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10:05 AM - Weds 8.09.23
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Grabbing For The Brass Ring...And Missing

So, what's going on...?

Picketed at Netflix yesterday for a couple hours.

It was only the second time I've gone by myself, which is happily not proving to be as much of an issue as I'd feared - I worried I'd have that "alone in a crowd" feeling I don't particularly care for, but I just play music or listen to something on YouTube and I'm fine.

One thing I am a little unhappy about though is that after a few hours at Netflix or Paramount, I am useless the rest of the day (And by "useless", I don't mean that I don't want to do any other "chores" that day. I mean, I don't feel motivated to do anything - I don't write in here, I don't draw, nothing).

But that said, I'm glad I'm doing it. And I'm glad I'm motivated enough to go on my own. I don't feel like I've got much in the tank these days, energy-wise, so I knew from the get-go that showing up every day on the picket lines was a non-starter, but I still wanted to put enough time in to tell myself it's not just about hanging out with Josh (Or Mike, as I did recently when he was in town and we picketed at Warners) and "getting my steps in".

It doesn't seem like there's been any movement in the strike, all the picketing notwithstanding - There was a little movement recently suggesting the WGA and the Producers might "go back to the table", but it didn't take.

And if there's anything happening on the SAG-AFTRA end, I haven't heard about it.

Which suggests this may go on for a while.

In other news...

Jane is leaving tomorrow.

She had a hair appointment here in Koreatown yesterday, so we had a late-afternoon lunch as Cassels, then walked to my place so I could drive her home (I think she would have enjoyed having me come in, but as previously suggested, I was out of gas from picketing and didn't think I'd be able to keep up my end of our typically sparkling conversational banter).

Tonight we'll be having our "Last Supper", then hanging out at her place, to do a little "work" (She wants to have me record something about our upcoming festival stuff), then watch the latest episode of Reservation Dogs.

While I didn't want to start bemoaning her pending departure halfway into her visit - as I have sometimes done - a trace of melancholy seems appropriate at this point.

But it's been grand having her here. And in less than two months' time, we'll be doing the Albuquerque thing, which should be a lot of fun (Though I think I've caught a touch of Jane's nervousness about screening at a big theater - What if we throw an Acting Like Nothing Is Wrong party and nobody shows? But while I certainly hope we have a good number of people check us out, I'm going to try and hang onto the attitude that any number of people seeing the film is that many more people who have seen the film).

Beyond Jane and the strike, it doesn't feel like much is going on.

To be honest, I've been struggling with a lot of bad feeling for a while now.

I'm having frequent, worrisome bouts of nausea, that will often come upon me fairly quickly, and make it feel like throwing up is imminent.

That's not fun (Seeing a gastroenterologist about it in a few weeks. And scheduling an overdue colonoscopy, which I'm thrilled about, as you might imagine).

And I'm also having frequent bouts of mental unwellness - From strike worries, to health worries, to money worries, to "After realizing I'm not going to grab the brass ring of acting success, what happens now?" worries.

(Which reminds me...I need to check when I'm supposed to next see my "Dr Feelgood" - aka Dr Chin, the psychiatrist who prescribes my antidepressants - because it seems like I'm overdue for a consult.)

Well, I could spiral at this point - have I mentioned that I'm also struggling with a growing fear that the future holds nothing for me but pain and loss? - but I need to hop in the shower and get ready for my classes at GenSpace, then my evening of hanging out with Jane.

(The future may hold "nothing for me but pain and loss", but today seems like it should be pretty good.)

Till next time...


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