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2:16 am - Tues 8.19.2008

Important Moments (In Other People's Lives)

Well, I have no big news to share with you - no auditions, no gigs, no calls from Sherry Greene about a job with Weight Watchers - but at least big things are happening to a couple of my friends...

1. Jane is a grandma again; her daughter Emily went into the hospital around 11:30 yesterday morning, and baby "Beckett" entered the world just three hours later.

At a touch over 9 lbs, Jane described him as "longer and leaner" than "chunky monkey" Anderson, Emily's first spawn.

(I guess it's time, at this point, with Emily having just pushed out baby #2, to quit being "amazed" that she's not a kid anymore. But if I do that, I have to acknowledge certain other facts I don't want to acknowledge regarding "the passing of time". So I'm going to keep being amazed that Emily's not a kid anymore, and joking how "I just keep staying the same", probably till her kids are having kids. If I live that long.)

2. Meanwhile, here in LA, my friend Molly had her audition for a recurring role on CSI Miami yesterday, I think around the same time Emily was having her baby back in MI.

Molly felt good about how things went, but I don't know if she's going to be bringing a new character into the world or not - I'm guessing not, because I thought it was supposed to shoot today. But schedules get re-arranged, so who knows?

(I have a workshop tomorrow night, so if I go, and there's a note on the door from Molly saying "Tonite's workshop is canceled due to the fact that I'm a big star now", I'll know things went well.)


While there's no real "news" going on in my life - beyond the news reported in my last "Weight Watchers" entry (At 204 lbs, I'm now the lightest I've been in the past decade or two) - that doesn't mean I don't have anything to write about...

One thing I keep thinking about is that I have to "turn things up a notch" (In here, in my career, etc).

I keep thinking about it...and I keep not doing anything about it.

This inability/unwillingness to "turn thoughts into action", especially when the thoughts are really good thoughts I should be taking action on, has been...troubling (So troubling that it's got me buying self-help books again. Which have never really worked for me - If they had, with all the self-help books books I've read, I'd be like a god at this point - but anyway...).

Some months back, it struck me that, just like I was stagnating back in Lansing, I'm now stagnating here in LA, wanting things to be different, but not really doing anything about it.

So what do I need to do differently?

Well, in here (And in my new blog), I need to be more adventurous, both in how I write and what I write about. I need to "throw caution to the wind"; I'm a more boring writer now than I was years ago, and that's not how I want to see myself after 28 years of journaling - stagnant, if not actually regressing.

And it's not lack of ability, cause I know I can put words together; it's simple lack of will.

Or to put it even more simply - It's fear.

Happily, the new "Characterman" blog is proving to be a good motivator - I started it with the idea of making money, and with even that small financial incentive, I'm really feeling the need/desire to "give people their money's worth", so-to-speak.

I want the blog to attract readers, and I want them to enjoy what they're reading enough to want me to keep writing.

And I think part of that is going to involve pulling-out-the-stops, and asking as much of myself as a writer as I do of myself as an actor.

And I need to make time not just to "blog", but to actually "write" - to work on thinking things through, crafting "pieces", getting past blog entries that are basically "Dear Diary, today I had an audition..." (Those are fine - I am an actor, after all, and sometimes I have auditions - but I know I have more to say about acting, more on my mind, and in my heart, than that).

And in terms of acting/performing, I have to "put myself out there".

I have to act/perform because I am an entertainer. That is who I am, and if I'm not doing that, it shouldn't be surprising that I feel like I'm "stagnating".

I also have to act/perform because, as I said on the other blog, no one's going to give a damn about me as an actor, or see what I can really do, unless they see me really do something.

And I have to to make that happen. Brett isn't going to do it for me. Vicky isn't going to do it for me. All they're going to do is submit me for things, maybe things I'm right for, maybe not (Neither of them know me that well), and if nothing happens, they're going to just hope someone else in their stable will make them some money instead.

I have to take the reins. I have to make more of an effort.

I have to be fearless.

Or else this isn't going to work, and I might as well go back to Lansing and see if I can get my old job back at Schuler Books.


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