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10:18 am - Sun 5/05/02 Well, the biggest news since I last wrote isn't really my news, and the people I thought it would be news to already know about it. But I'm still excited about it, so I'm going to write about it anyway! I had lunch with Chris S. on Thursday (That's not the "news" part, though it is fairly rare). After going on at great length about my new car, my job situation, how the rest of my show went, and other theoretically interesting, "Jim-centric" topics, I finally got around to asking Chris how things were going with him, and he had some pretty exciting news of his own to share; He's been cast in the George of the Jungle sequel! With the success of the Mummy movies, Brendan Fraser passed on the 15 mil they offered for the George sequel. And into that void stepped Chris, looking something like Mr Fraser, projecting the requisite "Good Guy-ness", having a body they don't have to build from the ground up (Though amazingly, Chris's current build isn't quite good enough for them; They want him to go from a lean 6% body fat to about half that), and they get all this for a minute fraction of Mr Fraser's price. It's probably going to be a straight-to-video affair, but if it works out, there's a deal for another George movie and a third, unrelated movie, for a quarter million by the time he's through (For some perspective? In my entire working life so far, I've made a little over $100,000). They've currently got him working with a physical trainer, an acting coach, and a choreographer (For the necessary "animal-like" movement). He'll be going to Australia next month for the shoot (I don't know how long it's supposed to be. I would guess at least a month or two). There are potential pitfalls, of course--Whatever happened to Klinton "Lone Ranger" Spilsbury, or Miles "Tarzan" O'Keefe?--but this absolutely has to be seen as a hugely positive development for Chris; If it goes well, he's on his way, and even if it doesn't, he's still got a payday he can live on for the next year or two, experience that will stand him in good stead, and I would guess, in this day and age, being seen in anything is better than not being seen at all ("Any publicity is good publicity" and all that). I didn't even think about it initially, but how I responded to Chris's news indicates that I've grown as a person, without being at all aware of it. Jane said people in her exercise class were speculating as to whether or not I'd be jealous over Chris's good fortune. I'm not. Chris has been out here for over six years now. He's put in the time, struggling through doubts and difficulties, staying positive, and if this is the big payoff, I say "It's about time". And I think I'm over the idea that there's some finite amount of "good fortune" out there, that if someone succeeds, it has to be at my expense. (Though I have to admit, that's pretty easy to say in this case, since Chris and I are so different; If Chris were a Jim Hoffmaster doppelganger being cast in the next Steven Soderbergh picture, the tone of this entry might be very different!) On the contrary, Chris having this good fortune is a real morale-booster; It can happen. All it takes is the right person to take notice, the right project, someone taking a chance on you. Then the door opens, and you walk through. It can happen. It's a long-shot, but "long-shots" happen. It's happening right in front of me. And while I'm not Chris, and we have very different looks and skills, it gives me hope, because I know I'm not without my own "offbeat appeal". There's a place for him out there, and there's a place for me too. And beyond the abstract sense of "hope" it gives me, there's the more practical consideration; If Chris starts going places, he might be able to take me along (At the very least, it won't hurt to know someone who knows people. If you know what I mean). Actually, Chris is already trying to give me a "leg up"; He recently told me about a friend who was subletting half his apartment for $200 (That would have been pretty fantastic if it had worked out, but I got to the friend a little too late, and someone else got it. It might have posed problems for me anyway, since I would've had to break my current lease, which goes till August). He's also trying to put a good word in for me at Warner Brothers, where he knows someone who apparently could hire me as a studio tour guide. I think that would be pretty fun, and something I would have a natural affinity for. I'd enjoy being able to say I worked for a studio, and more than that, I'd enjoy making more than the slave wage I'm making at Borders. (I've contacted his person at Warners--Shannon Ryan--and am waiting to hear back from her. Chris gave me her e-mail, and I wrote her what I hope was a charming little note. I guess we'll see how "charming" it was.) I simply have to make more money out here. And I want to make it doing something I actually want to do. It might sound crazy, but that's what I want, and I don't see any reason I shouldn't have that in my life. _________________________________________________ At the bookstore, things are changing daily. When Padric left, I remember thinking that I wasn't sure what problems with the store were a result of Padric, and what was just Borders. Well, in terms of the store looking like crap and being a disorganized mess? That turns out to have been Padric. Marie, the interim manager (Who's apparently a whiz at going around and fixing "troubled" stores like this one)is whipping things into shape in a hurry. It's still a work in progress, but even as things currently stand, it's a more attractive, better organized store than it's ever been in my time there. And in a way, the fact that the store is going to function more like an honest-to-God bookstore is troubling me. By that, I mean the store is going to become a more appealing place to work, and I'm growing more comfortable there and would like to stay, at least until the acting thing starts paying its own way. But I don't feel like I can. The pay is just too...prohibitive. I like the books, I like my coworkers, I think I'm better than most with the customers, but I don't feel I can afford to be there. I don't have money to do mass-mailings. I don't have money for acting classes or showcases. I don't have money for anything that might crop up as an emergency. I have no savings, and here's something I think is borderline cruel; They offer a 401 K, but with the money I'm making, how can I afford to participate in it? Expenses I feel my salary should cover are very stressful to me (For example, I just borrowed $2200 from Mark and Jane for the car, because I don't have any savings, and couldn't swing a car payment. But now I'm sweating how I'm going to pay the $190 down payment on the insurance, in addition to the trip to the DMV, when I currently have about $80 in my checking account till the 17th). I'm not exactly living "high on the hog" here; I think my full time job should provide me with, at the very least, the feeling that I'm not one step from the gutter. It makes me angry that they pay me so little. Anyway... I have taken ownership of the car, but as I just finished saying, haven't done the insurance/registration stuff just yet. It's a nice little car. It looks kind of similar to the Corsica--White, four-door--but a little sexier, at least to me. I'm going to keep riding my bike to work, I think. There's no reason not to--It saves money, avoids unnecessary parking annoyance, is good exercise, and besides, I like it--but that said, I also have to remember that I didn't buy a car in order to not use it. I have to get over my thing about parking, and in terms of the expense involved, I just have to have faith that I'll make enough extra money (Perhaps from "extra" work), that the car will end up paying for itself. Having faith. Believing. I've been thinking about that a lot over the past number of days. I don't have a "God" to believe in. The one presented to me early on was pretty unappetizing, and I can't create one from whole cloth without feeling...like I'm creating one from whole cloth. And I don't know if it would make any difference; I think if there was a God, a benovolent God, he'd want me believing in myself anyhow. So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to act "as if" there's a God, a nice God, who wants the most for me. And I'm going to believe in myself. I'm going to have faith that I can make a better, more satisfying life for myself. Why the hell not?
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