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4:26 PM - Sat 12.17.22

The Most Problematic Time Of Year (AKA "Jim Favorite Xmas Carol")

Well, I don't have much to write about...but why let a little thing like that stop me...?

After my last entry, where everything was looking up for Jim, I thought I was going to enjoy the sense of relief a little longer than's turned out to be the case (That's always been a problem - bad feelings have a way longer "shelf life" than the good ones).

That said, my traditionally problematic view of this holiday season has altered a bit, thanks to the injection of funds that's coming, along with that productive therapy session on Wednesday.

Knowing that money is coming - and, let's be clear, it's not like I've been at immediate risk of being homeless and hungry at any point this year - makes it easier to accept that this is not a time where much is going to happen with Acting.

(I do remember one December where I had a callback for one commercial and an audition for another that both turned into gigs early in the new year, but that was a definite "outlier".)

This isn't a time to bemoan the fact that "nothing is happening", but to enjoy, as much as possible, the fact that I don't need to stress over what is or isn't happening.

I can

(There will be time enough to worry about Acting starting January 2nd...)

The other thing that tends to stress me out this time of year is the holiday-ness of it all.

I've never felt like I "belonged" anywhere during this time of year (Or perhaps I should say, "Especially during this time of year").

I've "calmed down" about that over the years - and can sometimes even appreciate the "upside" of it (ex. Not having to drive all over creation to go to parties I don't want to go to, with people I wouldn't choose to hang out with if I weren't related to them) - but I still always feel a little more "alien" during Xmas than at any other time of the year.

The other thing I have to "get my mind right about" when it comes to this time of year is presents.

I feel...intimidated by the idea of buying presents for the people in my life. The people in question all have more money than I do, and I have no idea what they might truly enjoy that I could do for them.

This year, I've done a little more than I typically do, but I still feel like I'm falling short.

But really, I don't think anyone expects me to buy them a car, or to somehow know their "heart's desire" when it comes to a present.

And that's not really required, it's just something I put on myself for whatever reason.

All that really matters is the gesture, to let the people who are special to me know, at this time of year, that they are special to me, with "a little something-something".

No one needs me to be the Master Gift-Giver, so maybe it's time I stop feeling guilty because I'm not that guy.


Now that it's legal for me to venture out, I think I'm going to conclude here, and head over to Jane's LA digs - Where I haven't been since coming back from Michigan - so I can enjoy a change-of-scenery (And watch some streaming services that I'm too cheap to pay for myself).

Till next time...



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