3:44 pm - 07.09.2009
Perfect Enough For Now

Something occurred to me the other day, regarding my current situation, and my resistance to having to take another job/a different job.

And it's important to me that I take note of what occurred to me, because, till now, I've always couched my "resistance" in negative terms - I do not want to have to take on another "crap job", as I think of it, because of the negative effects I imagine will result (Increased fatigue, feeling bad about myself, adding a degree of difficulty to what I'm actually trying to do out here, etc).

But I don't want to take another job for one reason that isn't negative, and that bears mentioning; I don't feel this way every minute of every day, but often times?

I like my life.

I work a job that I feel all right about most of the time, that serves some good, and that gets me "out in the world" enough to meet my social needs, at least in part.

I have time to take classes I hope will be both personally enriching and (eventually) financially rewarding.

When I have an audition, I either have the ability to do that audition without interrupting my work life, or my work life is easily accommodated.

And as things stand, my life feels "fair"; I pay what feels like a massive price for not being a big money-maker (I rarely socialize, I don't date, I don't buy things I like, or go places I might enjoy), but I also reap serious rewards (I spend hardly any time doing things I don't really want to be doing, I have free time, I feel like my energies, such as they are, are going in the right direction, and when I need to rest, I usually have the opportunity).

This isn't a perfect life...but it's perfect enough for now.

And it'll do nicely until "perfect" comes along.

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