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9:47 am - Thurs 4/8/04
Two Scary Topics

Two Scary Topics

Something for The "When is a warning not a warning?" Files:

In testimony before the 9/11 commission today, national security adviser Condoleezza Rice said the title of an August 6, 2001, intelligence memo to President Bush suggested Osama bin Laden was determined to attack inside the United States. Still, Rice said she believed the memo, called "Bin Laden determined to attack inside the United States," focused on history and "was not a warning."

That would be funny, if we weren't talking about such a deadly serious subject...

Yesterday, a CNN story detailed how a half-dozen or so people in the Bush administration's anti-terrorism group have quit in frustration over the administration's focus on Iraq, a focus that's worked to the detriment of genuine anti-terrorism efforts (I'm wondering why we didn't know that before now).

And of course, there's Paul O'Neill and Richard Clarke, who both strike me as guys who wanted to do some good, who actually wanted to "serve their country", but were thwarted along the way.

A week or so ago, I read about how funds for "Homeland Security" have become just another big money grab for Senators to fight over. Which explains why states like Vermont and Wyoming are getting more money (per capita) for "homeland security" than states like New York and California.

It's all too depressing, and too downright scary, for me to want to think about it too long...

At a callback for AOL yesterday, I heard two old guys talking about Iraq (They were at another audition. The Casting Studios on La Brea hold a number of different casting offices. But anyway...).

One old guy was telling the other old guy that we were really "stuck" now, that the only way we could get out of Iraq was with a new administration.

He was obviously a Democrat, but I'd say he has a point. This is looking more and more like a Vietnam-style "quagmire" every day.

I'm a fairly bright guy, but I just get overwhelmed and depressed about this stuff.

So on to more "Jim-centric" news...

Last night, I spent all evening working on the Diaryland "Sex" entry I had promised to write a couple entries ago (Or "threatened to write", depending on your point-of-view).

I wrote about masturbation, three ways, swinging, orgies, porn, "sexual etiquette", fantasies, etc. and so forth.

And accidently deleted it ("D'oh!", as Homer Simpson might say).

(The ceiling in the kitchen is leaking...)

I noticed, in writing about sex, that I had a hard time getting started. I also found it much easier to write about swinging and three-ways and orgies and the like--which have never been part of my sex life and likely never will be--than in writing about masturbation, my own fantasies, and things that would tell you more about who I really am than what my opinion might be on group sex (Intellectually, I'm okay with whatever consenting adults want to do. But for myself, I feel like it just wouldn't work out--I can't imagine doing that sort of thing with strangers, but with friends or lovers, it would just be too emotionally "loaded").

One thing I wrote about was how I'm "bored" with masturbation.

Don't get me wrong here--I won't be giving up "self-love" any time soon (A self-inflicted orgasm is better than no orgasm at all)--but I find myself wishing there was something more for me to do.

(I'd better be careful--I might make my computer jealous...)

(This is all based on the presumption that a "real" sex-life is probably not going to happen for me--And by the time the opportunity does arise, if it ever does, I'm not sure I'll be able to "arise", at least not without the aid of pills and potions and assorted appliances--so I'll have to make do with what I've got.)

And from there, I kind of went off on a thing about how I wish I had the money to indulge myself in more "masturbatory aids"--porn, phone sex, strippers, etc--but that if I had the money all that perversion would require, I'd be way more likely to be able to hook with a real woman in the first place!

(And no, I'm not suggesting that lack of funds is the only thing between me and "hooking up with a real woman", but it undeniably factors into the equation.)

Suddenly I find myself thinking about the "Real Doll"...

Some years back, a company started making a full-sized, lifelike sex doll. Basically, a hyper-realistic mannequin with orifices.

I have to be honest--When I first saw one, it made me go "Hmmmm..." (What can I say? I was lonely and horny, and they looked pretty nice)--but the more I thought about it, the more weird and pathetic it got.

The doll cost $5000, which made getting one or not getting one a moot point anyway. But beyond that, having sex with a thing that looks like a woman, that has the weight and shape and general appearance of a woman, but that just lies there (Probably at room temperature), and doesn't respond to anything you're doing and doesn't say anything, something you'd have to dress and clean and lug around and hide from company...well, there were just too many parallels to necrophilia for me to be comfortable going there!

And while I "get" that some guys are just too shy/ugly/socially inept, etc, to get a real woman, I found myself thinking "If I were in a position to spend $5000 on a sex doll, I think I'd rather use that money to go out on dates...".

I guess at some level, I haven't given up on the idea of being with a woman again. It's a big world, and it's certainly possible that there's someone out there just odd enough to find me irresistible.

Well, I think I've embarrassed myself enough for one day, and I've got things to do besides (Taxes, and getting an oil change top the list. Then in the evening, I'm scheduled for dinner and Hellboy with a friend from work).


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