any drawing though - I'll have to get on that...)

Of my various non-Internet solo activities, I've probably been happiest about the reading, because it's not just reconnecting with an enjoyable pursuit, it's how I think of myself - "I am a reader" - with all that entails. And in losing reading as one of the primary "things I do", I lost some sense of myself - As "intelligent", as a "searcher" (For knowledge, for vicarious experiences, etc), as someone interested and interesting, even as someone who "takes care of himself" (Because reading was always one of the ways I "nurtured myself" when I was young).

"So what did you read?", you ask?

I finished two books recently (From my Kindle) - One on Groucho Marx (Groucho Marx: The Comedy of Existence), and Sybil Exposed, a journalistic debunking of the famous case of "Multiple Personality Disorder" made into a book, then a movie, in the 1970s.

Enjoyed them both (I've read various bios of Groucho over the years, in addition to his own writing, and I read the original Sybil at some point after it came out in paperback, so this was me dipping back into some previous subjects of interest), but Sybil Exposed was the more compelling of the two books for me - As I told Mark and Jane when we talked recently, it was the first time in decades that I had that feeling real book lovers have, where you're so involved in a book you can't wait to finish whatever-it-is you have to do - work or school or what-have-you - so you can get back to it.

I'd forgotten about that feeling, but I've missed it - It's a simple feeling (Just being really engaged and excited by something), but I can't recall the last time I felt it, and that seems like a crime.

(It strikes me, as I write this, that "Adult Jim" found Sybil Exposed to be as much of a page-turner as "Teen-aged Jim" found the original book.)

Another thing I've just started was initiated by my friend Josh - Sometime back, he asked me if I'd be interested in working with him on a dance piece (With him as Director/Choreographer, and me as Dancer).

It took awhile for us to get together - a big problem for me was that I'd hurt my knee in Zumba class, and was worried I just wouldn't be able to physically do whatever would be required - and I was very nervous (I perceive him as more of an "Artist" in his sensibilities, while perceiving myself more as an "Entertainer", and I didn't know if our differing sensibilities would "mesh").

But we got together on Monday, and it was really fun. I was worried that he'd be disappointed in what I had to offer in terms of my movement, but he seemed impressed, and I was intrigued by what he'd come up with as a "framework" to start with (Movements based on how I'd dance at a club, bits of choreography I remember from my musical theater days, Zumba moves, and "anything else" from my day-to-day life. It was a fun, kind of nostalgic, and surprisingly challenging exercise).

I don't now if anything's going to come of it, but it's kind of a no-harm/no-foul situation at this point - If we came up with something and end up doing it somewhere, that would be cool, but right now, my sense is that both of us are mostly just looking for something interesting to do, and want to be engaged in some kind of creative work.

Well, I've hit that point again - There's more I could write about, but it's gotten late, and I should be hitting the sack (And I want to see if I can maybe sneak in a little Spanish before bed...).

Overall, I'd say I'm okay at the moment. It would be nice if a lucrative and enjoyable acting gig came my way (sooner rather than later), but for now, life is...okay.

Solidly okay.


previous - next

0 comments so far
about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at!