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9:24 AM - 03.31.14
Shaken, Not Stirred

Shaken, Not Stirred

FRI 3/28/14 (10:15 pm)

I'm a bit shaken up.


We just had an earthquake, a little more than an hour ago.

The last one we had was smaller (At least from where I was sitting), and early enough in the morning that by the time I knew what was happening, it was over.

But this time, I was wide-awake, at the computer, and - as far as my earthquake experience goes, anyway - it went on for a long time.

What I'm feeling, after the fact, is pretty much the same feeling I had after getting jumped while on my bike some years back, the same feeling I have after a vehicular near-miss on my bike, or in my car.

I feel profoundly vulnerable - "This wasn't a big deal...but there's really no reason it couldn't have been. Or that it won't be next time".

That's something I've been thinking about for awhile now, the "protective bubble" we have around us, where we assume we're somehow immune from the misfortunes that happen to other people - natural disasters, the ravages of aging, illness/injury, death - so we can get through our days and make our plans and have our dreams of "the future".

Even if tonight's earthquake was "no big deal" ("Yawn", to quote one jaded Facebook reaction), to me, it's another "reality check" on that "protective bubble" of mine.

Cause really, there is no "protective bubble".

And there never was.


SAT 3/29/14 (3:35 PM)

I guess there have been "dozens" of aftershocks since yesterday's quake, but I haven't felt them(Maybe felt the bed move a little, once or twice, so slightly I thought I'd caused it somehow, but that's been about it).

And I'm okay with that.

In other big news - beyond Southern California trying to shake off its human infestation -after a tv audition this past Wednesday, it looks like I've booked my first gig of 2014!

I'm "pinned" for the role - which means they've asked for the "right of first refusal" should something come up between now and then - but nothing is official (They haven't made a formal offer yet).

But since they didn't tell my manager they were considering anyone else, just gave him a "window" for the shoot date (s) (April 10th - 20th) because "the boards aren't up yet", we're assuming it's just a question of them getting back to us with the details.

And one of the "details" might be that this is an actual, honest-to-God "guest star" role.

I'll explain: I've been designated a "guest-star" before - on Castle, NCIS, and on a number of episodes of Shameless - but it's been what's called a "same day guest-star" (i.e. a small guest-star role that only requires one shoot day).

I have never booked what I've come to think of as a "legitimate" guest-star, and in the past couple years, it's become my "white whale".

And this might - "might" with a capital "M" - be the one. The white whale. My first real guest-star.

"What's the big deal?", you ask?

Well, beyond the money, and hopefully getting a little more to do in an episode, it would just be nice to win a prize I haven't won before. It would give me that feeling of "forward momentum" I haven't had in awhile, and have been fearing was already "a thing of the past".

And why are we thinking it might be a real "guest-star" role?

Brett said it was pretty high up the cast list on the breakdowns (i.e. the casting notices), and was not designated as "same day". And in the sides I auditioned with, the scene ends with me telling one of the leads that I'll take them to the place a third party has just mentioned, which would suggest I'm in at least two scenes.

So here's hoping...but the first order of business will be just getting the call that I'm confirmed for the gig.

Mon 3/31/14 (8:15 pm)

If I do book this gig, it'll be a particularly sweet win, because I almost didn't make it to the audition.

The audition was this past Weds, in Sylmar.

For whatever reason, I'd decided to completely "clear the decks" for the day, even though the audition wasn't until 4:30 (I probably could have worked both WW meetings I was scheduled to work; I definitely could have worked the first one at 10:30. But anyway...).

After spending the day resting and relaxing and periodically working on the scene, I got ready, then went down to the car.

Which wouldn't start.

(As you might imagine, I found this somewhat upsetting.)

I called my manager, who had no practical help to offer. But happily, I was able to get a hold of my friend Nathaniel, who agreed to help out.

Casting had been notified that I'd be running late, which wasn't that big a deal, really, since it turned out the session was going till 6:00 pm, but I still rolled in feeling stressed and "off my game" because of what had happened (And wasn't used to having to "engage" with another person on the way to the thing).

And while it was cool to meet LeVar Burton (Who's directing the episode), and there was a very nice vibe in the room, I left not feeling very good about what I'd done. Between that "off" feeling I had because of the circumstances, a little too much looseness on the lines, and a feeling that my "default" take on the scene was not what they had in mind for the role, I left feeling like this was probably not going to go my way.

Which reminds me of something I've said often at WW, regarding a "lesson" I'd learned during my weekly weigh-ins: Just because I believe something doesn't mean it's true.

(I would feel "fat" and then have lost weight for the week, or vice-versa. Sometimes I had an accurate bead on how things had gone...but not always. In short, my "feelings" were by no means infallible).

And while it's nice to feel good about what you're doing, in practical terms, as an actor/performer, it kinda doesn't matter.

All that really matters is how they feel about what you've done.

And apparently, in Sylmar this past Wednesday, they felt pretty good.


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