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8:32 am - Tues 3/02/04
An Unstoppable Acting Machine

An Unstoppable Acting Machine

(Listening to Beethoven...I've thought for awhile now that I have all this music--I have more cds and cassettes than videos, dvds, or books-- so it's a shame I don't make more use of it to effect/enhance my mood.)

But anyway...speaking of my "mood", I've been in and out of a funk lately, thinking I've managed to crawl out of the unhappy little hole I've dug for myself, only to promptly fall back in again.

Not sure I can lay the problem at any one doorstep. I just know that my thinking has been "off" lately; Having a grand old time with Cary and Kay and Cary's parents (Bruce and Janet), only to let myself get depressed when Janet talks at some length about their trips to England, thinking to myself, "When am I ever going to be able to travel...?". Or being bummed that everyone I know, it seems, is acting but Mr Professional Actor here. Or finding myself depressed by the weather no matter what it's doing; When it's been gray and rainy--which has been a lot lately--my spirits sink, but when we've had some typically beautiful, sunshiney California days, I'm bummed because I have to go to work. And having nothing interesting to do at home, feeling aimless and bored and lonely, yet still resisting and resenting having to go to the bookstore (Which really hasn't been any big torment lately).

I could go on, but I think you get the idea (As Hank Hill might say, "That boy ain't right...").

During this time I've had four commercial auditions, and while I've even managed to make that a problem (It occurs to me that I'm "addicted" to commercial auditions, and the possibility of booking gigs), having four auditions "outstanding", while it can make you a little crazy from the uncertainty and anticipation, also provides a nice sense of possibility--the possibility of a gig, of more money, of something to look forward to, etc.

And yesterday, on the way to work (In the rain, naturally), I got a page from JS; I am "on avail" for the Nordea commercial.

Here's what I wrote about that audition "off-line":

Last Thursday, I had an audition for Nordea, a Scandanavian bank. No lines or business--When I was called into the room, they had me "slate", then just asked some (seemingly) random questions.

I don't like those kind of auditions because, at least up till now, I've never gotten a callback from one, let alone booked a gig. And they usually specify that they don't want you to say anything about acting (Which as I told Mark Z. in a recent email, makes me realize how very little I have going on outside of acting).

Sure enough, they told me before rolling tape, "We don't want to hear anything about the business...".

Then, during the course of the "interview", they ask, "So what's your dream...?".

I was pretty annoyed by that question, under the circumstances--I wanted to yell "You just told me not to tell you my dream!!!". But I babbled something about wanting enough money to not have to worry about money, and something vague about "finding a partner" (I think that was the phrase I used; I remember thinking afterwards that I was so vague they could have thought I meant a business partner).

Not exactly inspired. But there's the thing--Telling someone who wants to hire you as an actor that you want to be an actor is not too "inspired" either. So I obviously need to get a life, or at least get a whole lot better at making one up!

So anyway, I'm "on avail", meaning I shouldn't schedule any trips to England on the 17th-19th, or the 22nd-26th.

(I'm assuming the spot is being shot here--I think they would have said something at the initial audition otherwise--but I'm still hoping I'll get some use out of my new passport sooner than expected. That would just be really cool!)

JS paged me around 3:00 yesterday, so I spent the rest of the afternoon hoping I'd get another page to say I booked the spot, but it didn't happen.

And here's where the "crazy making" part begins--I could get called today, tomorrow, next week, the week after, or never.

I told Jane in an email some time back that within a few days after an audition, I assume it isn't going to happen; not because I know, because often I have no idea, but because I can't handle not knowing.

But whether I get this one or not, this is still good stuff. 10 auditions so far this year, and I booked Hyundai, was "on avail" for the PSA, and now this.

When I learn what the hell I'm doing, I'm going to be unstoppable...!

But right now, this "unstoppable acting machine" has to take a nap...


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