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6:18 PM - Sun 11.06.16
Obsessing Over Three Things (And My Impending Death...So, Four Things).

Obsessing Over Three Things (And My Impending, Four Things)

I've said to friends, and I imagine I've said it in here as well - "You'll know I'm getting enough auditions when I start complaining about not being able to get other shit done because of all the auditions".

(Or words to that effect.)

Well, I don't know that I'm ready to start "complaining" just yet, but this week, I missed two days of work, had to curtail a therapy session, changed two appointments, and missed my Friday WW meeting, because of all the auditions.

I had auditions every day this week (With doubles on Thursday and Friday).

It's the first time it's happened this year, and I'm actually not sure if it's ever happened before (If it has, it's been many years ago).

(For those who want to know the specific breakdown of said auditions - There was a commercial callback on Monday, an audition for a low-budget film on Tuesday, then commercial auditions the rest of the week. Sadly, no TV stuff - and that really does bum me out a bit - but a plethora of money-making opportunities nevertheless.)

While there were stresses and strains and disappointments connected with all that auditioning, by and large, it was a pretty fun week (And while Monday and Tuesday's things almost certainly didn't go my way - I think I would have heard by now if they had - that still leaves five auditions "open", far as I know. And by my own reckoning, I could totally get callbacks on three or four of them).

In fact, the week was so much fun, I started thinking "I wish this were my life..." - Just going on auditions every day (A nice mix of commercials, TV, and movies) - until an unhappy thought struck me, which was "Jim, the trouble with that idea is nobody pays you to audition...".

I guess a world where I'm having auditions all the time presumes I'm going to be booking enough of them to make a living, and/or eventually booking the "thing that changes everything" (And it struck me, during this "I wish this were my life" fantasy, that I'd have to add some sort of social activity to the mix to make up for the people contact I get from my day job).

But almost as soon as I thought "I wish this were my life", I then thought, "...but it's not. You're gonna have a little wave of activity (Or in this instance, a big wave), then things will return to the unhappy, frustrating status quo".

Which is probably why I fell into a depression on Friday when I didn't get any texts or emails for Monday auditions - I'm embarrassed to admit it, but all it took was a single day's break-in-the-action to upset my emotional apple-cart (I'd clearly gotten a bit "overstimulated" by the whole "auditions every day this week" thing).

But at least it didn't take too long to talk myself back into some semblance of sanity - For all I know, the rush of auditions aren't done yet, and as I said before, there's every possibility of getting callbacks from at least four of the past week's outings.

So falling into a funk about my career, at the end of the busiest audition week I've had in maybe forever, would seem to be the definition of "premature", to say the least - Like the bulk of my emotional responses, it's just not a reasonable reaction to circumstances.


Mon 11/7/18 (12:15 pm)

My thoughts are centered around three things these days...

The first thing I've written about already - Last week's rush of auditions, the hope that something will come of them, and that the "rush" will continue for awhile.

The second thing is my car.

In a previous draft of this entry, I went on for days about the particulars of my vehicle troubles.

It was boring me as I wrote it, and I'm living through the experience.

But basically, the transmission that was "maybe a problem. Maybe not" - according to the mechanic I hired to look the car over before I bought it - has become a problem (The car's leaking transmission fluid, and basically, according to my regular mechanic, if the transmission wasn't messed up before, it's now messed up from being driven with little or no transmission fluid for however-long).

The previous owner had replaced the transmission a few months previously, and the work is still under warranty, so I've been trying to get together with him, to get things attended to.

It's been complicated, because -

1) The previous owner speaks no English (And I don't speak Spanish), so I've had to communicate with him through his daughter Daniela, who's bilingual.

2) We couldn't get together this past week, because of his work and my aforementioned "rush of auditions".


3) We weren't sure if they'd honor the warranty, because of Damian, the previous owner, being "the previous owner" (So when we worked out a time to meet there, and Daniela couldn't come - because of her job - I was concerned about having to corroborate a lie of some sort, particularly when my "partner-in-crime" doesn't speak English).

But after a somewhat harrowing drive there (In Pico Rivera, some 20 miles away), where I got lost in spite of using my WAZE app (And was rapidly running out of juice on my phone), we met up, no lying was required, and Damian gave me a ride back home (Where we tried to communicate with each other, using what little English and Spanish we knew, with pretty limited success).

At the place, I didn't talk too much with the mechanic, just told him what the issue was, and how the car was driving (And asked for them to drive the car, to see what I was talking about).

He responded by saying the issue might be with a seal, and if so, it'd be about $45, but they'd put it up on a hoist and see what's what (My regular mechanic had said the leak could be a problem with a gasket, but, as I said before, that whatever caused it, the transmission was definitely damaged now - So I'm a little concerned/wary about a cheap fix that doesn't really "fix" things, but is just a patch till the warranty runs out).

Realized, as this situation has played out, that while it would suck if I was out for a new transmission on the car - after already spending $750 on repairs - I'd ultimately deal with it.

The way tougher thing for me has just been the uncertainty, the lack-of-resolution (I bought the car over a month ago now, with the hope that, by having it inspected beforehand, I'd avoid...well, everything I've been going through. So the past month has involved a lot of uncertainty, anger, and frustration, with a fair amount of self-recrimination to boot).

But I'm assuming now, whatever happens, I'm in the final stages of this vehicular situation, and that, however it resolves, it will be resolved soon.

And that will be a relief.


(2:45 pm)

(Called the place - They still were talking about the seal, but said they weren't done looking the car over yet, and to call them back tomorrow. So anyway...)

The third thing that's occupied much of my thoughts lately has been the election.

I'm a Liberal Democrat in my leanings, who pretty much constantly feels guilty over how relatively uninformed he is, and how little he really does for Liberal causes (The extent of my "activism" this year has been to post a lot of shit on Facebook, and donate about $50 to Liberal candidates).

But that said, this awful, ugly election season, with the worst Republican candidate in my adult lifetime, has me realizing how much I love my country, and how much I want it to be better than his hateful, divisive rhetoric.

At this point, I'm thinking Hillary will win, which eases my anxiety somewhat, but I'm still afraid that Trump, instead of conceding graciously (Has this guy ever been "gracious" about anything?), will continue with his "rigged election" bullshit, and some contingent of his brain-dead, easily led following will try to cause trouble, trouble of the "2nd Amendment solutions" variety.

It's just been so ugly and mean, and the threat of Trump in the White House is just so awful, that it really has been frightening, and rage-inducing, and other things that aren't much fun.

Like pretty much every other American citizen, I'm gonna be glad when it's over - When Trump loses, and whatever shenanigans that result get shut-down, and we can all go on with our lives (Hopefully, Democrats will win the Senate, if not the House, so some actual governing can get done, since the Republicans have already made clear they plan to continue the obstruction they practiced all during the Obama administration - apparently, they only believe in Democracy if they're running it).

But it's now late, and I have to get to bed - I have an audition tomorrow (Another commercial thing), and before I go to that, I need to look over the stuff I've gotten on the various propositions and what-not, maybe make a list of how I'm voting on what (Yeah, I'm a model-citizen all right - waiting till election-day morning to study 17 state propositions...).

Sweet dreams, citizens - with any luck, "our long national nightmare" will be over very soon...


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