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12:55 PM - Weds 10.21.20

Speculatin' On The Possibilities

(Currently driving myself crazy, checking my phone over and over about an audition that was submitted to the Casting Director all of three hours ago. An audition, mind you, that I will probably not book and will never hear about again. But more on that in a bit...)

A good day yesterday.

1. Had a table-read for my next Shameless (The lead-up sucked because of some technical issues, but the actual read-through was fine).

2. Did a Cameo I was delighted with (I managed to keep it brief - I tend to go on way too long - while not having it feel at all rushed or perfunctory). And I got a five-star review from the client to boot.

3. And I had in my mind, my best self-tape audition so far (Even if I realized, hours after the fact, that I'd recorded it wrong - vertically instead of horizontally).

In creative terms, I might have been happiest with the Cameo (I take that "Brevity is the soul of wit" thing pretty seriously), but I think doing a self-tape audition that I felt good about (And that was accomplished with minimal fuss-and-bother) was way the bigger deal.

I asked Jane R. to be my reader, which she got a kick out of (And she did quite well, I thought). And I had set things up beforehand so she wasn't cooling her heels waiting for me to get my shit together - We went over the lines, did a rehearsal or two, shot two or three takes, and called it good.

Odds are it's not gonna get me the gig - just being realistic - but that almost doesn't matter. I'm just pleased it was easy enough to do that, moving forward, I'm gonna be able to put the focus on the performance, where it belongs.

(But next time? I'm gonna film myself horizontally, like I'm supposed to...!)

(9:45 pm)

Well, this day got off to a good start. Very soon after getting up, I went online to roll over my WW 401K to an IRA, then did the recertification for Unemployment.

I was proud of myself for starting my day off "adulting".

Then I started to do this...and I was out of gas.

But the bigger issue, I think, is that when I do an audition, even if I intellectually know it's not likely to do anything and I should move on with my life, I often spend the next day doing nothing, really, just spending the day emotionally "waiting for the phone to ring".

And I think I said in my last entry that sometimes what I'm hoping for is another audition, so I can, in effect, "move on" from the one I just did.

But that actually happened this afternoon (It's for an animated series on Adult Swim)...and I was disappointed.

Because I wanted it to be a "yes" for the other thing.

Almost 20 years down the road, and I still struggle to handle this shit in a healthy fashion.

But all that said, I'm getting auditions, I'm getting Cameos, Shameless is still a thing for the time short, life could be worse.


Watched the latest iteration of the doc last night.

I liked it quite a bit. There are some things I think could go away, but I really think we've got something worthwhile here.

Talked with Jane about it today, telling her what I liked and what I...didn't like as much.

She agreed with me on one bit that feels extraneous, and on part of another, which made me happy - I'm very aware that she's the Director (And am quite content in the role of "subject"), but it's nice that she's up for hearing what I think.

She's shown it to a number of her friends at this point, and it's been gratifying (and sometimes instructive) to hear what they've had to say.

But as I think I've said before, I'm dying to give this thing the acid test - An actual audience - and see what happens.

Jane has fans, and I have fans, but can we create fans "from the ground up"?

(Right now, Kimberly has the latest cut of the film - Kimberly is Jane's Co-Producer - and I'm looking forward to hearing what her take will be.)

A tough thing about a project going on for years, like this one, is that there's a lot of time to speculate about the "possibilities".

As I said to Jane today, it's very hard for me to believe we put this thing out there...and nothing happens.

But what happens? And to what extent?

Who knows?

And on that note, I think I'm off to bed.

Till next time...



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