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10:03 AM - 03.28.22

Markers Of Almost-Success

It's raining (I can't see it - my view of the outside world is obstructed - but I can hear it).

I like it - Instead of feeling guilty because I'm not going out - for a walk or what-have-you - I feel like I have permission to stay in.

And do things like this.

But it will need to stop by the time Jane gets in town in a couple days (I can't have the threat of us possibly getting moistened messing up our time together, especially since she's only here for a couple weeks).


In acting news, the "news" continues to be that there's no news.

I haven't booked a real thing since Shameless, over a year ago now (I define a "real thing" as "Something that involves at least a small measure of 'acting', that promises a decent payday, and that might even help me moving forward, by becoming a recurring role or what-have-you").

I told Jane that, for a while now, I've been living on the almost-success of having "gotten close" a couple of times - being "pinned" by this place, having the other place ask to see my reel, or having still other places bring me in a couple times for the same show.

And those little "markers" of almost-success are not bullshit, by any means. Other than actually booking, that shit is the only way you know you're "in the ballpark".

But "almost-success" is not success.

And being "in the ballpark" doesn't add money to my bank account, or credits to my resume.

"Almost" doesn't put me on a set, doing the shit I came out here to do (Which is "hang out in a trailer and eat free food").

And truth be told, it's been a while now since "Almost".

In other words, I'm way-past-ready for some plain-old, garden-variety "Success".


One thing on my mind when I got up this morning is last night's dust-up at the Oscars.

(Assuming you're a reader from the future and don't know what I'm referring to - Presenter Chris Rock made a joke about Jada Pinkett-Smith, who sports a shaved head due to Alopecia, being ready to star in GI Jane II. Will Smith laughed until he saw his wife was not amused, then strode onstage, slapped Rock, who was understandably a little shocked, then yelled a couple times from back in his seat, "Keep my wife's name out of your fucking mouth!")

First off, I'm a little annoyed that just when I thought nothing particularly interesting was going to happen at the Oscars and turned it off...we get this.

And I'm a little discouraged at just how many people seem to think that if a comedian makes a joke that you don't like, you should get to smack them.

Personally, I would like to live in a world that's a bit more civil than that (It's the same reason I don't understand why people want to go to the grocery store strapped - I don't really want to be involved in a shootout over the last "family-sized" box of Lucky Charms at Ralphs).

I'm also intrigued by how many people think the whole thing was staged.

I don't really understand that - Yes, the idea that something crazy could happen out-of-the-blue during an Oscars telecast helps the ratings-challenged Oscars, but I don't really see what it does for Chris Rock or - more to the point - for Will Smith.

So if anyone wants to explain the intricacies of celebrity PR for me, that would be cool (On the off-chance I should become a late-in-life celebrity myself, and am forced to punch someone upside the head to push my next project.)

Because I don't really get it.


While various personal issues are front-and-center in my mind (acting, health/mortality, finances, etc), the situation in Ukraine is perenially in the background, causing some amount of anxiety and upset.

Rightly or wrongly, I think I'm past worrying about a nuclear WWIII (Though it's not hard to imagine it revving up by accident - Russia deploys a "tactical nuke" that goes awry, hits a NATO country, which means we have to get involved...and it goes from there).

I feel like some of my response is childish and naive - More than once, I've thought, "What's the point of being a 'superpower' if you can't use your power to stop this sort of shit?" (But it doesn't feel like there's much we can do against an unhinged Dictator, especially one with nukes - You can't threaten military action because they might nuke Washington and assorted major cities, and they don't give a shit about their people, so sanctions seem to have a limited effect at best).

(And this is weird - In the middle of my writing this, just got an email from my voiceover agent about some "celebrity" project where I could record a message for Ukraine, in Ukrainian, through the miracle of modern technology. I don't really "get it" - Who gives a fuck what I have to say about Ukraine, in any language? - but I kind of left it at "I guess there's no harm in 'having the conversation'...", so we'll see what happens.)

And the way the Ukrainians have responded to this threat has, weirdly enough, left me more depressed about the country I live in - I'm grateful that I'm not having to learn how to use a machine gun and jump on the front lines somewhere, but it's a little depressing seeing how they're literally fighting for their country, while we couldn't get our shit together to all wear masks during the pandemic (That's really been a devastating blow to my view of my country as a whole - There's a large chunk of the population that will do absolutely nothing for their fellow citizens if it makes them a little uncomfortable or inconveniences them in the slightest. Makes me feel like we definitely aren't going to make it if/when the aliens invade).

(And right on the heels of my saying, "Why not?", I've decided to pass on this weird Ukrainian recording project - This was just a random email that came in from nowhere, and it doesn't smell right. The email my guy forwarded mentions celebrities who've gotten involved so far - Benedict Cumberbatch, Mila Kunis, Leonardo DiCaprio, etc - and I know my status well enough to know I'm very not in that club. They would probably take my recording, then tell me they need $1000 to "Ukraine-ify it" or something...)


Well, I could go on, I imagine (Even as I told Jane earlier that I really "Had nothing to write about"), but why?

Instead, I'm going to lay myself down and attempt a nap.

Till next time...



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