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08:19:41 - 2000-12-09
Saturday morning
I was going out to jog today--Actually, I DID go out to jog today--but it was just too damned COLD; I felt my face start to hurt before I even got to the jogging part of the program ( It's three or four blocks from my place to the Riverwalk ), so even though I felt pretty guilty about it, I turned around and went home.

( When I got home and turned on the tv, I heard the temperature had gone UP to 9 degrees within the last hour. That eased a lot of my guilty feelings. )

Well, my interest in the whole presidential business had kind of faded of late. I'd assumed we were looking at "President Dubya", and that was that. But now with the Florida Supreme Court ruling that there should be major recounts, the ball would seem to be very much back in play.

( If Gore ends up winning, I'm glad it'll be by recounts, and not by throwing out those absentee ballots in Martin and Seminole counties. )

We had the read-thru for "Oliver" on Thursday. Usually, read-thrus make me think, "Maybe I've made a terrible mistake here..."--You get a bunch of people who seem like they can barely READ, let alone ACT--but I was pretty encouraged. Dave S. and Dawn W., as "Mr Bumble" and "Widow Corney" are going to sing their asses off, "The Artful Dodger" already has the accent going on, and even though Jennifer seemed kind of distracted and distant at rehearsal, you know she's going to blow people away singing "As Long As He Needs Me".

As for Yours Truly, I think I made a really strong impression ( It helps if you've done the role before and know the songs ). Jane said a couple of the teenage girls sitting by her were going on about how good I was, and I have to admit, I liked that.

I was looking at a book in the self help section at the store, something about "charisma" ( The idea being that "charisma" is something you can develop ), and I opened the book right to something that could have been written with me in mind--The danger of basing your self-esteem on your talent.

I think about that a lot. I thnk about that a lot especially on the eve of going off to California, when who knows when I'm going to get to act again; If the only time you really feel good about yourself is when you're performing, and you can't get a gig, that's a lot of time to feel bad about yourself.

But it might be overstating things to say I feel bad about myself whenever I'm not performing. I just STRUGGLE a lot when I'm not performing.

I think that's going to be one of my big tasks in the time to come--Figuring out how to be comfortable with myself and my circumstances when I'm NOT onstage.


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