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12:15 PM - 12.31.20

The Uncertainty Principle

Having a hard time getting myself to settle down and do this for some reason...but anyway...

(I didn't go back and see when I last wrote, so if I repeat myself, my apologies.)

I enjoyed my Xmas Day. Went to Cary and Kay's, where much fun was had - As a nice surprise, they'd planned a screening of Wonder Woman 1984, which I'd wanted to see, though it turned out to be kind of a turd - and I enjoyed the giving and receiving leading up to the day as well (I received a number of drawing and action figure-related items, which showed people have clearly been paying attention to my interests these days, and a very generous Target gift certificate from Mark and Jane, which I'm considering using very soon, though I haven't quite landed on "how" just yet).

But I've kinda crashed in the days since.

I think part of it is just a natural post-Xmas letdown (Even if, as I often say, the holidays don't mean very much to me, by and large).

But beyond a normal Xmas letdown, there may be a few other bits of news that have affected my mood as well.

Jane R. had surgery on Tuesday, going in to get a questionable growth removed (She's asked me to be vague on the particulars here, so if you know her and want said particulars, you'll have to ask her yourself).

I wasn't concerned about the procedure itself - I assumed that would go off without incident, which it did - but didn't like the idea of her going through the inevitable post-op unpleasantness involved, an unpleasantness I can't do anything about beyond expressing variations-on-a-theme of "I'm sorry. It really sucks you're having to deal with this".

But the bigger deal is the uncertainty of the outcome - Initial tests after the surgery seemed promising, but she's not going to really know what's what until she consults with the Doctor next week.

If it's nothing, yay - life goes on and this was just an unpleasant. "bump in the road".

But if it's not nothing?

I don't know - it's really uncharted territory for me, having someone I'm close to facing serious medical issues - but I have a feeling it'll make current feelings of impotence look like a walk-in-the-park by comparison.

Assuming she gets the "all clear", then it feels like "full steam ahead" to her setting up a part-time residence here in LA, to moving ahead on the documentary front, etc, which are decidedly happier things to think about.


Things seem to be going from bad-to-worse on the pandemic front here in LA. - Last I heard, there's basically no beds available in local hospitals, lockdown restrictions are back in place, and - I think it's official now - production is "paused" till at least the middle of next. month (Which I assume is going to turn into, "for the foreseeable future".

Not the best time to set up shop in LA, certainly not if part of your goal in moving here is to "enjoy what a major metropolitan area like Los Angeles" has to offer, and maybe not if one of your life-goals is "to not get COVID" (On the other hand, on that last front, she's got fewer friends out here than she does in Santa Fe, so if she's not socializing here - except with me - and nothing's really open, maybe she's fine).

For me personally, I don't' know that things tightening-up again has too much of an impact - It feels like it could, but I'm not sure how - but it just makes things seem generally...uncertain, at a time where things already seemed "generally uncertain".

I guess the only thing to do about all this "general uncertainty" is to just say, "I don't know what's going to happen, so there's really nothing to do, nothing to worry about, no plans to be made, etc. Nothing to do except 'roll with it'".

And just appreciate that, at present, my situation is such that "hunkering down" some more doesn't pose that much of an imposition, financially or emotionally.

Really, given my natural inclinations, it's kinda "just what I do".

Well, I could write more - and I shall before too long - but Mark and Jane are calling in moments for our weekly chat, so I'm going wrap it up for now.

Till next time....



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