7:11 pm - Weds 6.04.2008
Mainlining The Internet

Weds 6/4/08 (10:08 a.m.)

I�m an Internet addict.

I�ve joked before about living like a shut-in, but right now, the joke�s not so funny; I really do act sometimes like the Internet is my only connection to the outside world, when the outside world is, in reality, conveniently located right outside my apartment.

But I did go to the movies with Pat M. on Sunday (Saw the latest �Indiana Jones�, which I enjoyed more than I thought I would), and am having lunch again with John O. tomorrow. And I have therapy with Javier later today, and a casting workshop on Saturday.

So with enough motivation, I can tear myself away from the Internet. But I can� t lie to you, kids - I really do have a problem.

Actually, a bigger issue right now than my �acting like a shut-in� is how the Internet has been distracting me from....well, from writing on the Internet, oddly enough.

(Seriously, my connection is down right now, and I�ve lost count of how many times I�ve checked on it since starting this entry. So I think it's official: I am a capital-J �Junkie�.)

And yes, you could see �writing on the Internet� as just another symptom of IA. But it�s different than, say, looking at porn, or playing �Babble� (�The Internet �superchild� of Boggle and Scrabble�, according to their website), or watching YouTube videos. At least it�s me trying to communicate with the outside world, instead of hiding from it.

(And no matter how good I get at looking at online porn, it�s pretty unlikely anyone�s going to pay me for it. Unless I get equally good at writing about it afterwards.)

Whenever writing threatens to be �hard� - because I�m venturing into uncomfortable emotional territory, trying to write about something a little beyond my normal reach, or just daring to have ambition (looking into �blogging for pay�, for example) - suddenly I just have to check my email for the zillionth time, or see if any new porn clips have been uploaded at UselessJunk.com, or check my MySpace page.

I guess it�s no different than someone working at an office, avoiding the work they�re supposed to be doing with endless hands of Solitaire.

But in my case, there�s no boss to say �Hey, get back to work, Hoffmaster!�; if I don�t discipline myself to �stay on task�, the �task� doesn�t get done.

And I want to see what happens when I do �stay on task�, when I push past the myriad distractions offered by the Internet (Or tv) and write about those �uncomfortable emotional issues�, or about a topic it might take some effort to think through (ex. Anything not about �The Wonder Of Me�, basically).

And getting past distractions, getting past that desire to avoid anything �hard�, is a critical skill I need to develop, if I really want this hobby of mine, like acting before it, to become a possible career (For that matter, if I just want to see what, if anything, I have to work with).

(In a few minutes, I�m going to get past my desire to avoid anything �hard�, and get myself out the door and to the gym; it�s particularly important, now that I don�t have the daily bike rides to ArcLight - and whatever exercise I got walking around during a shift - to do something physical, just to make sure I �stay on task� with losing weight)

One �challenging� topic I�ve wanted to write about, and have at the same time been avoiding writing about, are the �sex movies� I�ve been watching recently (Shortbus, Sex Is Comedy, and Sex and Lucia). Not �porn�, but legitimate films with �strong sexual themes��and in the case of Shortbus, quite a bit of graphic sex - that have made a big impression on me.

But that�s an entry in itself, and not just something you �tack on� to the end of another entry, so for now, it�s off to the gym...

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