10:39 am - Fri 4.04.2008
Scaled-Back Dreams

It's been a week since I started using the CPAP.

And how's it going so far?

Well, the good news is, I don't feel any worse.

But it's probably going to be a while before I feel any better; I talked to someone at AirCare yesterday, and she basically said a week to adapt to the machine, then maybe a month to start feeling the full benefits.

Katia, the "respiratory therapist" who set me up last Friday, painted such a wonderful picture of life after CPAP that I got a little misty just imagining it.

It'll be interesting to see who I am, and what I'm like, when I'm actually able to get some sleep.

Speaking of sleep, I had a semi-interesting dream about ArcLight recently (during an hour-long nap)...

In the dream, a guest gave me money for a ticket, but as he went through, I saw he hadn't given me enough (he was $2.00 short).

I called to the guy - "Sir?" - but he kept walking.

So I called louder - "Sir!" - and when it became clear he was ignoring me, I yelled at the top of my lungs - "SIR!!!".

I started chasing him all over the building (Which only vaguely resembled the real ArcLight), yelling "Security! Security!"

I found him in a theater (Smaller than any of our actual theaters), and asked him to come outside with me to settle up.

When he did, he suddenly looked like a different person (He'd been a middle-aged military guy at first; now he was a studious young college student).

He gave me what was supposed to be money, but actually looked like a couple paperweights you'd buy in a souvenir shop.

As I uncertainly said, "I don't know if I can take these...", my alarm went off.

As dreams go, it's pretty pedestrian, but I was intrigued by the fact that A) I remembered it (that's pretty rare), and B) It was so clearly symbolic.

Like in the dream, I've been expending a lot of time and energy over what, in the larger picture, is a very small matter, yelling for help (Yelling for "Security!" actually, which is interesting symbolism right there), to no avail.

And the dream suggests that even if I get what I want in the end, it's going to be essentially worthless.

(I think the "guest" in this scenario is a stand-in for management. Which is another interesting piece of symbolism - that I should put myself in the position of being the one who's part of ArcLight, while the management is, not only just a "guest", but a "guest" that's not "paying what they owe".)

Anyway, all this suggests to me that the time to create a stink over the availability thing has passed (I've now talked to two managers, and emailed the GM). They're going to do what they're going to do, they really don't care what I think about it, and in the end, I've got bigger fish to fry anyway.

When all's said and done, it's like a couple friends said to me a long time ago - "Jim, you didn't go to Hollywood to work at a bookstore".

Or a movie theater.

They've been doing all-day marathons of the previous three seasons this past week, so I have been watching a lot of BG.

It's an amazing show, one of the best dramas I've ever watched on tv.

(But I'm not going to work that hard at selling you on BG, because I know that, no matter how great I tell you it is, if you haven't been motivated to check it out by now, you probably won't start just on my say-so.)

Watching a show like BG (ditto for The Sopranos, The Shield, Friday Night Lights, and a host of other great dramas) makes me realize that TV is where it's at for an actor.

When I was a kid, and fantasized about being an actor, it was always about being "a movie star".

But for years now, I've been much more excited about what's on tv. I enjoy it more, on the whole, than what I see at the movies these days, and I think I'd enjoy it more as an actor as well.

There's also a pragmatic element to this shift in my thinking; I think if I had a good role in a popular series that ran for, say, five years or so, something that I was proud of, not only would I be financially "set" for that period of time, but if I played my cards right, for years to come.

And as long as I could continue to act afterwards - and do things during hiatuses - and have some kind of career beyond the one thing, that would be a pretty good life.

As scaled-back dreams go - from "Movie Star" to "Working Actor" - it's still a pretty tall order.

But it's definitely "do-able".

previous - next