Get your own
 diary at! contact me older entries newest entry

7:11 pm - Weds 6.04.2008
Mainlining The Internet

Mainlining the Internet

Weds 6/4/08 (10:08 a.m.)

I’m an Internet addict.

I’ve joked before about living like a shut-in, but right now, the joke’s not so funny; I really do act sometimes like the Internet is my only connection to the outside world, when the outside world is, in reality, conveniently located right outside my apartment.

But I did go to the movies with Pat M. on Sunday (Saw the latest “Indiana Jones”, which I enjoyed more than I thought I would), and am having lunch again with John O. tomorrow. And I have therapy with Javier later today, and a casting workshop on Saturday.

So with enough motivation, I can tear myself away from the Internet. But I can’ t lie to you, kids - I really do have a problem.

Actually, a bigger issue right now than my “acting like a shut-in” is how the Internet has been distracting me from....well, from writing on the Internet, oddly enough.

(Seriously, my connection is down right now, and I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve checked on it since starting this entry. So I think it's official: I am a capital-J “Junkie”.)

And yes, you could see “writing on the Internet” as just another symptom of IA. But it’s different than, say, looking at porn, or playing “Babble” (“The Internet ‘superchild’ of Boggle and Scrabble”, according to their website), or watching YouTube videos. At least it’s me trying to communicate with the outside world, instead of hiding from it.

(And no matter how good I get at looking at online porn, it’s pretty unlikely anyone’s going to pay me for it. Unless I get equally good at writing about it afterwards.)

Whenever writing threatens to be “hard” - because I’m venturing into uncomfortable emotional territory, trying to write about something a little beyond my normal reach, or just daring to have ambition (looking into “blogging for pay”, for example) - suddenly I just have to check my email for the zillionth time, or see if any new porn clips have been uploaded at, or check my MySpace page.

I guess it’s no different than someone working at an office, avoiding the work they’re supposed to be doing with endless hands of Solitaire.

But in my case, there’s no boss to say “Hey, get back to work, Hoffmaster!”; if I don’t discipline myself to “stay on task”, the “task” doesn’t get done.

And I want to see what happens when I do “stay on task”, when I push past the myriad distractions offered by the Internet (Or tv) and write about those “uncomfortable emotional issues”, or about a topic it might take some effort to think through (ex. Anything not about “The Wonder Of Me”, basically).

And getting past distractions, getting past that desire to avoid anything “hard”, is a critical skill I need to develop, if I really want this hobby of mine, like acting before it, to become a possible career (For that matter, if I just want to see what, if anything, I have to work with).

(In a few minutes, I’m going to get past my desire to avoid anything “hard”, and get myself out the door and to the gym; it’s particularly important, now that I don’t have the daily bike rides to ArcLight - and whatever exercise I got walking around during a shift - to do something physical, just to make sure I “stay on task” with losing weight)

One “challenging” topic I’ve wanted to write about, and have at the same time been avoiding writing about, are the “sex movies” I’ve been watching recently (Shortbus, Sex Is Comedy, and Sex and Lucia). Not “porn”, but legitimate films with “strong sexual themes”–and in the case of Shortbus, quite a bit of graphic sex - that have made a big impression on me.

But that’s an entry in itself, and not just something you “tack on” to the end of another entry, so for now, it’s off to the gym...


previous - next

3 comments so far
about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at!