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11:38 AM - Thurs 7.12.18

When I Squint At Myself In The Mirror, I See Muscles

Well, had the conversation with my Territory Manager at Weight Watchers that I was so worried about (Regarding my missing a training deadline).

I was confused, because to my mind, I'd completed the training in question, so I wasn't sure what the problem was.

But as it turned out, I had missed the deadline, and according to my boss, Corporate then sent out a hit-list to all the TMs, saying everyone who'd missed said deadline needed to be fired.

My boss said she then interceded on my behalf, explaining to corporate that, in the past, she'd sent out personal texts right before a given training deadline was approaching, but that she hadn't this time,

So, since in effect she'd "trained" procrastinators (Like Yours Truly) to wait till they got that "Do this today" text from her, she asked for special dispensation to send out a final "Do this today, or else!" text...which was the text I'd gotten from her making me think I was okay.

So the call wasn't a "You're fired" call, it was a "You almost got fired" call. She said she wouldn't be sending those "do this training now" texts in the future, so it would be up to me to keep up on current events via my work email,

The overall message was "I saved your ass...but I won't be doing it again".

It was a very short conversation, and I didn't find myself angry or defensive at all (Though honestly, this seems like a lot of drama for a 15-minute "training" on Monthly Pass billing that basically boiled down to two "bullet points" I already knew - 1. Members would no longer be billed two weeks in advance of their pass expiration date, and 2. Physical passes won't be sent out in the mail anymore - Instead, the pass will just be on the member's phone. The rest of the training was on how to positively sell this change to members, which I didn't need any help in, because it's a change I was already totally on board with, and one members had been asking for).

Anyway, I thanked her for interceding on my behalf, apologized for causing the problem, and told her I'd make a point of keeping more on top of these things, which were all genuine sentiments.

Seriously it's not like I enjoy putting everything off till the last moment. It's a bad habit that, 90% of the time, does me no favors (The other 10% of the time? I've procrastinated on something that then just went away for one reason or another. Or the parameters of the thing have gotten changed, so if I did address it in a timely fashion, I then had to re-do my work. So it's not like I don't have any rationales for my procrastination - It's just that most of the time they don't really apply. The reality is basically that I don't like to do most things, particularly things that, if you're an "adult" you just have to do, whether they're "boring" or seem "pointless" or what-have-you).

(Late-breaking news - Just got notice for a commercial callback tomorrow. So "Yay" me!)

So anyway, the whole "not getting fired" thing was a relief (Though by evening's end, I was back to "I wish I didn't have to work tomorrow...!". That's how long my happiness over getting to keep my job lasted).

And the next day was very positive - The audition I'd had was fun (And I just got a callback from it, so I guess that sense of fun came through), I got called for another audition on Wednesday, got notice that I'm on for the next episode of Shameless - after sitting out the previous episode - and got a decent residual check in the mail.

And it seems like the thing with my Zumba group is getting worked out - Carlos wrote up a very professional letter requesting the space, which three of us signed, and he was told yesterday that we're good to go on Friday (Which I will believe when I see us listed on the room schedule - We've had permission to use the space every time we've used it, and that hasn't stopped the conflict, so I feel a strong need for an official, written, okay. I want to be able to point to the schedule and say "You can do your thing in here if you want, but for the next hour we're doing our thing, and - spoiler alert - it will not be quiet.").

(As things stand, there's not that many of us, so we don't take up the entire space - If everyone who's ever participated showed up at once, which hasn't happened, we'd have maybe 10 people. So we're up for people doing their own thing while we're there...though by the same token, if we're going to be an officially-designated room activity, we have to let other people in, which we're also all on-board with - I personally would get a kick out of being a founding member of something that became a popular group activity at the Y. I don't think I've ever been a "founding member" of anything before.)

(10:40 pm)

(It's actually close to midnight as I write this - I was all set to write, then realized I hadn't yet worked out today, so I had to "do my thing".)

I'm pretty happy with myself that I've started doing some weight/resistance training.

I'd been doing Zumba for a while now, but over time, I started feeling guilty that I wasn't doing anything else. I wasn't happy about my physical appearance - partly due to weight, partly due to lack of any discernable muscles - and beyond that, it seemed every other day I was hearing how muscle mass declines with age, unless you actively work against it.

So some months back, I started using the light dumbbells I have that have just been taking up space.

In the time since I've bought some resistance bands, some fancier resistance bands, and something called a "Bionic Bar".

And Thea - My main/favorite Zumba instructor at the Y - started a "Strong by Zumba" class on Wednesdays, which is a HIIT class (HIIT = High-Intensity Interval Training) using our own body weight, set to music.

It's taken awhile (My initial personal efforts were sloppy and undisciplined, and I probably wasn't doing myself much good, or at least not as much good as I could have been), but I feel like I'm settling into a good groove, with Zumba class (And now the previously discussed "Zumba Club"), the "Strong" class on Wednesday, and now two alternating "toning" workouts (One with the dumbbells, and one with the Bionic Bar) that I found on YouTube.

i was too embarrassed to take "before" pictures, and nobody sees me naked anymore (A certain escort, and that one thing on Shameless a couple years ago notwithstanding), so I'm pretty much the only judge I have in terms of any changes in my body.

So you'll just have to take my word for it when I say that I see a discernable change from when I started - I'm not any bigger, I don't think, but my arms and chest are more defined...and I can even see a hint of abs if I squint at myself in the mirror under just the right light (I think that's both because I focused on the areas that bothered me the most - and in the case of arms, are the most visible - and the fact that I can just see those areas more readily).

The real horror shows, still, are my inner thighs (Which have seemed immune to these "toning workouts", as good as I think they are), and the big ring of flab around my belly (Which isn't going anywhere until I get control of my food),

So I'm not completely where I want to be - and I'm not 100% sure where that is, which seems like a little bit of a problem (What do I want, and what can I reasonably expect?) - and I'm the only gauge of my progress (Really wishing I'd had the courage to take some "Before" pictures)..

But I've started doing a thing, in the face of a great deal of internal resistance (Zumba, while hard at first, was motivating because I like to dance, while lifting things, or stretching giant rubber bands, has never really been my jam), and I've kept at it long enough to see results.

For me, that's a really big deal.

And it's given me an additional hobby - Sneaking peaks at my arms in every reflective surface I come across, hoping I'll see the definition I"m looking for.

But it's late, and I need to get my muscular ass to bed.

Till next time...


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