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3:13 pm - Sat 4/19/03
Handsome and \"Manful\"

Not feeling as "handsome & manful" as I'd like...

("handsome and manful" was the description on a package of men's underwear I saw at the discount store down the street. More of the "Fractured English" I like.)

Well, I'm afraid the emotional "bounce" I was feeling from my recent spate of commercial auditions came and went in a hurry.

It's back in the dumper I go...

The fact that I didn't hear anything the next day was a little discouraging--Okay, more than a little--but the trip back to the bottom actually started sooner than that, when I got home, all excited, and didn't have anyone to talk to, didn't have anything to do, and didn't manage to use my temporarily energized feeling to get anything done.

Then having to go back to work yesterday took a little more of the "bloom off the rose"; One of the things that makes me feel good is when I can, if only for a time, pretend that all I have to do out here is be an actor. It frustrates me to feel so tired and depressed, to know I have to somehow marshall the energy to do what I need to do out here, then to feel my energy, such as it is, drained away by a job that is getting me nowhere and barely pays my bills.

But anyway...the thing I said yesterday about going out on commercial calls is still true; It may be tough, to go out and go out and go out, and have nothing happen, but any one casting out could be the one. So I have to "keep the faith".

And I was thinking--I was feeling discouraged over not hearing anything the next day, but none of the things I auditioned for start till at least the 27th, so there's still time for me to get called.

But anyway, it's off to work.

(Find myself wondering why it's been almost a week, and I haven't written anything in here about "Reading by 9", which I did for the first time this past Monday. I find that...interesting. I'll definitely have to address it in my next entry.)


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