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9:11 PM - 10.06.15
A Case Of "Insufficient Public Nudity"

A Case Of "Insufficient Public Nudity"

Well, "The Big Day" has come and gone...

And for me personally, "The Big Day" was a big let-down, in the strangest way - I didn't get naked enough.

Call was for noon, for some reason - Why so early when we're filming a clifftop wedding scene at sundown? I'll never know - and all we did for the first four hours or so was sign our contracts, do some hair and makeup (For me, a little "product", a little covering the dark circles under my eyes, and a little blush to my cheeks...the ones on my face, I mean), and have lunch.

Shortly after four, they had us get into our undergarments, and they got our various wardrobe pieces together.

They dressed me in (From top-to-bottom) a top hat, bow-tie collar, vest, tails, dance belt, black socks, and dress shoes.

I didn't feel "nude" as much as like "an idiot who got dressed for a wedding, and forgot to put on pants".

Then we hung out for most of an hour, basically in our shoes, dance-belts, and robes, till it was time to go do the thing.

They'd brought our stuff up to the location beforehand, so my big "get over my modesty" moment was having to drop my robe, as a wardrobe person helped me get into my things.

But then I was the most "dressed" of all the actors, which felt...weird (Even after the fact, I'm still feeling "sensitive" about it - "Why was I the most covered-up person on the shoot?").

There was then a lot of consultation about shots and positioning and whatnot - weirdly, the Director thought there was one more extra than they'd actually cast (There were four principals and two extras), so after debating roping in some actors who'd been "Surfers" in stuff they were shooting earlier, they then threw a P.A. in - I sure hope he gets "a little something extra" in his next paycheck!), and eventually, we started shooting.

Then there was - at least in my mind - an awkward/tense moment, when the Director asked/told the "Bride" and "Groom" to take their bottoms off, because the dance belts were showing on camera (he said something about not wanting to have to do a lot of FX to get rid of them, and that, since this was a commercial we were shooting, there wouldn't/couldn't be any full-frontal nudity).

But if it was "awkward" for the two of them, it really was only for a moment - They took them off (And the "Priest" took his off in solidarity/comradery, even though he didn't need to, genitals hidden from camera - to my amusement - by the Holy Bible), and we kept shooting.

In all honesty, I was flat-out jealous of the three of them - It felt like the lion's-share of the filming revolved around the three of them (As you'd imagine it would), as the "Priest" improvised appropriate New Age-Y sentiments about marriage, and the couple looked at him, and periodically at each other, with love in their eyes (None of the "priestly improv" is going to be heard in the actual spot - I think the Director said there'd be music playing over the scene - but it clearly helped. Tom - "The Priest" - did a good job, so while I was "jealous", it wasn't at all in an "I would have been so much better" way).

To my way of thinking, they were actually having a "shared experience", doing this weird thing together (I sure have never had cameramen and directors and people, in close physical proximity to me, taking pictures of my nearly-naked body before), and actually acting in the process.

I was a ways behind the couple, with the three extras, and I basically felt like an extra myself.

Two of us had cell-phone cameras, taping the proceedings, and I didn't really know what to do with myself, beyond look at the bride and groom, bare bottoms in front of me, while smiling periodically, as if to say, "This is all so beautiful...".

I don't know how far we were into things, but at one point the Director referenced me, and wanted my hat and jacket off (Seems he ultimately agreed that I looked pretty "dressed" for a "nude wedding").

So my butt was exposed, and I was a little self-conscious about it, though not as much as I might have been, had there not been three people with no bottoms on in front of me.

I tried hard not to "clench", because...well, let's just say "that's not a good look" for me, but it was tough, because we were on uneven ground (And it was weird, hearing camera clicks behind me, and knowing at least some of those "clicks" were taking pictures of my ass).

But I still had on the vest, which was buttoned, so I still felt pretty "covered" (again, more so than anyone else. And the stuff that was covered is probably the stuff I'm most sensitive about people seeing, which kind of surprised me - I wouldn't have known I'd rather show you my ass, imperfect as it is, than my hairy torso and belly).

I'm not sure how long filming went on, but not that long, really (Even if it felt tedious and tiring on my end, since I was already pretty beat from all the waiting-around), because the sun was going down pretty quickly (Which was why the Director wanted to spend as much time as he did beforehand talking about shot setups, so they could move quickly when they were actually filming)

When I was cast - because I was cast - I initially assumed the spot would be a joke somehow. But I really don't think that's ultimately what they were going for.

(To be honest, that's my current theory as to why they ultimately, "covered me up" as much as they did. I'm not trying to put myself down, I'm trying to be honest here - I was the oldest person there, by multiple decades in most cases, and I think a lot of "exposed Jim" would have created a "What's wrong with this picture?" picture. And while that would have been "just what the Doctor ordered" for a comical spot, it wasn't right here.)

I'm probably not done writing about this - it's provoked a lot of thought, about my career and my feelings about my body, and a host of other things - but it's gonna have to wait for another day, cause it's gotten late, and I have to hit the sack...


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