8:00 pm - Tues 2.21.2012
It was sometime around 10:30 or so, and I was doing this, actually, when all of a sudden, I felt light-headed and weak.
The closest sensation I can compare it to is when you stand up too fast, and have that quick drop in blood pressure that makes you feel dizzy and faint...but I was just sitting in my chair.
It scared me, because my first thought was that I was having some kind of "blood-flow issue" - I was afraid to stand up, for fear of making a bad situation worse - and felt stuck between not wanting to overact (By calling an ambulance and going to an ER), and thinking driving myself anywhere was probably not a smart idea, but not wanting to wait till it got worse (If it was going to get worse) and I couldn't act at all.
But I did stand up, eventually, and I didn't faint and fall over (I didn't feel any better when I stood up...but I didn't feel any worse either).
And I called Cary, and he talked me down from my panicky ledge.
Then I called the two WW Leaders I work with on Tuesday mornings, and left messages telling them my situation.
And I called someone to see if they could sub for me (Assuming I could get in to see my Doctor in the morning).
And, with some trepidation, I went to bed.
Called the Doctor's office early this morning - couldn't get in to see my Doctor till the afternoon, so I saw Dr Z. instead at 10 am - and long story short, looks like a latent sinus infection is what's making me feel a bit unbalanced (Got a five-day course of antibiotics and some nasal spray).
So, no big deal, but it scared me (And made me think, and not for the first time, "Maybe I should look into that 'Life Alert' shit...").
I also mentioned to the Doctor that I was taking a number of over-the-counter sleeping pills each night (When numbers 1-4 failed to do the trick, I started taking five or six at a time, along with a couple allergy pills, because I get congested overnight); apparently, the store-brand "night-time sleep aid" was mostly generic Benadryl, and taking a lot of Benadryl at a time can apparently have deleterious effects.
A good side-benefit of all this was that I mentioned I was having some bowel issues, and got a referral to a gastroenterologist.
Actually, I have been having "bowel issues" for the past couple years, which have been the source of a lot of anxiety and discomfort.
Why have I not done anything about this till now, you might wonder? Part embarrassment (I'm not comfortable talking about this stuff, for whatever reason), and part fear (And the "magical thinking" that "If I don't go to the Doctor, they can't tell me that it's something really bad").
But I've got to see if there's something I can do about what's going on. Whatever it is doesn't seem life-threatening (It's been going on since around the end of 2009, and here we are), but it's definitely affecting my "quality-of-life".
And I've got enough things to be anxious about.
And I have been seriously going to town on anxious thoughts lately...
It's not all about acting, these anxious thoughts, but acting figures pretty heavily in the mix - Worrying that where I'm at now might end up being "as good as it gets", and how will I deal with getting old, with no skills, no savings, and with my most in-demand period as an actor long behind me? - along with a large dollop of "existential angst" and fear of a painful, lonely death.
No, it hasn't been that much fun being me lately...
But I did see the play Cobb with Howard on Saturday. That was fun.
And I finally saw my first two episodes of Shameless this season, and was not horrified, either by my appearance - I look a lot better on Shameless than I do in the Progressive commercial - or by my acting.
And no, I haven't booked anything yet this year, and that has me feeling bored and antsy and generally unhappy (Life just seems better when I've booked a gig), but there's a lot of year left, and I always book eventually.
And unlike any other year since I moved out here, I'm working on two shows that are both being renewed, which means there's almost certainly "more work where that came from".
In other words, I'm not played-out just yet...
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