2:12 PM - Thurs 7.26.18
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Well, originally started this a little after 10 am, but felt guilty because my theatrical agency emailed yesterday about something I was supposed to do ASAP (Something I was actually supposed to do last year at some point, but never managed to get around to), so I thought I should perhaps prioritize that over this.

Anyway, after a fair amount of struggle - that involved figuring out a casting website I don't use very often, updating a software program, adjusting various settings on my computer, paying someone money (of course!), and calling my friend Tim G. (to help me with reducing the size of a file) - "that" is done (I hope!), so now I can focus on "this".

So...

Woke up yesterday feeling anxious, then discovered I hadn't turned my alarm on and thus was running a half-hour-late.

Not the best start to one's day.

(I'd been having a bad dream right before waking that left a lingering bad-feeling, even though I'd immediately forgotten what the dream was about - Wondered later if that had been my mind trying to tell me, "You're supposed to be up by now, Asshole...!".)

But I woke up anxious again today - No bad dream, no running late for work (I don't work today till 5:45), nothing.

And getting that ASAP task from my agency done hasn't seemed to put much of a dent in my anxiety. Apparently, that wasn't the thing I was anxious about.

The reality is I'm anxious all the time, I chronically feel "things are getting by me", that something really important - though I'm not sure what - isn't getting done.

And eventually, there's gonna be hell to pay.

The only difference, on any given day, is whether it's there, just percolating under the surface, or whether it takes center-stage.

But enough about my failing mental health...

(10:00 pm)

Had my first voiceover coaching session on Monday.

I was excited about it going in. Nervous too. I didn't know exactly what would happen (Though since I'm not an idiot, I had some ideas).

I think I've mentioned that I already knew Tracy (My coach) from when she headed up my Manager's fledging voiceover division some years back (Which Brett eventually dropped when it didn't generate much revenue).

So when I recently called her with a voiceover question (about looping groups), while I hadn't specifically thought about asking if she coached people, when I found out she did, it made sense to take advantage of the opportunity.

I was nervous as she told me the ins and outs of the business (There's quite a lot to learn, and - to my chagrin - a fair amount to spend in order to get started).

She showed me her recording setup - both the audio program on her laptop, and her booth set-up - then she gave me some video-game copy to look at, and had me do a couple takes.

That was really fun - As I've told a couple people afterward, I did more acting while recording that copy than I've done since I've been in LA - and Tracy was very encouraging about my prospects (Yes, it struck me that she could be "shining me on", but it didn't feel like that was the case - Besides, at the risk of sounding immodest, it's not the first time anyone's ever told me I'm a good actor or that I have a nice voice. After all, that why I've thought voiceover work could be a "thing" in the first place).

I do find the learning curve and the expense of starting up daunting, but the idea of doing something I really enjoy, and possibly - with some effort - realizing my dream of actually making my living acting, is tremendously compelling.

I don't think I would want to just be a voiceover actor - It's too solitary, and part of the appeal of acting is in acting with other actors - but on the other side, the piece of copy she had me working on Monday, as I said before, was more acting then I've done in a very long time.

And I've always been frustrated at the limits imposed on me as an actor by my appearance - The idea of potentially getting to play the kind of roles I'd never get to do on camera is, once again, tremendously compelling.

There are no guarantees, of course. It's very possible I could do all the work I'm going to do with Tracy, do all my due diligence, spend a bunch of money on computer software and a booth set-up and demos and hosting my reels on websites...and have nothing happen (Though that seems unlikely. I might not achieve the success I desire, but I've never tried to break into an acting arena - from community theater to summer stock to television - and had nothing happen).

But I feel like this could be something. And how much would it mean to me if, someday in the not-so-distant future, I could say, "I'm an actor" without following it up with "...and I work at Weight Watchers"?

(The answer to that rhetorical question is "It would mean the world to me".);

My next session is Monday morning (My "homework" is to come in with voices for all the male characters on an upcoming animated kids show).

I think, for now, I'm going to focus on these coaching sessions, see if there's a particular area I'm good at and/or gravitate towards, and then go from there (I imagine I'll know when it's time to officially "put out my shingle", so to speak).

(Should be at my Weight Watchers meeting - I used to attend on Friday mornings, but that's fallen by the wayside (And all my exercise notwithstanding, I'm once again pushing maximum density) - but I brushed my teeth and shaved and took a shower...and couldn't get myself out the door. But anyway...)

On the Shameless front, shot episode #907 on Tuesday.

I've written about how sometimes an episode gives me something fun to do - a nice scene or a funny line or two - while sometimes there's nothing really there, and I "console" myself with the idea that I'm "getting away with something" (Getting paid to basically just hang out and eat free food)

But Tuesday I got both a scene I enjoyed doing, and the feeling of "getting away with something" - Our call was 6:30 am, which I initially blanched at, but it meant getting out a little after 9:00 (It was just a 3-page scene), which allowed me to do my regular therapy appointment, then lounge about till Zumba in the evening.

Have a nice breakfast, have fun, get paid, and still have time to do your other shit? That's my current definition of "a good day".

I'm on for the next episode (#908), but that won't be for at least a week or two - next week, the regulars are headed to Chicago to shoot exteriors.

I still have fond memories of my one trip to Chicago, back in Season 5, and would love to do it again. But I don't see it happening because, for one thing, I can't remember the last scene I had outside the Alibi (Maybe when Fiona bought the laundromat? Which was on the Warner lot). And for another, it struck me they'd spent a lot of money on what was basically one mildly amusing visual (Me popping up from the back seat of a Porsche)...and if that occurred to me, I'm guessing it's also occurred to someone whose job is to think about that sort of thing.

But this break works in my favor, because this coming Thursday is my first rehearsal for the staged reading of Look For Me, my friend Liz's musical (There's an overlap of two days between the week-long Look For Me schedule and my potential shoot date for Shameless, but I'm going to be optimistic and assume it'll be okay - It feels like they don't typically start a Shameless shoot week with Alibi scenes, for whatever reason, so I think I'm good).

And while nothing is happening in terms of theatrical auditions,I had my 4th commercial audition this month on Wednesday.

In a way, it turned out to be a bummer - I went in assuming I'd be dancing (To "You Can't Stop The Beat" from Hairspray). But that turned out to be a mistake (from the ad agency or casting or somebody), and all I was doing was some lame bit anyone could do, meaning it'll just boil down, to quote an actor I overheard years ago,
to "a face-lottery" - but while I always want to be going in to do something "fun" that'll allow me to act, or just show off, auditions are better than no auditions.

So I guess that's that for now (I've got other shit I gotta do today, after all).

Once again, I have to say, with Shameless, the voiceover stuff, the staged reading and the TV project with Mia, it does seem like I'm kinda/sorta "living the life" I envisioned when coming out here - One where acting is the "centerpiece".

Now I just have to hope, to paraphrase the title of that book I read a long time ago, that if I do what I love, "the money will follow" (Doesn't have to be millions, mind you - For now, I'll settle for something in the high-hundred-thousands).

Till next time...

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