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11:45 pm - FRI 1/03/03 I think, when the time comes, I'll be a great celebrity. _________________________________________________ I just read about 10 pages of a friend's novel. Honestly? It's not very good. But you know something?--She wrote a novel. And it occurs to me that it's about a million times easier to criticize a novel than it is to write a novel. _________________________________________________ I've meant to do this sooner, but I wanted to say thank you to all the people who emailed me, left messages in my guestbook, etc, expressing their sympathies about Leo. This may sound strange, but I was telling someone the other day that Leo being gone reminds me of my first days here in California; For the longest time, I kept feeling like I was on the crappiest vacation ever, that at some point I'd be going home, and life would "return to normal". Eventually, I quit having that feeling--Maybe a week or two ago--and now being here is "normal". And I know at some point Leo being gone will quit feeling odd and just be the way things are. But as of now, we're still on the "feeling odd" end of the spectrum. _________________________________________________ The other day I put a CD in my little boombox, and it wouldn't play. That happens sometimes. And I get annoyed, but it's really not a big deal; I just put another CD in, or else I take the CD that isn't playing, and play it on my computer instead. This time, I put another CD in the boombox. And it wouldn't play. So I did something I hadn't done in quite some time; I smashed the CD player in with my fists (To be more accurate, with one fist. The right one. With one, two, three hammer-like blows. There may also have been some cursing involved). Initially, the damage didn't look all that impressive; Basically, I punched in the little door of the CD player (The CD player in question is/was an Aiwa, off-white, about the size of a soccer ball, that I bought sometime in the mid/late 90s). So while the CD player wasn't playing, I thought to myself, "Well, at least I've still got the tape player and the radio". But I was wrong; When I put in a tape, the tape player wasn't working either (I actually found that kind of funny, since I'd just gotten all my tapes out and put them on the shelf with my CDs, thinking I'd play them more if they were just more accessible. But "accessible" or not, they're not going to get much play now that I don't have a tape player). It's not a tragedy or anything--Obviously the machine was on its way out anyway, and my computer and my dvd player both play cds--but I'm not very happy I did that. It's the kind of behavior I want to have grown out of. ________________________________________________ In the last year, I sent out 100 headshots, and had 15 auditions. Obviously, effort was made, and that's a good thing. But just as obviously, not enough of an effort was made; I think at least two or three times that number of headshots should have gone out. And this year they shall... I think I've said this before, but it popped into my mind again when I looked at the numbers--I've been treating this like a not-too-satisfying hobby. If I actually want something to happen--and I do--that's just not gonna be enough. _________________________________________________ In spite of my waning hopes, and the fact that she's not really "into" movies (She may also be indifferent to breathing and eating), I recently asked Susy out. (Susy is the age-appropriate, funny, and attractive woman who started at the bookstore just before the holidays.) She's "not dating" right now--meaning she's not dating me right now, or ever--but she'd love "to hang out". I feel kind of doubtful that she really means that, and I don't know how I'd feel about it myself, but I plan to see this little charade through, and ask her out to breakfast or something, sometime after I get paid next Friday. (This reminds me--I seriously need to refine my "asking out" technique; I tend, in my anxiety and misguided attempts at humor, to actually alarm the women I ask out. Not quite the effect one wants to achieve...) _________________________________________________ I think I'm going to be volunteering for the "Reading by 9" program in LA grade schools. I don't know the details yet, but basically, there's a training session, then you go in once a week, and either read to a class, or else tutor some individual kid. I think I'd rather do that than do the storytime thing at Borders. Seems like it would be more meaningful. _________________________________________________ I've decided I'm going to write. I don't know exactly where to start--Though I keep thinking about an essay for Personal Journaling magazine, since after 20 years of doing this, I must have something to say on the subject--but I just think I need to be more the guy who's exploring what he has to offer creatively, and less the guy who's crying about how he wishes he was interested in computers or "something someone would want to pay me for". Other people have acted and wrote, so why not me? If it just makes life more interesting, that would be good; If I actually ended up getting paid, that would be even better
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