11:11 am - Tues 2/19/08
Out And About

Tues 2/19/08 (1:06 a.m.)

The other day, I found myself wondering, apropos of nothing, �What was the last name of the family in Malcolm In The Middle?�.

(I just checked on IMDB: It�s �Wilkerson�.)

Now, I can�t even imagine having eight kids - and six three year olds! - but sometimes that opening sequence makes me feel sad, and I've figured out why; in all likelihood, I'll never be referring to �our life�, whether it's "crazy" or not.

It�s always just going to be �my life�.

Singular.

And while I've determined that's probably for the best, that doesn't mean I don't feel sad about it from time to time.

That is so not the way I want to be walking on the set next Monday, with a big cold sore on my bottom lip (Or the big scab I usually end up with afterwards).

I know exactly why this is happening (theories of �subconscious self-sabotage� notwithstanding): It was that fucking �sleep study� two weeks ago. It was such a miserable, �I had the worse night�s sleep in years� experience - and I never sleep well - that it actually laid me low enough for the dormant herpes virus to go on the attack.

(Whenever I get a cold sore, that means I've gotten "run down" for some reason. And "sleep study" night really did throw me. And it's the only thing I can think of recently where my body experienced significant, unusual stress.)

But I�m not going to freak out. Cause freaking out isn�t going to help. I�m guessing even if I walk onto the set with a cold sore, it won�t be the first time that�s ever happened, and I�m sure there are ways to deal.

But if anyone has advice on how to accelerate the healing process, I�m all ears (Right now, I�m just applying lots of Carmex, and thinking happy thoughts).

And again, I have to say, �What the fuck?�.

I mean, a bowling injury? A recurring bowling injury?

Who hurts themselves bowling?!? It's the sport of out-of-shape, middle-aged fat people, so I should have been right in my element.

And what�s my body doing now, getting hurt on the eve of a commercial gig?

(I did community theater for 20 years, and can count on one hand - with fingers to spare - the times I got hurt or sick while doing a show. I just wouldn't allow that sort of thing to happen.)

Anyway, I've been feeling it for the past couple days, though it hasn�t affected my ability to walk or put weight on it (It�s not the bottom of my heel that hurts, but the back, just below my achilles tendon).

And if it stays like that (sore but functional), it's no big deal, I can live with it.

I don�t care if I�m hurting on the day in question - it would be nice to have a fun day and enjoy myself, but I�ll definitely settle for just being able to do the job - but it becomes a huge deal if I pull up lame after the first couple takes (Cause we�re going to have to sprint and do "broken-field running" all day long). And I do not want to get sent packing because I can't do the job.

And even more importantly for my commercial career, I don�t want to be on Alyson Horne�s �couldn�t do the job and had to be sent home from the set� list (Alyson is the casting director for the spot, and she calls me in for things all the time).

But again, I�m not going to freak out. There�s no point.

Everything�s going to work out, because I will it to be so.

I am not going to lose out on thousands of dollars because my body�s having a fucking hissy-fit.

That brings my ArcLight salary up to $9.75 an hour, which is still less than I was making when I left Schuler books back in Michigan, seven years ago (Though I�m finally making more than I made at Borders, after working there almost five years).

The raise will definitely help (As in �Every little bit helps�). But beyond any practical benefit, I just appreciate the gesture; it's a "pat on the back" from management that means something to me.

Tues 2/19/08 (11:20)

Yesterday, I didn't get out of the house much; I had a session with Javier (Just days after our last one, but I couldn't do our regular appointment time, and it was the only day he had open), and then I grocery shopped later in the afternoon, and that was it.

And other than a workshop tomorrow night, I don't have anything else scheduled this "weekend".

I do have to go to the bank at some point to deposit that Propel check - since I couldn't go yesterday because of the "holiday" - and to 24 Hour Fitness (I went once last week, and that's just not acceptable). But beyond that - and barring a call from Brett or JS about an audition - things are pretty open-ended.

And as a rule, that's not good for me.

I'm clearly more comfortable holing up in my apartment than "going out", but that doesn't mean it's good for me. I need to make myself get out more.

I have to start planning some of my time off, to give myself more interesting, enjoyable things to do than surfing the web and watching tv; both to enjoy life more in the here-and-now, and to start preparing for my future as a full-time "actor-for-hire" (When, if I'm not in a series, or doing a play, I'll likely have a lot of "unstructured time" on my hands).

And it was JS.

He was calling to tell me about my callback for Orbit.

The one I did already.

He was looking at the wrong date on his schedule book.

(As Homer S. might say, "D'oh"!)

I was caught so off-guard, I was temporarily disoriented; I said to JS, genuinely confused, "Didn't I do that already...?".

Anyway, so no news on that front.

Though since I had him on the phone, I asked JS if he always knows when a project has been cast, and he said he typically does (He gets an email to that effect), and so far as he knows, the Orbit commercial casting is still "pending".

(And he said it was fine with him whenever I want to check on something like that, which I thought was nice. Though for his sake and mine, I'm going to try not to abuse the privilege.)

Well, there's lots more to write about, but then I run the risk of tomorrow's entry being "Didn't get out of the house at all yesterday. All I did was hang around the apartment and write in Diaryland...".

See ya later.

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