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5:48 PM - 02.25.20

How Can You Miss Me If I Never Go Away?

(Listening to the CBS News Democratic Debate...)

Jane has been here since Thursday (She left today - Heard from her a short time ago that she made it home and is having dinner with friends).

I can't speak to the primary motivation for her visit, so I'll just say the two of us hung out and had a lot of fun. And when we weren't together, she worked on the film, editing footage and getting b-roll of LA (Something I've learned during this experience - There's no such thing as "too much b-roll").

One thing I was mildly nervous about (But that ended up being great fun, and then some), was watching a 90-minute "assembly" of footage.

That's something Jane didn't initially think she was going to do - share footage with me prior to the first "rough cut" of the film - but as she's come to think of me not just as documentary "subject" but a "collaborator" in the effort, she's had a change-of-heart

I didn't imagine, going in, that I would be too surprised by anything or have any kind of extreme reaction of unhappiness or distaste - What I worried about was that I might look at the footage and not "see the possibilities", then wonder how I was going to deal with Jane asking "So what do you think?".

But happily, that was not my response; clearly it's not anything like a film just yet - There's a load of work left to do - but honestly, for the first time, I found myself thinking, "This is really going to be a thing" (Which is more an issue of my never having been a part of anything like this than any doubts or concerns about Jane).

While things don't look or sound as good as they are ultimately going to, I was impressed on that front. There was a lot of fun, evocative imagery, and the warmth that Jane displayed with her first documentary (The Pie Lady of Pie Town) was already on display.

But of course, being me, I was most concerned about how I came off (And that's not an idle concern in a documentary that's all about me - Jane can insert all the warmth in the world, but if I don't emerge as an interesting, engaging character, that would be that).

And once I got over what I always have to get over - seeing myself on camera - and could focus on what was happening on screen, I thought I emerged as a smart, funny, somewhat troubled guy (And while I'm not thrilled by my appearance - face or body right now - I do have to say my eyes are pretty compelling).

I don't know that it's possible for me to view footage of our stuff with a non-biased eye, to view it the way an audience would (One thing that occurred to me as I watched was that part of my enjoyment was having the footage serve as a fun visual reminder of how I've spent a good chunk of my time this past year. Which of course is not how audiences are going to be seeing it - for them, it will have to be fun/interesting/moving/what-have-you in its own right).

I still have concerns - One viewing of a partial assemblage of footage wasn't going to change me from a chronic worrier overnight - but it was a very positive experience for me. Just seeing that much footage, and finding much of it compelling, made me feel like "We don't have it yet, but there's an enjoyable film in what we've shot".

It's made things seem more "real" somehow. Which I'm embarrassed to say - What exactly did I think we were doing all this time? - but here we are.

It will be interesting to see what happens next...

One thing I would like to see "happen next" would be some auditions (and bookings).

So far, VO auditions have been the thing. Which would be nice, if I could figure out how to actually book one of those bad boys (I very much want VO to emerge as a viable "income stream", cause I really don't want to be bagging groceries at Ralphs when I'm in my 60s).

There haven't been any commercial auditions so far this year. And the only theatrical thing was some low-budget project that did so little for me I was only mildly disappointed over not booking it.

While it took forever-and-a-day, I did finally get the initial checks for Coke Energy and
Take 5.

The Coke Energy spot - Or at least the cut I show up in - is running on TV some, but I've heard nothing of the Take 5 spot, so I may have gotten what I'm gonna get from that one (If so, all the more reason to want some new things to start happening).

Haven't heard anything about Shameless as of yet, though the scuttlebutt is that things are going to start up next month (The early start is because they're going to debut the final season in the summer, as a lead-in to some new show - Ten seasons in, Shameless is apparently still Showtime's biggest series).

While I'm trying to stay "in the moment" about this being the show's last season, I did say to Jane recently that "that final wrap party should be epic!" (Note to self: Consider taking the next day off).


(11:55 pm)

Took a break to watch the first two episodes of Better Call Saul....

It's a show I've watched since the beginning, but it feels especially compelling this season, since I'm going to be popping up in episode 7.

Better Call Saul would be a great example of the kind of success I'd like to have next - To be a major part of a critical hit (Though if a network wanted me for the next eternal cookie-cutter franchise, I would probably not say no).

My therapist brought up something I hadn't thought about before - When I told him I would probably take Social Security early (Assuming it's still there in a couple years), he said that might be the opportunity to just pursue acting, the way I've wanted to.

Hadn't thought of it that way. And while I worry whether anyone is going to give a shit about 60-something Jim, it would be nice to think I might be able to get by on SS and whatever comes in from acting (If the wait for my next big series takes a little longer than anticipated).

Guess time will tell...

And on that note, it's actually past my bedtime, which works out, because I got nothing left to say anyway.

TIll next time...


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