3:42 pm - Thurs 02.21.2013
While I never have anything resembling "a good night's sleep", this seems to make things even worse, and I go through my day in a fog - typically ending up going back to bed at some point to attempt a nap - until it's time to get ready for my evening meeting at Weight Watchers (Which I increasingly don't want to do...because I feel like shit from staying up too late the night before).
In the last 45 minutes or so, I've tried to squeeze at least some productivity out of myself, by attending to the dishes - which I tend to leave in the sink till they become absolutely disgusting - and now doing this (Which I will have to abandon shortly, because I need to start getting ready for WW soon).
The audition yesterday - for the role of "Crazy Pete" in a low-budget film called The Sighting - went very well.
To be honest, I was not sufficiently prepared - I had a good sense of the piece but didn't have the lines down like I should have - and like with my staying up late on Wednesday nights, there was really no good reason for it ("Self-sabotage", perhaps, because I wasn't sure I wanted the gig?).
But that said, I gave them a pretty good dose of "crazy" for "Crazy Pete", and they seemed to really go for it.
There was a very good vibe in the room in general ("The room" consisted of the Director, his assistant/partner, and Myself).
It was a three-page scene that was primarily my character talking (And unlike most things I go in for, was not the entire role).
And while I might be making excuses/flattering myself, I thought I did a good job of folding my "looseness" on the lines into the character; he's very excitable and eager to get his point across, while his mind is going a-million-miles-a-minute (What with the "being crazy" and all), which I thought justified some stammering and repetition.
Tues 2/26/13 (5:16 pm)
Well, the movie didn't happen.
Guess I wasn't reading the "vibe" in the room as well as I thought.
And that's why it's a great idea to be prepared, and not half-ass things; not just because it might help you get the job - though that's not a bad thought - but because then, if you don't get the job, you can hold your head high and say, "Well, I know it wasn't anything I did, because I was @#!! great.
I don't have that now - For all I know, they were just as impressed with me as I thought they were, then the next guy came in, was just as talented but had his act a little more together, and they thought, "I can't believe we were almost ready to settle on that last guy...!".
Weds 2/27/13 (6:53 pm)
Had a commercial audition yesterday.
It would surely be nice to book a national commercial right now - I don't know if I have the words to communicate how tough it is to have this financial stress that just goes on and on and on, with no clear end in sight.
But by the same token, in reaching for a little "perspective" yesterday, I had to tell myself, "Be real, Jim - If you had the security you crave right now, it wouldn't be the end of your problems. You didn't worry about 'security' in Lansing, but you were bored and lonely, looking at 'more of the same' for the rest of your life. Was it really that much better than where you are now?"
Maybe a little...but only a little.
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