10:36 pm - Weds 4/14/04
Take It From Me--Whatever Perversion You Can Think Of, Someone's Gotten There Ahead Of You

Fri 4/9/04 (1:49 p.m.)

The news in brief...

1. Liked Hellboy. I think the big reason it (mostly) works is Ron Perlman. You can quote me on this�Actors are still the best "special effect".

2. Finally got around to doing my taxes. Getting a nice refund of almost $1000.

3. When I tried to start a savings account at my bank on Monday, and they turned me away�cause my Hyundai check was written to "Jim" and not "James" (The name on the account)�I metaphorically told them to go fuck themselves, and now have a new account at Wells Fargo; they (The Wells Fargo folks) had no problem with a check written to "Jim".

4. After going to the bike shop twice recently, and being told my bike was "too small" (By two different guys), I was seriously considering getting a new one. And I will get a new one eventually...but not right now.

5. Didn't get the AOL gig. Disappointing, but only in the "I could use the money" sense; at the callback, when I saw a storyboard of the whole spot, I thought "That's pretty lame...". And I really want "the whole enchilada": I want to make the big money, but I want it to be a spot I can point to with some pride, as being particularly "funny" or "inventive" or what-have-you.

Well, I never intended for there to be such a long layoff between entries (I was going to explain just how such a thing could happen, but I think instead I'll just apologize for the holdup).

Five auditions and a callback so far this month; the pace seems to be picking up from the first two months of the year.

Once again, I'm struck by how hard it is for me to be satisfied; If the auditions don't have anything to do with "acting", and are instead just about a particular "look" (I had a couple of those right off the bat this month), I get frustrated and depressed, while if they're more about "acting", I can't stop myself from playing the audition over and over in my head afterwards, thinking how I coulda/shoulda done better (And there's always something I "coulda/shoulda done better".).

(An example of the latter: On Monday, at an audition for some medical group, I had to play a guy who couldn't move his neck or back, who then accidently drops his keys on the ground and has to figure out how to pick them up and get in his car. Anyway, when I finished, one of the guys laughed and said "Man, that made my back hurt!". But instead of being encouraged by the compliment, as I left I wondered "Did I play up the pain too much and forget to make it funny...?".)

But I think, on the whole, I'm getting better at coping with the whole "commercial thing". As Brian K. said to me while still at the bookstore, "It's a numbers game"; if you throw enough stuff out there, something's bound to stick.

There's been a steady flow of auditions so far this year (22 as of yesterday), so I've continuously been in the position of potentially booking a gig at any time. And the sheer number of auditions has helped me realize that it's silly to put a lot of weight on any one audition.

(Far as I know, I've only missed the boat on one of the auditions I've had this month; The rest, to my knowledge are still "in flux".)

It's been a goal of mine this year to be better about remembering people's birthdays, with at least a phone call or card or something.

So I was very proud of myself when I remembered to call my friend Anita on Sunday, and to buy a card for Cary, to go out in yesterday's mail (His birthday was today).

(It didn't hurt that Anita's screen name--AMF411--contains her birth date. And I still don't have Cary's phone number memorized, so I've been reminded of his birthday every time I look up his number to give him a call. It's written in my address book.)

Then yesterday, as I was chatting with Jane, she said "It's Mark's birthday today...".

D'oh!!

(I've written a number of people's birthdays, including Mark's, in my address book. But what good does that do? Obviously, at the beginning of the year, I need to go through my calendar and write those important dates down, someplace where I'm actually going to see them!)

I'm sorry Mark...

I was thinking about Mark yesterday. My intelligent, thoughtful, 68-year-old friend (Semi-interesting factoid; Jane is thirteen years older than me, and thirteen years younger than Mark).

With my 43rd birthday approaching, 68 doesn't seem as "old" as it used to (And I would say Mark is a particularly young 68).

But by the same token, he's the first friend I've had who's substantially older than I am, which raises the grim spectre of death; prior to Mark, I've never thought, regarding a friend, that "They're probably going to die before I do...". It's a weird, unpleasant, distinctly unsettling thought.

But yesterday, I realized that Mark kicking off before I do is not a "given" at all; In terms of "actuarial tables", Mark kicks my ass--He's married, lives in a smaller town, has a pet, is shorter, and had a father who lived into his 90s--and probably takes better care of himself to boot!

I was startled, some time back, to see that the average life span for a single guy is...well, I was so startled I've blocked it from my mind, but let's put it this way--I'm pretty sure by the time I'm Mark's age, I'll be dead.

Which kind of sucks...

To be honest, when Jane and Mark first got together, I was pretty bummed (Any single person who's lost a close friend to a romantic relationship knows what I'm talking about).

But after a time, I was delighted to discover that instead of losing Jane, I had gained Mark, another "kindred spirit".

Thanks for being born, Mark...

I've been missing Leo, my cat, quite a bit recently...

In addition to the life-lengthening benefit of feline companionship, Leo protected me from the worst effects of my slovenly nature--Without him, I am now being overrun by roaches.

It's pretty gross.

I'm on the list to get a visit from the exterminator that's on-call, but obviously, I'll need to either change my piggish habits, or else get used to sharing my domicile with bugs.

In the "Sex" entry I was going to write--the one that I accidently deleted--I quoted myself from "the other journal", and I was amused enough by what I had to say that I think I'll end this entry with it...

I used to be troubled about some of my sexual thoughts and fantasies, till I realized that whatever I was thinking, however "perverted", was something that someone out there had already done, was currently doing, or had stopped doing on their way to something even more perverted!

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