9:32 am - 10.18.2010
Singing The Not-Blues

(To a certain individual on my email list - your blackberry address doesn't work for this purpose, and keeps bouncing my "New Diaryland Entry" notices back as "undeliverable".)

Didn't mean to let this much time elapse between entries...

Actually started writing an entry day-before-yesterday, but got bogged down in the semantics of whether I was "wrestling with 'The Blues'" or not, and gave up on it.

(Long story short, I think the way I've felt lately has too rich a vein of anxiety running through it to be strictly defined as "The Blues". But anyway...)

Since I last wrote, I had a callback for another commercial - for Bridgestone tires - and was "on avail". But since I was notified of the "avail" almost a week ago, I'm gonna assume it's not happening.

Which is too bad - a good commercial would do loads to ease the rising tide of fiscal anxiety I've felt lately - but at least auditions are continuing to happen (More on that momentarily), so it's not like I'm "dead in the water" at this point.

Someone on Facebook recently asked me about being "on avail" ("What does that mean, Jim?").

The answer, these days, seems to be "not much"...but basically, it's a notice from the Producers, after callbacks (Or a "producer session", on the theatrical side), that you're "on the short list" of people being considered for the role, reserving their right to be notified before you accept another job.

(The Bridgestone commercial was the third time I've been "on avail" recently - or "pinned", as it's called on the theatrical side - but haven't actually booked the gig.)

I'm hoping the third time will be the charm when it comes to Shameless (Or as I've come to think of it, "The William H. Macy Show") - I'm going back to that casting office next Monday.

The scene isn't with Mr M., sadly...but my character describes himself as a "friend" of his character, so even though I typically try not to think this way, I can't help but have visions of "recurring role" dancing through my head.

The other audition I have pending is a voice-over audition for an animated movie.

This would be fun, because it would be something I've never done before, and even though Haley (My voice-over agent/manager) didn't specify a dollar amount, she suggested this would be a lucrative booking (Bringing us back to "relieving the rising tide of fiscal anxiety" I've been feeling lately).

I've moved slowly toward setting things up so I can record voice-over auditions here at home - I've downloaded a computer program called Audacity, bought a microphone at Best Buy, and just yesterday bought a "pop filter" at Guitar Center - because even though this sort of "tech thing" frightens me (For its seeming great potential for upset and frustration), the lure of being able to do auditions from home, without having to brave LA traffic (Or pay for studio time) is too great to resist.

I've been, frankly, disappointed in how relatively few voice-over auditions I've had since Brett started the "Voice-over Division" of BCK (And more disappointed that, of those few auditions, I haven't booked anything yet).

But that said, I still have great hope that voice-over work will become an important part of my acting career; I wouldn't want it to become the dominant part (It definitely has its appeal, but I'll always prefer acting with people over acting in a recording booth, or in my home "studio"), but if it becomes the thing that makes the difference between being a full-time actor, versus an actor with a "day job", I think that would be just dandy.

Speaking of my "day job"...

(12:15 pm)

(Got an email a short time ago - I have a commercial audition later today. But anyway...)

If you don't recall me complaining much about WW in here, it's because there's nothing much to complain about (Or maybe more accurately, there's nothing new to complain about, so why hash over the same gripes about a low-status, low-paying retail/service job for a big company?).

The work is not typically demanding or stressful, it's mostly pleasant enough, and I'm fine with the members and the people I work with.

But a couple recent events have pushed the "I want out" button (Which is the goal, after all - No matter what the "day job", however pleasant or unpleasant it may be, I came out here to act, not to...do other stuff).

I know this is something most actors have to deal with, but I hate the inevitable conflicts between auditions and my regular job. I don't want to have an audition come up, and have my first worry be getting someone to work my WW meeting, or be at an audition worrying about when it'll finish, or think that I'm "losing money" because an audition is happening during a WW meeting (ex. A Wednesday audition, mid-morning, "costs" me $60-70 in lost WW wages, making it doubly depressing when I don't book - "I didn't get the gig...and it cost me $60").

I want my thoughts, my energies, and even, God help me, my anxieties, to be centered around my career, not WW...or any "day job".

One surprising thought that's popped into my head is that not working at WW might actually be better for me in terms of my weight loss/weight maintenance.

That's a surprising thought because one of the primary motivations for working at WW was "maintaining my weight" (You're supposed to be within two lbs of your goal weight to work at WW).

But when I started to develop an ongoing problem with waking up and eating (And thus, an ongoing problem with keeping to my goal weight), I realized that, if I were just a WW member, I'd probably still be going to meetings and weighing in every week, and getting help/support with the issue.

But as things stand, I feel like I'm pretty much "on my own" with it (Weigh-ins, which should be a fairly matter-of-fact affair at this point, have become just another thing to feel stressed about - I'm keeping off around 65 lbs, but feel like I'm failing).

But I don't know if/when my acting career will ever be cooking at such a rate that I feel like I can jump from working at WW to just being a WWer

...but I want to.

(But right now, I feel the need to put all this to bed - literally - and take a nap, before heading off for my audition in a little bit...)

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